Comment by Mary on March 10, 2011 at 11:33am

For me, the best and most natural thing was just to be who I am. The day I shaved the last of my hair off, I emailed a photo of my new self to family and friends. Here's that photo: http://www.alopeciaworld.net/photo/just-after-shaving-my-head?conte...

Once I realized I couldn't stand wigs and started going out bald, I felt much better than when I was wondering whether my hair looked fake. This is me now.

Maybe this isn't the way to go for some women, but it worked best for me. I never worry about people "finding out", and I hold up my head and just get on with life. My attitude is summed up by a shirt I had made: "Yes, I'm bald...get over it!"

Good luck.

Comment by Reginia S. on March 10, 2011 at 11:38am

Breathe. Then know that you are not alone in this feeling. I too went through the emotional turmoil of not wanting my old friends and my family to know about and see my alopecia. Yet I was totally comfortable with strangers and new aquitances knowing about my alopecia. Crazy. I don't know the why of this dilemma. It just is. This too will pass. It's part of the journey. When I finally opened up to my family and old friends I found all of them there with open arms and hearts ready to receive me. It was as if I had been away on a long journey and had finally returned home. They were waiting for me. They were there waiting for the person they knew and loved long before alopecia became a part of our vocabulary. I bet your friends and family are waiting for you too.

Comment by Tallgirl on March 10, 2011 at 12:32pm

I am selective. I wear wigs in public, because I already know teaching without one invites harassment from unbalanced students...who can be cruel even to teachers. When in women's groups at church or with some friends, I show reality once in awhile, but generally wear a wig, scarf or hat so we can take the focus off my head and onto my eyes and words. Men? Tell if touch or intimacy is eminent, that's my philosophy. Otherwise, it is no one's business (who really shows maladies or scars to the world?), and most people will forget about it the minute they walk away IF I have handled it in stride, with personal acceptance or good philosophy or humor.

Comment by Lindsay on March 11, 2011 at 2:07am

I am the exact same. I miss all of my old friends but am way to embarrassed to face them again.I think it's (at least for me) mostly i don't want to have to have that conversation. Where you tell them, and you get the "omg im sorry that sucks" did you go to a dr?...yes. Are you sure doctors can't do anything for you?....yes its an autoimmune disease then explain what that is....Maybe it's because you don't eat right...no its not....was it a certain product you put in your hair....no...are you sure....yes I'm sure...and on and on. Do you wear a lot of hats that rub your hair off....no I told ya its an autoimmune disease. Having that conversation with people who I have known for years is more difficult for me. They look at you differently than they used to. The word disease makes people uncomfortable. Unless they are a true great friend. It's more the acquaintances and groups of people you hang out with I guess...I have no idea why it is harder but I totally feel you on that one. If you just meet a stranger its easier to say well if they don't like me for me, then what ever, but an old friend you expect to be understanding and that's not always the case sadly. I had a boyfriend of a year when I got diagnosed with alopecia and he up and left me. Made me never want to tell anyone ever again. But I am glad I did. I have one amazing friend who has become my biggest supporter. I hid it from her for about 4 months. Those 4 months sucked. Hiding it is sooo much more exhausting and worrisome. My wig is nice, but you can still tell its a wig in the front hair line area. But so what. Someone asks me if I'm wearing a wig.....I am. Big deal. New beginnings. I see it as a filter in my life now. Weeding out all the stuck up jerks I don't want in my life anyhow. It's just skipping the step of finding out there not great people later down the line i guess.

Comment by Patricia on March 11, 2011 at 5:35am

Hi Lindsay.. I think your spot on with everything you have written here.
This paragraph - (If you just meet a stranger its easier to say well if they don't like me for me, then what ever, but an old friend you expect to be understanding and that's not always the case sadly.) Sooo true, & I think that is exactly how I feel & why I have issues with telling old friends. Well some know, but even just talking to them about it. When they ask I give a short answer cuz I feel they dont care or feel uncomfortable talking to them about it. And I am very select with whom I open up with...very select.
And myself aslo, I have one amazing friend too who is my biggest supporter also.
We hadnt spoken for months, but once I was going through this change, I suddenly had the urge, the need to contact her & every since, she has been by my side the whole way through. SO I think we are kind of at the same level with feelings & I dunno, support system???
I seen pictures of ur hair. Its Beautiful.

Comment by Fotini Constantina Spero on March 11, 2011 at 9:34am

Lindsay,
I have gone through all the same feelings you are describing as well. All I can tell you is that when you do tell people a lot of them don't believe it and all of them will be understanding. I have never had a friend from the past act any differently toward me. When you do tell them, they may look shocked and need some time to process and may ask insensitive questions but they are only curious and want to understand, try not to take it personally! Unfortunately, it freaks everyone out for a minute but they get over it and so will you. The more you feel that acceptance, the more sure you will feel about it as well.

Comment by Tamika Joseph on March 11, 2011 at 3:49pm

my true friends knew that i wore a wig and they didnt care. when i was in school they stick by me when the kids use to tease me . i know true friends would not care if you wore a wig or not. but i am afraid of trusting new ones about it. . if they cant acept you for who you are then they were not your friends.

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