I noticed today a new self- talk pattern that puts in question my self- worth. I have said this inside:"What if retail security followed me because if my mohawk? What if my hairloss did not happen; would she have put me down so often? What if my baldness angered him to rape me?"

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Comment by Lili on November 24, 2011 at 7:25pm

Hi Kycie, I've been raped before too, who knows why they do it! All I know is (from my own personal experience) there's no rhyme or reason that computes with my me. I remember turning myself inside out trying to figure it out in the past, and figure out what I was "gonna do about it", now it's just a different thing thing in my life no longer happening, that I'll never be the same from nonetheless... congrats on your head shave! must have felt good. Have you read Pema Chodron ever? I'm reading a book now, I think her take on things is interesting and helpful!

Comment by Kycie on November 29, 2011 at 8:38pm
I am not familiar; and will definately check this read out Lil. I am sitting in a hallway medical building nauseated either by being pregnant from this rape( which is one of three adult aquaintance rapes) and unfortunately about 9 years of continuous sadistic spousal rape; or my current diagnostic assessment of complex hydropplasia with atypia; the rest of the medical jargon I am completely lost. I understand what a complete total hysterectomy involves, and I am aware of the importance in taking lymph nodes from my pelvic region. Well..., well what I do know that when my surgery day comes I will oily my freedom fighting poud bald head! Now that calls for a first ever- for- me head tatoo, I' ll be checking out designs on Thursday. I will you posted.( I am " psyched up for this art endeavor) ok now I just cracked myself up silently; yes stilll kicking back on the hallway floor)) I am known as the rebelious art therapiy psychologist amongst ww my teenage psychotherapy patients dealing too with violent sexual assaults. ( They are waiting for me to sport my new look and toss aside the wig for a day!(or two or three, ha, ha, yes the shaved head feels freeing!! ( HEADING OUT FOR NOW" SMILING INSIDE, SMURKING ON THE OUTSIDE, YEAH!!

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