Do you ever resent people with hair?

Do you ever resent people with hair?  I lost my hair after chemo and it never came back.  I thought I had accepted the loss, telling myself I was alive and that if never having hair was the price for being alive it was no big deal. But more often lately I see people I know who have gone through chemo and their hair is coming back and mine did not. It is getting harder and harder not to resent them.

I have read the postings about others accepting their loss and I know there are other people out there like me but I find it harder to accept.  I miss my hair, I miss going to the beauty shop and getting my hair done.  I miss complaining about bad hair days. I miss trying out different hair colors.  I hate wearing wigs. I hate that scarves slip and will not stay on.  I hate knowing that I carry a sign that says something is wrong.  I hate people coming up to me and telling me my hair will grow back in 4 months since I finished chemo.  And yes I know I am being a whiny baby but this is how I feel.  How do ya'll cope with the feelings?

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Comment by kimberly dean on October 21, 2013 at 9:37am

Larry, she is not being whiney, but you are being a meanie!!

Comment by kimberly dean on October 21, 2013 at 9:35am

Yes for sure I get hair envy!   I think it's a normal response.  I guess we just have to create ways of managing these emotions.  I like playing with new make-up, jewellery, hats etc... to make myself feel better.  Be bold, be beautiful!

Comment by Vee on October 21, 2013 at 3:09am

After reading the post.... I had to think about it a bit...ummmmm... I look at people now with hair and I realize most are blessed to have the hair and really they don't know how good they have it.  My concern with this disorder is the shame that comes with it.  Most people including family just can't or maybe just don't want to take the time to understand how the disorder takes over the body, how they look at you and ask the same questions over and over.... It makes it more difficult for me to deal with the sad symptoms.... Missing hair!!! .... I just got the permanent make-up for my eyebrows... Then a family member said just be happy with what you have... I don't have any !!!  

Comment by Mary Lou on October 21, 2013 at 1:46am
When I see a person with beautiful hair, I always wish that I could trade my hair for theirs. It makes me realize that my hair does not look natural because it is always the same style. I can't pull it behind my ears or wear a ponytail or do it up. Yes, I feel jealous even though I know there are worse things in life.
Comment by Cindie on October 21, 2013 at 12:58am

I understand, Kflame.  I have an "obsession" with having scarves, shoes, and jewelry in every color under the sun to match my wardrobe.  If I'm wearing yellow....has to be "head to toe"...or turquoise, or red, etc. etc.  Gives people something "positive" to comment on about my appearance.

Comment by sallylwess on October 20, 2013 at 11:47pm

Yes, I do feel resentment.  I look at the hairlines of my friends who are my same age, and I feel real resentment.  I ask, "why me?" as I stare at the rich full hair on their heads.  I struggle to accept the loss of my hair.   I have lost much more in my life, much more.  Hair should not be that important, but it is.  I think that is because it is our identity.  Losing hair is losing identity.  Also, because I suffer from Frontal Fibrosing Alopecia, I know my hair is not coming back.  I have lost my eyebrows, my eyelashes on one eye, and the front hairline of my hair.  Some days, I think I would be ok if I just had my eyebrows.  I am working on acceptance, but it is not an easy thing to accept.  It is good to know I am not alone.  Those who do not have this problem do not understand at all.  

Comment by Liz on October 20, 2013 at 6:30pm

Thanks for sharing your posts. I appreciate reading all the comments and everyone's honesty. I'm not resentful but I do find myself staring at people's hair follicles with fascination. Wearing a wig, I can only fake it from the part. I'd love to be able to toss my hair back and show off a natural hairline on the sides or wear a pony tail. How sexy is that?! 

A good wig helps and I sleep with a bandana at night. For scarves or bandana's, I add double sided tape to the front top to secure it to my skin so it doesn't slip around. Before I did that, I woke up with the bandana over one eye and looked like a pirate. Aargh!

Comment by Mark S. Hansen on October 20, 2013 at 6:25pm

I'm sure that there have been times in my life where I have been jealous of pep with hair. But not nearly as much as I resented the fact that this condition happened to me in the first place. I also have resented in some cases of what I have let it do to my life. There r always pep who r way way worse off than I and who have made life grand. But what I resent the most if pep, women who have rejecetd me, been anti-social with me, even potential employers who I bel have not hired me bec of the way I look, (no eye brows or eye lashes) even though they and most pep do not even know why I look like I do.  Mark Hansen  

Comment by Lisa M on October 20, 2013 at 6:14pm
For the most part I've been pretty good but I certainly have some low days!
The one huge thing I miss and which makes me so envious of, is losing the ability to pull my hair back in a high ponytail... Ho-hum :-(
One day I'll be able to, I pray and believe my hair will come back one day. Must be optimistic!
Sending you lots of love and hope too
Xxx
Comment by Jessica Hoschouer on October 20, 2013 at 5:39pm

I just focus on the good things about it.

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