Comment by Tallgirl on July 21, 2011 at 9:59pm

Possibility: Just got a call for a sub (supply teacher) interview tomorrow. The school is moving to the same building as the school that laid me off in March! How is THAT for a coincidence?

Comment by Bald and Fabulous AKA Terri on July 22, 2011 at 2:23pm

Wonderful blog TG....
I haven't watched the movie yet but I did read the book and yes there was many points during Liz's journey that I stopped and went. "AHAA' we do tend to forget a lot of the exciting possibilities that are offered to us, for whatever is occurring in our life that's makes us so consumed that we don't see it.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you that the interview goes great. And it opens great opportunities.

Comment by Tallgirl on July 22, 2011 at 3:54pm

Interview went well...results won't be until next week. On to a tour of a coffee roaster (free samples!) and maybe a sampling of gourmet foods at a produce store. One has to get creative when broke!

Comment by MiNAH on July 22, 2011 at 11:31pm

When I think of change it is exhilarating and I look forward to the new challenges. I see the same with hair loss. Instead of crying another day, I embraced it. I was so tired walking in the shadows of perception, and could not think of another moment going through life, living up to others expectations of who they see me to be. I Had all these journey's my entire life, so I took every memory and savored each moment, yet it's strange, from the age of 14 I couldn't embrace the beauty, the transitions and the changes. The whispers and the criticizm was way, way too strong. I never gave up, and from 1982 exposed myself, however the silent cry within just wouldn't give me any peace. I dreamed of future plans and moved towards them, never giving up. Felt like a weight was suffocating me and stopping my experiences to be fully appreciated. Finally the strange changes came about two years ago, when I said "NO MORE" I guess what really made the biggest impact was being with a man who hid me from the world and I realized, then it was going to be him or I who stayed crippled ... and naturally I chose freedom! It had accumulated over the many years, where my patience and perseverance, were clouding my innate thoughts to free themself. My own fear kept me down, I didn't quite know at the time I would see life totally different after leaving. I'd had enough of the years of family and friends expecting me to hide, to cover up, relationships that were toxic keeping me away from talking to people, only going out with me in the dark of night to the beach, in the car. Or visiting me at night, never in the day, and if it was in the day, only at my house or their house. I guess the thing that kept me grounded and awake throughout my ordeal of suppression, was my imagination, my desire to think of vast journeys I will still plan. My dreams and fantasties are evolving at a pace and I wont stop. I sadly see that my family haven't grown with me, and I shall leave them all behind as perception will be the ruler in some peoples lives. My dad a Holocaust survivor has always had issues about my hair loss, and you would think that after having been shaven through the 3 years in camp, seeing so much horror, and always mentioning how humiliating it was for all to be shaven bald, he would have another understanding for hair loss. Yet he tries to keep me prisoner with his ideas and opinions. Sometimes I wonder if it's his fear and memories that keep him from understanding my hair loss. That when he looks at me it becomes a stark reminder of his Survival and Horrific Memories.. Yet my own brother is ashamed and still cannot walk next to me in total confidence. As if walking with me defines who they are in a negative way. I have only just begun this journey and it's brighter than sunlight. I have always sketched alone in my room and in order to feel worthy of myslef I began running long distance and weight training. Although I wish those whispers would have stopped defeating everything I was trying to accomplish. Eventually I grew Grew Wings and now I am ready to fly high! Talking about being broke ... I found that I finally felt such freedom being broke and knowing I could start a new. Like a clean slate. These days I see everything as new opportunities to my growing future.
Good Luck ... tomorrow offers all new beginnings!
Thanks for inspiring my thoughts TG. I saw that movie and I could so relate. Come to think of it ... it is one of these films one should watch twice!...

Comment by Tallgirl on July 23, 2011 at 10:14am

MiNAH, I suppose your father thinks you might wear a wig, like the Orthodox married women do. I bet you are right on his Holocaust triggers at seeing a bald woman. Also, some cultures and families just can't let themselves experience YOUR (our) plight and your (our) need to feel free, and only see baldness or loss of body parts in women as embarrassments at the synagogue, social circle, neighborhood, etc. Getting away to a more liberal culture, city or adopted family may be the only way to stay sane!

I am glad to see you have taken off the picture with the tears, and now show a smile.

As to the movie, I read the book first (GREAT writing style...so much like women really think and talk!), and have now seen the movie on satellite TV about seven times. The actor, the Italian meals, the people who go to ashrams all touch on parts of my life. The other movie, Up in the Air, was also on TV a million times right after I was laid off from my job. I cursed the movie, but couldn't stop watching it. Day by day...we must keep on keeping on. At LEAST as an example to our children!

Time to find your own Circle of Friends for holiday gatherings and hen parties!

