Comment by Sarah McIntosh on December 3, 2008 at 7:28pm

I often feel the same way and worry that I am not being true to myself when I wear wigs or draw in my eyebrows.,but then I start to think is it any different then woman getting hair extensions or wearing colored eye contacts or even bras that make their boobs look bigger.I tend to wear my bandanna a lot so people know up front who I am but I do like to wear my wigs.I call it dressing up,showing a different side to myself.I still feel that sometimes its all one big lie but sometimes it's nice to go out and not get stares or questions.I'm pretty sure a lot of us have this internal battle though.

Comment by Mari on December 4, 2008 at 9:03am

You are right in so many ways- thanks for reminding me. Sometimes it seems the self doubts creep up on me and knock me on my butt lol. I guess the cool thing is that even though I have this whole personality of positiveness I strive to present, but I knew that I could share my thoughts and y'all would get it. Thanks for listening :o)

Comment by rj, Co-founder on December 4, 2008 at 12:37pm

Mari, thanks for commenting on my blog about a related matter. As nearly everyone in Alopecia World knows, I'm engaged to the alopecic and very adorable Cheryl Carvery. As far as I'm concerned, she's free to wear a wig or do whatever else she wants to do with her head. However, I doubt whether her alopecia would be the non-issue it is for us if she had concealed it from me until she thought I liked her or was all but hooked. And that's really my only issue with alopecic women wearing wigs: I prefer and encourage them to discuss and show a prospective mate their alopecia soon and very soon after meeting the person. Doing so can spare both you and your potential beau a whole lot of grief.

Comment by rj, Co-founder on December 4, 2008 at 12:44pm

Oh yeah, I probably should also point out that I'm wary of any woman (or man!) who makes such excessive use of cosmetics, headwear and the like that it completely alters rather than complements or accents their natural beauty. Of course, I can't speak for others, but I tend to want to get the know the person I'm actually LOOKING at! LOL

Comment by rj, Co-founder on December 4, 2008 at 10:36pm

All well and good about choices, Rosy, but I think we all know that sometimes people are just plain ol' hiding something they believe will cause others to reject them. In other words, it's one thing for a woman, alopecic or otherwise, to wear a wig simply because she wants to and quite another for her to wear it because she's convinced that she can't hook a man with it. I've dated women who wore all kinds of cosmetics for all kind of reasons; the only ones I was put off by were the ones that truly had something to hide and did everything within their power to keep it hidden until they felt I liked them. Of course, the obvious but perhaps unspoken and often unacknowledged problem with this is that physical attraction IS part and parcel, essential and integral to romantic attraction. Dating and falling "in love" isn't just about loving someone's "inside," whatever that means, but it's also about liking what you SEE with the two eyes in your head. If a wig or anything else is really meant to completely conceal one's natural appearance because the person wearing the wig believes they're "ugly," "unappealing," or "unattractive," then, for me at least, there's a problem. A serious problem.

Comment by Val on December 5, 2008 at 1:01am

First I too do most of my thinking in the shower and secondly I don't think you're being fake at all. I have discovered in the short time I've been an alopecian that wearing a wig is just as much for me as for everyone else I might encounter. It has become a fashion accessory that allows me to feel put together and like I'm placing my best foot forward.

Comment by Mari on December 5, 2008 at 9:32am

RJ I do get what you are saying, and in that respect I have to say personally I don't ever try to "hide" my true self. When I finally find the one I want them to love and accept me for who I really am, not for some idea that they have. And you gals have a valid point that I sometimes forget, the wigs and make-up are just an accent or as Val said accessories :o) I guess I just worry I have more accessories to take off than some other woman LOL.

Comment by rj, Co-founder on December 6, 2008 at 4:36pm

Hey, Rosy. No need to apologize. ;-) I agree with you that support, encouragement and acceptance are in order whenever someone we care about is hurting for whatever reason. However, I wasn't talking about being a friend to a friend per se. In my last response to you, I was referring specifically to situations in which the intent is to deceive for whatever reason. In other words, I can be a friend to anyone, but I want to be intentionally misled by no one, especially someone who is trying to land me as her man. LOL

Comment by Lori Black on January 14, 2009 at 1:06pm

HI, I have had the same feeling on thousands of occasions having AA most of my life. But I question whether the real me is the bald one or the one with the wig? Because I personally have always "Hidden" my bald head. I was raised in a home where physical appearance was given great importance and there seemed to be a standard that with the AA I could not ever live up to, you know? I felt this way through years of stares, blatantly being talked about to my face and behind my back, you must have cancer or something to not have hair?! I still feel some of this I guess, I do not go out without my wig, I don't allow my children to see my bald head, they know I wear a wig and a turban to sleep in (my head gets cold!) but I have never been comfortable, always felt so exposed and I have been one of those that never wanted anyone to know. My husband helped me with this some but even he could not change a lifetime of insecurity. Only God can and I quit talking to Him about it awhile ago and just decided this is the way it is but I have not been able to embrace it as you seem to have, how awesome for you!! Didn't mean to write a book, just haven't dealt with the AU in awhile emotionally too traumatizing in the past so I have stuffed it I guess, you guys are quite an inspiration!! Blessings!!

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