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Do you ever resent people with hair?
Do you ever resent people with hair? I lost my hair after chemo and it never came back. I thought I had accepted the loss, telling myself I was alive and that if never having hair was the price for being alive it was no big deal. But more often lately I see people I know who have gone through chemo and their hair is coming back and mine did not. It is getting harder and harder not to resent them.
I have read the postings about others accepting their loss and I know there are other people out there like me but I find it harder to accept. I miss my hair, I miss going to the beauty shop and getting my hair done. I miss complaining about bad hair days. I miss trying out different hair colors. I hate wearing wigs. I hate that scarves slip and will not stay on. I hate knowing that I carry a sign that says something is wrong. I hate people coming up to me and telling me my hair will grow back in 4 months since I finished chemo. And yes I know I am being a whiny baby but this is how I feel. How do ya'll cope with the feelings?
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Comment by Keelah on October 20, 2013 at 1:08pm
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YES, YES, YES!!! I know exactly how you feel... I have alopecia areata, which doctors say is from an autoimmune disorder. I miss going to get my hair done too. I did everything right by my hair, going every week or every 2 weeks to get it deep conditioned. I would wear weaves and wigs sometimes as a protective measure. I didn't do the colors because I thought it would damage my hair. I miss being able to pull my hair up to go workout or when I was having a "bad hair day." I see people with a head full of hair and just get depressed. I see people that color their hair every 6 weeks, and I get angry, thinking, "I didn't abuse my hair, yet it came out!" I used to think that if it came out because of doing chemo, I could accept that better than the, "Oh, you have an autoimmune disorder, don't know what kind, there is no treatment, it may or may not come back" answers that I have been receiving. I used to like wearing wigs to have a different style, but now that I have to wear them, I HATE IT!!! Yes, I know exactly how you feel...
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Comment by Larry on October 20, 2013 at 1:15pm
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Yes you are being Whiney, I actually admire people with beautiful hair. I never liked going for haircuts and don't miss it. I would prefer the hair but will not obsess. It's much less work and take much less time getting ready in the morning.
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This isn't whiney at all, can totally relate to everything you've said, mine came back after chemo , 6 months growth and then started falling out, its never coming back, there are pros and cons , get good days and bad days , only you know exactly how you feel and how you are dealing with it is entirely your choice . it does make me angry, I try to focus on the positives , which to me is never having to shave legs or armpits, im different , but do relate to everything you've said so when you feel like your on your own, you actually aren't x
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Comment by Sherry Schaefer on October 20, 2013 at 2:02pm
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What Tory said. I was a busy hairdresser for over 20 years when I first developed alopecia areata. I had to go to the salon every day and work on women to give them beautiful hair while my own beautiful hair was falling out. In 3 months, it was gone. All. Gone. I had the best hair in the shop - long, thick and wavy, a wonderful medium texture - not too fine, not too coarse. So I am familiar with your resentment - I felt it occasionally also. Even like I was having my nose rubbed in it, so to speak, every day because of my profession. But as Tory said, it helps to focus on the positives. You can buy great hair! You can purchase the hair you always wanted! No, it won't be exactly like your hair. But it may come close, or even be better. Wigs can be a wonderful thing, truly. It depends on finding the right wig(s) and the right wig advisor. You don't always need to spend a fortune either. And I personally find it helps to focus on what I still have (with my body) that I really like - my arms, for example. (Well, before menopause hit that is! The bat wings are encroaching...) Or my hands. I have pretty, elegant hands with nicely shaped nail beds. So I can choose to focus on getting professional manicures regularly (instead of haircuts and conditioning treatments). And pedicures too! And splurge on good quality cosmetics. In the end, we can choose how we feel about something. And we can choose not to let hair loss take away anything else from us - our happiness, our relationships, our ability to have fun and everything else good in our lives. I won't let hair loss "win" and take control of my life, and I hope and pray that for you too. (((hug)))
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Comment by mina on October 20, 2013 at 2:10pm
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Well! I can't say I understand you because I haven't miss those, I had this disease since I was little, but my advise for you my friend is to start relying on your good sides, everybody has flaws and it is probably just a phase for you, but life is wonder and beauty! smile and be positive because negative even a small one can grow inside you and become very big! being positive on the other hand would the only way to bring hairs back and makes energetic and happy.
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Yes I feel the same way. I miss my hair. Took care of it...styled it in all kinds of ways. Hair has a way of making you look absolutely gorgeous and I now obsess in finding wigs that look natural as well as great on me. Ive had alopecia for over 12 years now and it still effects me just like it happened yesterday. I see people without hair or wearing their bald head and on one hand I think..."wow, good for them to be so bold" ....to be honest on the other hand I think " they would look so much better with hair or a wig on". That's just my opinion and I don't mean to be rude in any kind of way....no dis respect at all ...its just my opinion. I look pretty good without hair but look wwwaaaayyy better with it and would not want anyone to ever see me without it. I think I would melt!!!! LOL. Anyway, with all that being said....Im not jealous of those with hair but I do admire them ; )
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Comment by Dorothy on October 20, 2013 at 2:18pm
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Never resented people with hair, cried when shampoo commercials would come on TV. Actually prayed that God would give me cancer so I could NOT have it treated so I could have a reason to be bald and die, over 40 yrs later, no cancer, no hair and no death. Thankfully God does not always answer our prayers as since then I have given birth to two wonderful kids that of course would not have had life had that awful prayer been answered. They are both adults now of course and someday will have a family of their own and they show no signs of this awful disease, that prayer being answered.
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There are days when I hate everyone who has hair, which means on some days I hate almost everyone! On more sane days I only WISH I had hair like them. On really good days I don't notice everyone's good hair, just really exceptional hair. As I write this, my mood is okay so I can be facetious about how I deal/feel. Tomorrow I may be wallowing. Knowing myself is helpful because I remind ME when I'm having a really bad (hair) day that it may not drive me as crazy tomorrow.
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Comment by Cindie on October 20, 2013 at 2:36pm
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Yes, especially when they mock me and think having an autoimmune disorder is "comical."
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I hope your hair does grow back, I always thought, wrongly it seems, that people who loose their hair to cancer treatment are sort of lucky as it will grow back, but mine will never grow back. So I feel bad if this is not true, have you been tested for alopecia? Maybe the treatment speeded up an underlying issue you already had but didn't know...
But in answer to your question, on my low days I get hair envy, I look at girls who can do their hair in the latest fashions and wish I could do the same, without having to spend 100s on a wig, I think to myself what happens if I get married what will I do with my hair or lack off it, I wish I could dye my hair with my moods or debate if I should have it wavy or straight..
But most of the time I do not think about it, I just get on with my day, but could be why I have an obsession with nail varnish that is something I can control and change with my moods, the colour of my nails.
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