Comment

Comment by Danielle on January 4, 2010 at 12:58am

Hey Stephanie,

I went through everything you are right now with guys. My response has been quite different every guy I have told has been very accepting about it so they are out there. As for when is the right time to tell them, the right time is when you are ready too. If they are worth having in your life they will understand. It is a very difficult conversation to have with a guy i know (especially since i am only 24 and most guys only care about what you look like at this age not who you are as a person or so I thought). You just have to be confident and let them know what is up with your less then hairy situation so i call it. Trust me there is a guy out there that will see you for who you really are no matter what is up top. And what you are is a beautiful woman with so much to offer to a very lucky guy just keep you head up and smile cause you never know who is falling in love with it right now :-)

Comment by Alexandra on December 10, 2009 at 10:20pm

I'm not bald, so I can't share firsthand experience about that, but I do have hair loss (female pattern baldness) to the point where I have experience with the whole dreaded "when do I tell him?" scenario. My advice would be to wait until YOU like HIM and feel like he is worthy of knowing. Don't feel like you owe it to a man to share every detail about yourself with him on the first date. To me, that sounds like you'd want his approval - and that's like saying him and his opinions have power over you. On that note, I wouldn't wait until things get serious to tell him either. I would tell him after a few dates, when you're pretty sure you could see it going somewhere. By this point, you won't be so attached where it would really hurt if he doesn't want to accept you, or you would know that he truly doesn't mind and you can continue the dating/relationship without worrying.
I've been on a bunch of dates with guys since this whole hair loss thing started and I never told any of them about it on the first date. It was because I didn't think they were special enough to be let in to that part of my life yet. (If I don't walk around bald it's because I don't want the world to know right away- that carries through to dates too.)
I ended up telling the guy who became my boyfriend for a short while there (you can read more about that in my blog, if you'd like) and at first he seemed accepting of it, but it soon came out in the wash that it actually made him a little uncomfortable. The relationship was bad on many other levels, though, (the hair situation was the least of it) and so I broke up with him.
My best friend of almost 6 years - who is a guy - knows about my hair loss, too, and is so completely and genuinely loving, accepting, and supportive of me still knowing what he knows. He doesn't care. He tells me all the time that I'll still be the most beautiful woman in the world to him even when he can see his reflection in my scalp (his words, haha) and that I am the most wonderful, amazing person he's ever known - and being bald would never change that. Guys like this do exist. Don't feel like you have to settle for a guy just because he's "ok" with your alopecia. You deserve to be treated like the amazing, lovely, wonderful, beautiful woman you are. And trust me, if you think positive thoughts, positive things will happen.
Best of luck!
Alexandra =)

Comment by Alisha Jennings on December 10, 2009 at 8:40pm

I have not read all the replys here so I hope I dont repeat something but I must say that Ive had this pretty much my entire life and I was with my boyfriend for 2 years before it started coming out really bad again, and it was at the very back of my head underneath and everytime he touched my neck I got away, so worried that he would feel it and think I was grose!! After numberous attempts of trying to tell him (once I realized it was getting a lot worse) I finally managed to get it out, and he has been one of the most supportive people in my life, driving me 2 hours away for treatment every week, making me feel better when I cried everyday, trying to help me accept it myself! So there are men out there that will be there for you, and if those are the reactions you have got than you just have not found the right one YET! As a matter of fact where I go for treatment I have ran into a couple good looking men that also have Alopecia or are there with a family member and understand.... so dont give up hope, you will find someone, and I think you will know when the moment is right to tell them! :)

