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Family Jewels
As I was watching Family Jewels tonight, with Gene and Shannon going thru marriage boot camp. The counselor asked Gene does he love himself enough to forgive his father. This brought back thoughts when I was so angry at my own father that the thought of him would actually cause me to feel rage, that I could actually cause physical harm to him. I saw red.
The counselor made a significant point....If you want to live a balanced life, free of bitterness you have to learn to forgive. You have to do it for yourself. You have to love yourself. And that come from forgiveness. As hard as it is, it must be full forgiveness not half way.
I didn't realize it at it at the time, what I was doing for myself. When I wrote the letter that was never going to be sent to my father. That was the day that I let go all my bitterness and became a full person. I knew that forgiving someone allowed you to move on, but after listening to the counselor talk to Gene and watch Gene go thru his forgiveness of his father, it brought it more to light how important it is to forgive. You are giving yourself a gift in this act.
Your being changes, you are balanced, you are loving yourself. When you give yourself that ultimate gift, you are loving yourself.
And as Gene learned in his marriage boot camp, loving himself enough to forgive his father, allowed him to move past those feelings and to give himself more fully to Shannon.
I don't know what the future holds for Gene and Shannon but I know allowing myself and loving myself enough to forgive my father has allowed me to be more open about my own feelings. I no longer feel anger towards my father. Im at peace and I know that I have much to offer those around me for it. And if it worked for me how can it not work for Gene and Shannon or everyone else that takes that step of forgiveness.
I have faced many other obstacles since that time, including finally stop fighting the losing battle of my hair. I believe if I hadnt wrote that letter of forgiveness to my father, the other obstacles would have been that much more difficult.
The counselor made a significant point....If you want to live a balanced life, free of bitterness you have to learn to forgive. You have to do it for yourself. You have to love yourself. And that come from forgiveness. As hard as it is, it must be full forgiveness not half way.
I didn't realize it at it at the time, what I was doing for myself. When I wrote the letter that was never going to be sent to my father. That was the day that I let go all my bitterness and became a full person. I knew that forgiving someone allowed you to move on, but after listening to the counselor talk to Gene and watch Gene go thru his forgiveness of his father, it brought it more to light how important it is to forgive. You are giving yourself a gift in this act.
Your being changes, you are balanced, you are loving yourself. When you give yourself that ultimate gift, you are loving yourself.
And as Gene learned in his marriage boot camp, loving himself enough to forgive his father, allowed him to move past those feelings and to give himself more fully to Shannon.
I don't know what the future holds for Gene and Shannon but I know allowing myself and loving myself enough to forgive my father has allowed me to be more open about my own feelings. I no longer feel anger towards my father. Im at peace and I know that I have much to offer those around me for it. And if it worked for me how can it not work for Gene and Shannon or everyone else that takes that step of forgiveness.
I have faced many other obstacles since that time, including finally stop fighting the losing battle of my hair. I believe if I hadnt wrote that letter of forgiveness to my father, the other obstacles would have been that much more difficult.
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Comment by Carol Sue Cain on October 20, 2011 at 11:16pm
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You have wonderful insight.
It reminds me a a quote from Christine Longaher in her book Facing Death and Finding Hope makes a profound commentary:
“Forgiveness is a powerful act, probably the most positive, the most transformative decision we are repeatedly called to make in this life… forgiving does not mean we condone or accept hurtful acts; rather, it releases our hurt, our anger, our fear, taking the thorn out of our wound so it can heal.”
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Comment by darlin1925 on November 1, 2011 at 1:21pm
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I too have found by forgiving someone in your life is something you do for yourself and for the other person as well.Oh in my life I have had many reasons to hate not like something in my life When I was born my own Dad would not look at me never touched me didn't want me at all he said if they were to have another child if I was a boy then he would be fine with that but I wasn't a boy my Mom says we were going to show me off to my Grandma and Grandpa so mom took pains dressing me up cute and layed me in my little dresser they had taked clothes out of and my Dad looked at me for the first time then a second then a thrid and picked me up he says I looked him right in the eye and grined and rasied my left eyebrow up as if I had a question he told me years after the only person he had ever known was his Mom that ever did that till me from then on we were always close till one day Dad had it in for me and I still don't know why it wasn't long till he died but the next day I got a call from Dad he knew my Mom would be gone and that my husband would be at work he started slow and said you know you made me mad right and I said yes but I don't know why he didn't say anything for a second then said it wasnt you I hope you know that and I said Dad it's ok I never told him how bad that hurt me ever not once nor did any of us know he was sick but I think my Dad knew he said for the first time in my life that I ever heard my Dad say anything close to he was sorry what he said was can you forgive this old man of yours for being stupid I said Dad don't you know I forgave you the secound the last word came out of your mouth I went on to tell him the difference with me was when I loocked at him I looked at him through eyes of love and didn't he know he was my Hero and in my mind and heart and yes my eyes he could never do any wrong my Dad was a big Man a John Wayne kind of Man even in looks everyone in our town even called him Roster Cogburn which we have thing given to him from the duke himself that was going to shoot a movie in our little home town even met with my Dad to see if he could use some of my Dads lad as well as the river that still runs clear by our home Dad told him sure I wanted to meet him so bad but being just a kid you ddn't just pop up when Dad was talking to the Duke himself well the Movie was never made but I hope I never forget then there is another actor that did use our land and river and mmade a movie the River Rat Kid I think it was a bust but still an honnor but my Dad could talk to anyone while I would hide Randy Travis was the sheffif in this movie and he was in a cop car on a bridge that my Dad needed to drive over and Randy came over to him and Dad looked up said oh come on now your not going to take me in just for going to see my sick brother Randy laughed and said I like you and if you don't mind I would like to leave some of this in the Movie Dad said it didn't matter to him keep it or dump it but I became the light of my Daddys eyes and he mine and when we lost him I lost a big part of me then when we lost my Brother who was a Hero in every right fought in the Vietnam war he didn't want too never wanted to go just 18 but the Draft took him anyway he was different when he came home we waitted for his bus to come home with all the young GI's on then me just 14 then and when he got off he was looking for us I had grown up and what hurt me was people were spitting on my Brother and calling names because of my size I could get anywhere and when a big old man went to spit he wound up on the ground as I crawled through legs to get to my Brother he wasn't the only one I stoppeed that day there were more but they never seen me not once maybe God blinded them he has done it before he could do it again the last few feet I walked with my Brother my arm around his that was the end of the spitting on him they didn't want to hit the little girl with him but there mean words I still here today.I asked my brother to tell me
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Comment by Bald and Fabulous AKA Terri on April 16, 2012 at 8:43pm
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I have definitely received a message from the universe about the importance of forgiveness. I have been reading Dalai Lama "the Wisdom of Forgiveness". If you havent already, read this book. And now tonight while channel surfing, I pause when I hear FORGIVENESS. Not much of a Oprah watching, Im now glued watching her life lessons on OWN tonight as she speaks about the importance of forgiveness.
FORGIVENESS is a potent healing ...lesson. If you are unable to fully forgive, be it a person, place or thing. You will continue to stay in a dark, stuck spot. The rest of the world will continue but you never will. Dont you deserve a fulfilling life? A happy life? Spiritual growth? FORGIVE the adversity that effects you. Take that step. We are all human and will falter, but with continual steps forward, forgiveness will come easier. Even if you have no one or thing needing forgiving tonight, mediate on what it means to forgive. Remember you are doing it for yourself. Love yourself enough to do that.
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