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Coping with comments
On two separate occasions I have been in a situation where family members have made comments that were rather insulting. I was too baffled to say anything. The most recent comment really bothered me since I have been trying so hard to regain my confidence. I am a very self aware and self confident individual. However, after being faced with losing all but 1% of my hair in 3 weeks and now losing almost all of my eyebrows and eyelashes, it has taken a toll on how I feel in public. I know people stare, who wouldn't - they see a girl with a full head of hair (my wig which is absolutely incredible since no one can tell it's a wig) and barely half of an eyebrow. I feel like the whole world is staring at me when they aren't. I had a double take from a women when she saw my itty bitty half a brow. I finally decided that event though my eyebrows were still falling out, it was time to learn to pencil them in. I finally gained the confidence to walk with my head high instead of staring at the floor. I figured penciled in eyebrows is easier to explain than not having any. And I needed to get my life back on track after dealing with alopecia and not know what is was or how to face the world. But, seriously. Family is supposed to be more understanding than that.....if you don't have anything good to say, don't say anything at all!!! It's hard enough wearing a wig and drawing on a face every day, I don't need to deal with insultive comments. I am strong - what about those out there who aren't so strong? Hurtful comments, whether a person means it or not, can set you back on the scale of acceptance.
That is my rant for tonight :-)
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Comment by Tallgirl on February 6, 2012 at 12:48pm
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Maybe they were just commenting on the color or style of your eyebrow application? My mom, bless her heart, had one church photo taken with too-dark, too-thick eyebrow penciling that didn't look like the mom we knew. It can happen, especially while one is learning to draw them. I usually make mine way too THIN, remembering my shock at Mom's long-ago photo!
Macy's cosmetics department has a "Brow Bar." Why not take your most supportive (or, if you are bold, your most critical) female relative with you to have a Brow Experiment Day there, and go out for coffee afterwards? Maybe have her experience what you do. It may bond you, provide a supportive soul, develop one who can explain your feelings to other family members, or one who will buy you some new make-up and save YOU the cash!
I play it safe and use eyebrow POWDER!
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Comment by Amanda on February 6, 2012 at 1:47pm
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I think it's more of a dramatic shock to him. And I didn't have a hat or wig on at the time so it was strange to see. I'm still getting used to it. I just wish that if people didn't have positive comments to not say anything at all as it can come across badly to that person
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Well, some of us (me included) don't say ANYTHING when our feelings get hurt, and keeping it inside can cause it to grow and eat at us...and maybe cause more stress to make for more hair loss. What would happen if you confronted those people with exactly the comments that bothered you and how you felt afterwards? Would they be receptive, or could you assume (from other things they say/hide/are caught saying to others) that it is a hopeless cause?
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I normally bottle up emotions but since losing all my hair I have learnt to say exactly how I feel and not care to whom. Sounds selfish, but I have learnt not to bother with anyone and their problems/issues unless it directly concerns me. When it comes to my immediate family I have no problems saying what I need to, but other family members I tend to bite my tongue for my parents sake. I have a feeling I will say sometime to him if my Mom doesn't first! lol I think for the older generations in my family it's hopeless. Many have begun to educate themselves in knowing what I'm dealing with (advice from my mom and I, "Google it!") I am also learning....slowly....to not care what people say, hurtful or not. It only matters what I think and my immediate family.
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Comment by Donna Kooken on February 12, 2012 at 3:21am
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You have to be pro"ME". People are hurtful. Family can be too. If you had pet peeves with family before your jealous cousins will use your Alopecia to get to you. It is hard. You need to surround yourself with positive "I love AMANDA" people. Im older tham you but I still the same insecurities. The eyebrows I found help with the girl at the clinique counter a wax brow color with highliter Great Item a Must have.... I just went thru a poor me week. It is hard Be strong my dear Emailme anytime. LOL (lots of love )Donna
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Comment by Sonia on February 12, 2012 at 3:35am
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I have one full eyebrow and one half of an eyebrow... Well more like a small tip of an end brow!!! Very few eye lashes on the top of either eye but a full set of lashes on the bottom of both eyes!!! I'm an all or nothing kinda girl, so it irritates me that alopecia is this unpredictable. I have had nothing but positivity regarding my alopecia, so it's hard for me to understand how you feel but with the lack of eye lashes/brows I don't do anything and go all natural but it's not until I point out that I have these missing that people are actually surprised and have not ever noticed before!!! I understand that you have drawn in your eyebrows for your own self confidence but maybe that’s why you got the comments... because you family member hadn't even noticed that these were actually missing before and then all of a sudden... BAMN there they are again!!! ;)
I hope you don't mind me saying....
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Donna - I am totally pro ME. It was just stunning to hear that since he saw me at my worst. I'm getting much better at ignoring stares. But, I still have my bad days. I find myself staring in the mirror with no makeup on. I guess since I haven't seen myself hairless I find it odd lol. Email me too!! I'm probably one of the most positive people you'll ever meet :-) But, everyone needs to vent about things that bother them.
Sonia - That's exactly what I was going through with my eyebrows. Except now I have a huge gap on my left upper lid and slowly losing more and more on my right. The bottom lids are more or less in tact minus a small gap. I find that my eyeliner does a good job. I thought of going completely free but I just can't do it. I have absolutely no problem being bald or having no lashes. I just want my eyebrows. And you're right, he hadn't seen me without eyebrows so I don't think he was aware they had all fallen out. It's funny, last night I was decked out in my wig, eyebrows penciled on and eye makeup and he didn't recognize me - yet I looked exactly like how I did with my own hair. Everyone has gotten used to me with no hair. And I don't mind at all! I actually have less stares on the subway with my eyebrows penciled in.
RiRi - LOL I LOVEEEE the way you think!! Hmmmm he would look interesting as a blonde. I might need to borrow your lovely neon green ;) I tried the video links you sent over and found (for me at least - considering I have little patience with makeup) it took too much time and I didn't have the right tools lol. But, awesome ideas! Especially when I started doing my liner, although I jabbed myself in the eye a good few times.
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Comment by becky b on February 14, 2012 at 8:31pm
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People can be extemely rude. Some don't even realize it and others just think being bald is plain funny. I remember being at a middle school assembly as a teacher (wearing my wig) and the speaker told the school a joke about a bald lady losing her wig. I stood there in shock, smiled queitly, while the hurt bled through my veins. I know now I should of said something to the speaker.
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I really don't think people realize the things they say sometimes and how insensitive it comes across. Did the speaker know you wore a wig? For me, even though it's really rude what people say or when they gawk at me, I keep telling myself it's human nature or they're just ignorant. It's getting easier in dealing with the comments or the stares. I just smile and walk with confidence.
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RiRi! I can put all my makeup on in less than 10 minutes now. The eyebrows are a little tricky since I often have to cover a crooked brow I've drawn. But, less jabbing myself in the eye with my liner! And the beauty is no one can tell I have next to no lashes with it on :) LOL you glued your lids shut?!?! AND looked like a panda?!?! I wish I were there to see it haha. Being beautiful is definitely tough. Kudos to you and the patience for falsies. I wouldn't even bother trying...I might end up looking like your twin (panda)
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