Comment by MiNAH on December 10, 2009 at 7:07pm

That's why I walk without head covering as well.
There are numerous reasons to do so.
For this is the highest on my list however.
I met a man on the plane who already knew my kids.
He was delighted to meet me and never stopped telling me, that my hair was beautiful.
I explained that I had no hair like his tattoo"MEDUSA" when he continued to laugh, brushing my word off as a joke.
When I spoke later over the phone telling him that my hair loss was true.
He was quiet....then suddenly had to hang up...never to hear from him again.
Since then...he has still seen my kids...yet has said nothing.
So...I will not wear anything on my head, as I want the person interacting with me to accept me for who I am.
Then if, and when I choose to wear a prosthesis...it will be because I simply do it for a change.
The struggle never ends.
My marriage was bad before I got my wig..yet it became worse within the last six months since I decided to shave for my prosthesis.
However, come to find out that, the heat stopped me from wearing it.
Also...feelings of insecurity wearing it, felt like I was betraying myself and others.
After that negative response on the plane trip...I became fearful to confront anyone with a wig.
This has happened to me so often over the 39 years with Alopecia Totalis/Areata.
Anyway...to wrap it all up...I have put my marriage to shame walking without hair!
Everything, plus the shaving of my hair, made my final decision.
I'm not trying to obtain sympathy...yet there are some people who just cannot accept the hair loss.
So....Right now...I need a shoulder to vent my pain.
It has caused so much aggravation and grief that I am getting a divorce.
SO....THE MORAL OF THIS STORY FOR ME IS....TO BE ME..OR NOT TO BE...THAT IS THE QUESTION....TO BE BALD SO YOU CAN SEE AND ACCEPT ME AS I AM.
HOPEFULLY I WON'T HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS AGAIN....TO BE WANTED FOR WHO I AM...RATHER THAN WHAT I SHOULD LOOK LIKE.
I shall not play into the hands of insecure people, EVER AGAIN!

Comment by christine armstrong on December 10, 2009 at 7:02pm

hi stephanie..i have first hand experience so to speak..haha..i think you yourself will know whenis the right time with the right person..i ws 18 when i met my husband and he kept buying me things like flowers and chocolates and then then 3rd or 4th week he bought me a little teddy that said i love you(i think it was a long time ago)anyway i showed my dad and he said i think you should tell him as it looks like its getting serious..i chickened out as i didnt want to see it as he laughed and walked away..so i ran upstairs while my dad told him..well about 5minutes later(if that)my dad shouted me down and said he has got something to say to you and i just looked at him and he said you silly girl what did you think i was going to do run away? i said well yes i did actually...and as they say the rest is history as we will have been together 17 years next year and married 16 of them..we have 3 healthy kids and i am so happy in my life...i hope this helps you and sorry for telling you my life story.haha..take care..and one day it will happen just when you what and need it to..xx

Comment by JeffreySF on December 10, 2009 at 12:16pm

Just throwing this out there ...When I was dating I had a favorite four letter word....Next!!!

Comment by Margarita on December 10, 2009 at 1:25am

I was really scared about telling the first boyfriend I had once I started wearing a wig. The owner of the wig shop I go to gave me great advice (since my therapist told me straight out she had no idea what to do): don't say anything until they sort of ask about it - like if they want to touch your hair a little too much or something. I originally told my bf I didn't like my head touched and he respected that but after some time he asked me again and I told him. He said he knew I was wearing a wig, and was worried I had cancer or I was hiding something serious from him. When I told him it was "just" alopecia, he was so relieved and happy. The next bf I had I told him 2 weeks in because he kept telling me I had such cool hair and always wanted to touch it. After I told him he said he would shave his hair too!

Comment by JeffreySF on December 9, 2009 at 10:24pm

Hi Stephanie,
Alopecia and acceptance is a huge hurdle that you have conquered. You're ready to date again.
Dating is what it is. Dating. You have to start from scratch and see if there is a connection. If a connection is made then thats when I would consider talking about personal matters. ie: alopecia
I wouldn't wait for someone to fall in love with me and then suprise them with a big secret I was hiding.

Honesty is the best policy.

Jeffrey

Comment by Jeff W on December 9, 2009 at 12:36am

Stephanie, I think it's great that you've achieved acceptance and overcome the emotions that can come with Alopecia. You're lovely and there is no reason for you to deprive the single men of the world of the opportunity to enjoy your company! As far as when to tell someone - it will always be your best judgment call, but I treat my alopecia as a fairly personal aspect of my life and only discuss it with truly special people in my life (I guess that includes my friends here at AlopeciaWorld!). Alopecia is not the most important aspect of your life, the things that make you wonderful are. So my advice would be to focus on those things first and establish a relationship based on that. Anyone worthy of sharing this aspect of your life should be able to share the same level of acceptance of your Alopecia that you have achieved. Go out and have a good time!

Comment by Lee on December 8, 2009 at 11:27pm

I think its all about timing...and the way you approach it. I dont think its a good idea to tell them too soon. Let them get to know the real you...and then casually mention your alopecia. Others might think this is wrong...and you should tell them right off the bat, but this method has always worked for me....except with ONE guy..and he was BALD...GO FIGURE!

• ‹ Previous
• 1
• 2
• Next ›
• Page