Comment by MiNAH on July 23, 2011 at 12:07pm

Yes you are so correct Tallgirl ... about the tears. I put that pic up so others could relate, to know they weren't alone. That I would embrace any ones story of fear, sadness or other emotions they were dealing with. I could understand where they were in their life of changes. Many did cry, and many could not understand. Many had so much fear I could only be available to listen. Yet, it seemed as though they were reaching out for answers and hope, so I realized I wasn't in the position to give advice. Only knew how to deal with my own plight, and offer my hand of understanding. Although, the picture with tears had the wrong impact. It did not send a positive message. So it wasn't best to feed into destructive thought patterns. I write about past pain, as something one may be able to relate to. Yet I feel you are right, as it enables and feeds into the negative, when we/everyone should be smiling and becoming stronger with each and every day that passes. I so agree with you 100% and there shouldn't be one tear of sadness shed. Yes, ones experiences and acceptance can be varied, slower or faster.

My dad did come from an Orthodox family, yet they all perished, except for one sister. However, he is very liberal minded and he has always let ego rule his life. Beauty is something he will always point out, and if one does not have what he considers to be beautiful he can be judgmental. He always complained about my weight, if I was too skinny or to heavy on my behind. So there is nothing I feel will change, and he will be 89 in September. All they see is a bald image, it's clouding their ability to really see me for who I am. Including my brother. It is unfortunate that they shall miss so much because of their own inability to accept me as I am. They tolerate my looks, very different from standing with me. I am not in that place with them ... and my friends appreciate me as I am. Since leaving the destructive marriage, I have found such amazing friends! How the ones we choose can have a negative or positive impact and affect if we let them. My self esteem has come a long way since leaving a man who was ashamed of me. I could say I wasted 10 years ... however my reward is "ME" Couldn't get any better than that!...
I must admit, Grand kids are a joy, nothing can compare.
Lay offs are all around world wide, and I know so many people who have been laid off, not only friends, family too. Plus my ex ... amazing that he was the last to go, it so appears that the supervisors end up going before anyone.
Wish you all the best of luck....
Hope for good news!!!!

Comment by Bald and Fabulous AKA Terri on July 23, 2011 at 5:03pm

Wow MiNAH ...you are such an inspiration to me. Work hard on striving forward to the sun. After being in the dark for so long, I glory in the sunshine. Thank you for always reminding me to continue on life's journey.
I can understand some of your fathers fears. My oma grew up in Germany during the war and watched as friends and family just "disappeared". She rarely talks about it and when I first started losing hair as a child, she was desperate to fix me.

Comment by Tallgirl on July 27, 2011 at 6:23pm

I think that those of us in our 50s have the advantage of going through the "anything goes" '60s, so we are more accepting of what our own children do with style. However, we are at a disadvantage of having parents who went through WWII, may have old-country judgments, and were raised on original Hollywood standards and secrets. We are caught in the middle of past and present cultural standards, as well as the standards of whatever our same-age friends developed from THEIR now-80 parents. The trick is to stay away from too many people who are still listening to those little birds on their shoulders about hair loss, who might impose their negativity on us. That includes ex-husbands.

Comment by MiNAH on July 28, 2011 at 9:10am

I am Deaf, and Blind, yet not Dumb ..."DUMB" is demeaning, and it should never, never be used for any reason. I hear nothing, I answer to nothing where it concerns my hair, unless stupidity or ignorance raise their heads, and spew out irresponsible remarks, to cover up their own insecurity or discomfort. I do not entertain any questions, as questions have grown old, grown stale, that I no longer have the time and energy to waste my precious moments explaining myself. So I cut it short, acknowledging their concern, delicately with respect. However, I cannot, and will not listen to that broken record ... over, and over ... and "OVER" again. It is a pleasure to interact with such fine, insightful woman as yourself Tallgirl, n Terri! The long list of empathetic, compassionate ... eager to share, women here at Alopecia World, who know, and who understand. Helping others in need of support, as we reach out to those who open up, who are ready to embrace their new way of life. Learning how to battle the unwavering, relentless sorrow which has held each of us down in some way. Which has compromised the manner in which we live. The heartache that may have crippled our spirit for so long. We are here to help those in need, so that they can find a way and become whole again. To become their authentic self, as God "INTENDED"

Comment by Tallgirl on August 11, 2011 at 8:06am

The other movie worth seeing is the one with Queen Latifah, where she thinks she is dying. I think it is called The Last Holiday. In it, she has a scrapbook called her Possibilities book, with dreams of foods to prepare, relationship, places to go. But, with only a few weeks left, what does she decide to DO, and what does she leave behind? (Go see this movie!)

Sometimes when dying, physically or motivationally (spiritually), we run from those we do not want to hurt, or from dreams we assume can never be.

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