Comment by Becca on January 23, 2011 at 4:57pm

Heather,

I am not sure why she is doing that, I can understand how frustrating that can be for you. I would remind my friends that it bothered me, and then they would say, oh I am sorry I forgot. I guess I don't understand why she keeps doing it when she knows it bothers you, especially if you had arguments on the topic.

Comment by Heather Bloom on January 23, 2011 at 5:32pm

I just had a lengthy conversation with a friend about it. She feels that some people just don't care. My friend made a point that some people don't think the same way I do. If the situation was reversed, and she had alopecia, I would definitely NOT bring it up. I would find someone else to talk to about my hair. If I speak to my sister again, I'm going to be more firm about it, and tell her that it's off limits to discuss her hair. It might not sound rational to her, or to anybody, but that's how I feel. Yes, I don't understand either...that's why it seems intentional to me.

Comment by Mary on January 24, 2011 at 2:48pm

Heather - I think you absolutely have the right to be very upset with your sister! The point is that you have ASKED her and TOLD her you don't want to discuss it. That makes it completely insensitive and wrong of her to persist.

I have had to INSIST that my brother (my only sibling) never brings up politics in emails or on the phone. He and I are about as far apart on the political spectrum as is possible, on almost every issue. We do have shared interests that we can talk about, but he KNOWS not to bring up gun control, or global warming, or Dems/Repubs...once in awhile he does, but he asks me first if he can! He finally GOT IT after I just terminated conversations as soon as he went there.

There's no reason your sister can't get this through her hair-covered skull, too! Insist. It's your right. Mary

Comment by Dominique Cleopatra on January 24, 2011 at 4:59pm

When my friend with gorgeous long, thick hair complained about how she "hated it" because it wouldn't do x, y and z or whatever for the millionth time that day, I just said calmly, "Don't you think it's kind of insensitive to complain about your full head of beautiful hair when I have alopecia and have to wear a wig." I don't think she was trying to rub my nose in it, I just think she was being self-absorbed like we can all be at times. I didn't get mad, but I didn't hold my feelings in either, and she just kind of said, "Oh, sorry" or whatever and that was that, no big deal. We just started talking about something else. I wonder if I should have said anything at all now, but I don't think it was a big deal either way. Bottom line she had a right to feel the way she did about her hair just like I — and you — have a right to feel the way we do about not having hair. But, your sister never talking about her hair to you again is never going to change the fact that she has hair and you don't. I wouldn't advise making a big deal over it, or ruining a relationship if this is the only issue.

Comment by Felicia on January 24, 2011 at 5:14pm

I think being angry is part of the level of acceptance people go though. I used to get angry at hair shampoo commercials. You would not believe the amount of hurt feelings I went through every time I seen one. Being angry is part of the personal growth I think. Please know this ...You have every right to be angry because it is part of being human . I don't think you can control your sister but you can control how you react to (them) her. Give it time Heather ,things change.

Comment by Mary on January 24, 2011 at 5:24pm

All I'll say in response is that if I could control my brother by getting him to stop mentioning anything political, I would think that Heather's sister can learn to avoid hair topics. My brother values being able to talk with me and have a relationship with me. Once he learned that THAT was going to be impossible unless he modified his behavior, he stopped. And, he has to avoid many topics, not just one. Good luck, Heather.

Comment by Heather Bloom on January 24, 2011 at 7:17pm

Thank you EVERYONE for your support. I was actually thinking of forwarding all your replies to her. I don't know if that would stir things up, or give her some perspective.

Comment by Chefpam on January 24, 2011 at 7:34pm

I can totally relate. I can't stand to hear other people talk about their hair or further more complaining about a bad hair day. I told my friend, when you have hair that stays there is no such thing as a bad hair day. It's like talking about alcohol in front of an alcoholic. Maybe, one day it won't bother us....I hope so. And yeah, my Glamour magazine makes me upset every time I pick it up now. Hugs to you.

Comment by Mary on January 24, 2011 at 7:47pm

It's going to continue to "get" us, sometimes when we least expect it. About a year ago, I was sitting behind a woman with long full hair halfway down her back during a religious service. Her hair was right in my face...I started to cry and had to leave. It's gonna happen, and we have to allow ourselves to let it, and not beat ourselves up about it. I hope someday I'll get to the point that I don't care anymore.

Comment by Heather Bloom on January 24, 2011 at 8:18pm

Hi Stephanie, I don't mean any disrespect, but I FEEL the way I feel. And my sister is well aware of how I feel. She's even gone to the hair specialist with me. I don't expect people to tip toe around me the rest of my life, but I'm just not there yet. As you've noted that you have been there as well. So, as it happened for you, hopefully I will be okay with it some day, too.

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