Learning to Lose...

Before alopecia invaded my life, I was a happy young lady. I excelled in my studies, had a bunch of nice, caring friends, loving family and did pretty well in my career. At that time, I always think that god is so kind to me, He grants most of my wishes and it makes me feels like a WINNER.

All of a sudden, my sweet dreams turned into nightmares when I started to lose hair. Immediately, my confidence level dropped drastically. Worst of all, I was fired for poor performance and it hit me badly. Without a good career, I couldn't enjoy all the luxuries that I used to have previously. I was ashamed of myself and started to distance myself from my friends. I had lost everything I had in just a blink of an eye. I am a LOSER.

After much struggle, I tell myself to stand up and face the world with courage. I promise myself not to cry anymore no matter what happen. I started looking for jobs but was turned down over and over again. I really don't know what's my problem! I am frustrated and sad. I acted as if nothing happen in front of my family eventhough deep down, my heart is bleeding profusely. I hate myself, I hate my life. I tried my best but the worst always dawn upon me.

I really envied those who can cope with this disease. You guys are very brave.

Views: 11

Comment by Linda on July 20, 2008 at 9:59am
You are not a LOSER! Alopecia does not make us losers or winners, our attitudes do, how we react to situations dictate the outcome. You are beautiful and everything you had and were are still there for you, you have to claim them. If you need more encouragement, contact me, I'm here!
Comment by Diane on July 20, 2008 at 11:04am
Bonjour!
I just read your post and just want to say that you are not alone AND are certainly not a looser!. Time will help you to grieve. You do not have to perform in this and crying is good! It's a sign of an healthy mind!
I've dealt with losts over the last few years. Becoming AU being the last of the series... just to make a long story short, I had to deal with infertility, depression and then AU...lost a lof of so-call 'friends' too..... Now, it has been 6 years since I've became AU, about 10 years since infertility and depression.
I think it is untrue that one can cope within a few months.... I mean really cope... accepting that lost and turning it into something good or just seeing the positive side takes time.
Love,
Diane
Comment by Mandy on July 21, 2008 at 9:30am
Oh honey, I'm so sorry you're feeling so sad. You are NOT a loser. It's all about attitude and acceptance and that takes time. You are still the same you! Nothing has changed except the outside. Feeling sad and down may be reflecting in interviews and maybe that's why you're getting turned down. I know this is all easier said than done, but focus on yourself first and once you're feeling better the other stuff will fall into place. Sorry, it's hard to find the right words, but I do know how you feel. Feel free to message me anytime if you want to talk!!

Hugs,
Mandy
Comment by amanda~ on July 21, 2008 at 3:32pm
First and foremost, you are NOT a loser. I say this with complete confidence because I know it's true. I think it takes tremendous confidence to enter into the world each and everyday knowing that there's something going on in your life that is different from those around you, whether you share it (your aleopecia) with the world or not is irrelevant. I think that we each have achieved so much by just finding Aleopecia World and choosing to find others who understand what we are going through.

I think that it takes a great deal of courage to put yourself out there and share how you're feeling with a bunch of, lets face it, strangers here. I think you deserve a round of applause....we all do actually. A loser would never have been able to do the things we do every single day...face a world that does not seem to understand and respect differences amongst people.

Everyone's got their crap in life, this happens to be ours and it's all about how you handle yourself and how you allow yourself to grow and move forward without ever forgetting what you've been through and how far you've come.
amanda~
Comment by Supermom on July 21, 2008 at 11:13pm
You are a winner who is a little sidetracked. If you really thank God for all your past blessings, dig down and see those now. So many things are good in your life.

You are beautiful!!! Its normal to feel down in your situation, absolutely. Give yourself some time and be good to yourself. Don't be so hard on yourself. Get support from those around you and give it some time.
Comment by Melissa Harris on August 16, 2008 at 12:45pm
3,
How are you doing now? Hope you are living a good life. Read your story. You are not the only one going though this. I know how you feel. Anyways, hope you are ok.
Melissa
Comment by Bob Hershberger on October 20, 2008 at 7:26pm
3--Always remember one thing above all else..Did you choose to have AA??? I would guess not..So,its not your fault..Theres no reason to be ashamed of something you have no power over..Stand tall and proud..Its very sexy..Im being honest...But DONT ever let yourself be ashamed of yourself for something you didnt even choose...Life is all about how you handle the things that are put in our paths..Be proud,and pay no attention to those who feel so small,they have to be-little others so they feel smaller..There not worth your time..I know you'll be fine..Trust me...Bob

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