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Break-up culprit for new alopecians?
Don’t Let Depression Destroy Your Relationship
[I think sometimes we get caught up so much in our own "stuff" that we forget others want us to be vibrant, present and exciting for THEM. They often do not know what to do when WE are ocupied by thoughts, and they just bail out rather than wait, talk or admit their own feelings...especially males who are confounded by females, impatient or judgmental. This article may apply to those alopecians obsessed with and depressed by hair loss.
Been there, learned that. Now, once I realize what I am doing on ANY issue that occupies my mind (even computer technology), that causes either silence or absence of my partner, I take stock and dive into all the fun things about life...on purpose. I then hope that maturity in the males I know will preside over that desire for eternal perfection in a woman! After all...are they perfect themselves?
Don't forget to breathe. -- TG]
Don’t Let Depression Destroy Your Relationship
By Norine Dworkin-McDaniel, Special to Lifescript
Published October 27, 2010
If you’re depressed, you could be dragging your mate to the dumps with you. Here are 5 common symptoms that wreck relationships – and expert advice on how to get love back on track…
When you’re in a relationship and feeling depressed, two people suffer.
Karen S., a business executive in her late 20s, had been with her boyfriend eight months when she fell into a funk.
She no longer enjoyed her favorite activities, preferring to spend weekends sleeping in and watching TV.
Her boyfriend missed the fun-loving, outgoing woman he’d fallen for. Their sex life was nonexistent. He thought she wasn’t interested in him anymore.
A few months later, Karen's doctor diagnosed her with depression. She eventually got the help she needed, but it was too late - the relationship didn’t survive.
That doesn’t surprise Miami marriage and family therapist Lisa Paz, Ph.D.
“Depression makes the non-depressed partner feel helpless and confused,” she says.
“[Faced with] silence, withdrawal, and no sex or desire to do anything, partners think this is the turn the relationship is taking – that this is the way it’s always going to be.”
HOW CAN YOU LET YOUR PARTNER KNOW HE/SHE STILL MATTERS MOST? -- TG
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Comment by Tallgirl on June 19, 2012 at 2:23pm
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Google this for the rest of the article and links to others about depression:
Don’t Let Depression Destroy Your Relationship
NOTE: When you get to the parts about taking care of or washing your hair to feel or look better, you might consider instead washing and scenting your hair or shaved head, putting on a nice, clean wig, or adding whatever adornment you like.
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Comment by BTB (John) on June 19, 2012 at 6:15pm
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Depression is just so hard to live with and also hard to LIVE IN.
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A partner who is versed in the effects that depression has on aperson is the best thing, I have been grateful to have a partner who due to doing her psych degree is such a person.
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I agree, John. It is hard for those going through a rough time if the partner doesn't respect psychoilogy, counseling, grief duration, etc. I don't know about your country, but men in the USA try to not show feelings or discuss them much, and often make rude comments when a female or a male is going through difficulties. They bail out easily...and some, additionally, want the gal to be flawless so they can have bragging rights about catching themselves a model!
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Comment by LilyBell*Murphy'sLawLuvsMe on June 21, 2012 at 12:51am
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I have indeed run across such men but I have also run across just as many men that were compassionate and understanding and accepting of their partners issues and 'flaws'. I also think there are just as many women who are shallow and will only date men who are gorgeous or have a certain income level. There are good and bad ones in both the male and female population. Personally , as a side note, I find that women are far more critical of their own physical flaws then the men in their lives are.
As to depression - well it is a Bit*h for sure. But since I have clinical depression which is being treated with meds - I find I still have good and bad days and that is just part of me and something my mate has to understand. Just as I would be understanding of any medical issue he was having.
Sure it is hard at times on my partner but any man worth having, will be in my book, willing to stick by me in those hard times. I am worth loving and worth a man who loves me flaws and all - if he is a cut and run type of guy - I would pass on allowing him into my life. Period.
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Geez I'd that's the way a man is then is never going to be any good in any relationship. No one has been or ever will be flawless (not even me) being able to be open and honest with a partner is what for me makes a relationship work. I am also very lucky to have partner I can also bragg about as well as someone I can show my feelings too.
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(I CAN spell psychology...I CAN spell psychology...)...oh. Yes. One would think so, but do any of you also find that some women cling to hope with the one male who is around when alopecia is first discovered, and are too fearful of going through life alone (without total hair coverage) that they accept a bad relationship or become depressed about a future with or without THAT man? I see so many on this site, the young gals especially, who cannot foresee any relationships happening for themselves...even though they have another 60 or more years to go!
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Maybe the song below is edged with a bit of bragging, but male, female, or J.R. Ewing's (Larry Hagman's) mom playing Peter Pan, this song could become a mantra for any alopecian just happy to be himSELF or herSELF:
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And remember...the kiss Wendy offered Peter was really a thimble, and Peter was okay with that.
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I'll betcha that anyone COULD actually come up with quite a nice list of great, loving things about self. Maybe it takes a couple of good pals of the same and opposite gender, both, to help with the list, as most people ignore good things that parents say (because they think parents are biased). I wonder if doing this at the start of alopecia would keep the negativity from snowballing? One friend of mine had a crossed eye that bothered her until she got surgery, but she kept positive by writing affirmations on her bathroom mirror in various colors of lipstick, to remind herself each morning that she was an OKAY PERSON.
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