My chronicle of Alopecia Areata the emmoitional effects, depression, anger, love, acceptance to live on with alopecia, the acceptance from socitety, acceptance from with in. the up and the downs the up-hill battles, and long trem affects.

When I received my 4 doctors opinion (Derm. Dept. OF Johns Hopkins Baltimore, MD) I cried because i was more pissed of at my self wondering why I did go sooner intsead of waiting for a year and half? Dr. Sauder She was just awesome her comforting words and her expressions on her face made me fell relived. She said I wasnt alone.

The same day i took out my laptop and surffed the net. For Alopecia Areata. What was coming up when I searching was NAAF so, I went to the site and I became amazed of what I saw and what I was reading. So many people this I became fansinated. NAAF's site had a 800 number. So I called
them. They sent me information who to contact right there on the phone.

I made the calls Me being an over the road driver wouldnt be that hard to visit or meet people with this disease. I left messages and more messages. I didnt think I would get anywhere with the phone then one day I had recevied a message from Cheryl Torner. Let me tell ya it was the best phone call I had ever recived.

I went thru so many treatments and none of them worked. Then the squraric acid treatment was just horriable. So after a while I just stopped going for the treatments I thought it was a waist of time and money. I talked to NAAF and thats how I was able to go to the NAAF Confrences. Being an over the road driver my company allowed to go. I must say It was the enlighting experience. I thank NAAF for allowing me to enjoy once in alifetime experience.

I came into trems with Alopecia I never been in denial. I was more mad and pissed off. I kept saying to my self why me? What did I do to deseve this? Was I that cruel to my hair? Why am I the only one in my family who has this? My questions were answered many years later.

Sure I cried my eyes out I was so hurt in many was. My family didnt want me to come the said " why cant you wear a hat or put something on your head so we dont have to look at your spotty head."
My youngest childrens father couldnt have been any better with his smart comments either. Im favorite comment was " I dont want you coming around to see the girls hugging and kissing on them I dont want thier hair to fall out."

I felt so alone and mad and just hurt. I had never in my life recieved so many insults. I wanted not to exict on this planet. But with Cheryl's help and NAAF, I found reasons why not to be pissed off at the world. I can still be me but, with a unique diffrence.

My day to day life was hard. being staired at, the looks and the comments mumbbled under ones breath. I felt as an outcast didnt want to be seen by the world. sure I did the wig thing, hats, bandanas, and all other kinds of head gear. One day I stopped and thought to my self and said "I'm not any diffrent, I dont feel there was a change only in apperenace. Why should I keep hiding?

So when I stoped looking for a reason to keep covering my head I just came more open and honest not with just myself but everyone who I came into contact with. I start to open up and when I started to tallk to people I found my self to be more confident.

So I stopped playing the charades and just be open. I came to the point in my life when I looked at myself in a whole new prospective and said "God, what? this is all you can throw at me ? What else do you got? Im sure I can take what ever it is you can throw."

So now after I compleatly stopped wearing the head gear I dont notice who stairs at me and who talks about me. Because to honest I dont care. I was just recentaly asked why do you shave your head? I said I have Alopecia Areata. And the girl who asked me this question said well you look great and make bald look so beautiful, And you seem so comfortable not caring who looks at you. She amazed me when she said this. Beacuse I do see now That I keep my head up high and dont look down and be ashamed of what I have.

All im saying thru my times of suffering and my emotional state of mind never once I gave up. I moved on and let me tell ya it wasnt easy getting to this point in my life to choose or not choose to ware hair. Its my choice and mine alone. Sure I have my days where I want be look and feel pretty. but, Im pretty everyday.

I have lost relationships because I can only speculate that they couldnt handle being staired at when they are with me. Im still angry!!why do people have to be so damn judgemental? Why are poeple scared of what they dont know? Why cant people stop and look around and see the world for what it is? Some of these questions are still unanswered.

But I have noticed when you get people to stop long enough to listen to the story, they do become more interested in what we have to say. For example one day a guy approached me and asked me what was wrong with my head? I said with a smile and said I have Alopecia Areata. Then the next thing I know there's about 6-15 more people around in amazement wanting to hear. So yes I do feel better when I educate those who what to be educated.

This is my story from true life experiences, and I came to the conclusion; what ever life has in store for me I am prepared for what ever life throws at me. Im comfortable in my own skin to say screw everyone else who doesnt want to take the time and understand. that also includes my family. Even those my children can lift up my sprits by wanting to colorize my head with makers and paint. they say " We can play connect the dots on mommy's head with out using paper!!!"

please if you ever feel alone and confused there is always someone who has it worse, but, remember there is always a friend who can relate and give the support that is needed it up to you to want it. I keep going and I found the strenght to do so. So I want to deciate my chronical to Cheryl Ann, if it wasnt for her I wouldnt be here to tell my story. Cheryl I love ya girl and thank you for being my suppoter and with you I couldnt have found a better friend even If we had nothing else in common We have Alopecia.

Being an over the rad truck driver had its down falls in apperance wise. Many times when the customer knocked on my door they would call me sir. but when I would say hello they say Im sorry It look you were a guy. I said dont worry about. The comments that were said on the c.b. I turned it off so I dont have to hear immature people saying immature things. Stupidity on thier part.

I have been to many, many cities, small towns that arnt even on the map. I went to a small town in Arkanas that had a population of 12 and 1 coon dog, and to my surprise there lived a little girl who had Alopecia, and talking to here mom at the local c-store/post office/general store/ police dept/ fire house. We had great conversation there was about 7 people in that store(half the town) to take the time to listen to us and notice that the little girl want the only one with Alopecia.

Being with a trucking comany allowed me to see and visit those for what we have 1 small thing in common. I now can honestly say for those I have met and still are aquainted. I appericte you for your hospatality, and concerns as well as your friendships. You are beautiful.

Being a driver Also allowed me to go site seeing as well, to see the Liberty Statue, Mt.Rushmoore, Devils tower in Wyoming, Bad Lands of N. Dakota, California of all parts North to South and East to West., Stone Mountain In Alanta, GA, Wet lands of Flordia, Home On The Range Montana, Aspin, Vail Denver, CO., 1800 Town in South Dakota, Custards Last stand memorial, Metor Crator, Grand Canyon, Lava Beds and travel once in a life time experice To travel The compleat Route 66 from Chicago to LA. But what amazed me the most when I got to go to these sites; I must tell ya the truth there was always one or more person(s) with Alopecia.

My travels were far and few in between, I have been to every state of the continental US. Hawaii, Mexico, and Canadna. Once I get to visit Alaska I would want to start seeing the world.