Yep as it says that is how I am feeling. I have been doing the wonderful steroid shots for almost a year now and the regrowth is now falling out. I just don't seem to be able to stop the shots and let it progress. I am soooooooooo frustrated with myself. Just suck it up and shave the stupid head. Nooooooooooo I keep hanging on to what little hair I have left which by the way is all different lengths because I get the shots every 8 weeks. I feel ugly without the wig....like a freak and am afraid to to shave the head completely because of how ugly I will really become with the chrome dome. I know the eyebrows and eyelashes are next..... Transformation to monster complete. What a horrible day. Just thought I would get on and vent.......

Views: 13

Comment by Shannon on November 18, 2009 at 5:20pm
Please don't say that about the eyebrows and eyelashes. I just lost some eyelashes this week and I refuse to believe it's the beginning of the end....everyone loses a few eyelashes now and then....don't they? Shannon
Comment by Lori M on November 18, 2009 at 5:29pm
That feeling about the no eyebrows just gets reinforced every time I go to the dermatoligist. He always says "It is horrible when you lose your eyebrows because you lose your expresssion."...... Nice....
Comment by Melissa Harris on November 18, 2009 at 7:21pm
I know exactly how you feel Lori and I'm so sorry. I am in the exact same boat!!!! You said somethings that I was scared to say on here but it is the truth and I feel like saying it too sometimes!! I woke up today thinking, this disease is just stupid, you looses their hair?! Everyone has hair and I'm dealing with this crap?? Or all people! I was like so into fashion, shoes, clothes, hair, the whole thing. Now I'm just like a shell walking around from activity to activity. I hate seeing people that have great hair! It drives me crazy. Not to mention, I can't even break it to my daughters. They love combing my hair and playing with it. I just feel sometimes like a total ass, I'm so sorry!!! I think I needed to vent too! This isn't probably making you feel better but know that there are others going through this now too. Life does go on and there are other things that we shouldn't miss in life like family and kids, ect. Hope you feel better soon. Take care. :)
Comment by JeffreySF on November 18, 2009 at 7:25pm
Hi Lori,

I know you are frustrated. Don't tell me your Doctor really said that to you! That its horrible...sounds like a terrible bedside manner.
Anyway, You are not a freak or a monster! I'm sorry you had a horrible day.
Know there are many people here to give you support, guidance and a helping hand.

Jeffrey
Comment by Lori M on November 18, 2009 at 7:42pm
Thanks all for the kind comments. Yes the dermatolgist saying the bit about having no expression once you lose your eyebrows just really made my day. I don't want to look like an alien. UGH.... Just having a crappy day I guess.

Melissa LOL! That is what is great about this place. You can come and vent all you like here because the people here get it. People who have hair don't understand how crushing this disease can be. When my stupid dermatoligist says stupid things to me like that it just sets me off.

I once knew someone who was going through Alopecia and I remember all the comments that were said about him. Things like "Is he terminally sick?" or "Is he going through chemo" or "Why doesn't he just shave off the other eyebrow".....My personal favourite is "His head looks like a road map".......This was when he eventually had the guts to shave his head and you could still see where there was some hair follicles working because some areas were dark. It is senseless comments like this that just bring it all home.... Today I guess is just a really bad day for me. Up to this day I have been ok with it. It is what it is and it isn't killing me. Today is a "Poor me day" I guess...... :(
Comment by Mark S. Hansen on November 18, 2009 at 8:11pm
My alopecia started when I was in the 4th grade but I I lost all my hair, eyebrows, eyelashes, (Lori M. mentioned about looking like we have no expression, it must be true because women have always looked right through me like all these years like I was dead) about 40 years ago when I was about 13. I wore a wig for about 30 years until I took it off about 6 years ago. But I was so used to wearing something on my head that now I wear a baseball cap everywere. I even wore a cap to my previous work place every day for 4 years straight until I was downsized some months ago. Now as I look for work, I worry that if I happen to be in a public service position where I will not be able to keep my cap on, how I will handle it.
Comment by Natalie on November 18, 2009 at 8:19pm
Hi Lori! I just wanted to say that I know exactly how you feel, but you are certainly not alone here. I also did the steroid shots (as well as oral steroids) for about 2 years and I knew that I was in a losing battle, but I couldn't help but keep trying! I felt like if I stopped the shots and shaved my head I would be giving up. Eventually I had no choice but to shave my head and it was amazing; it was like the weight of the world was lifted off of my shoulders. Everyone takes time to come to terms with this crazy disease, but like I said before, you are NOT alone :) And I've lost my eyebrows and most of my eyelashes (and it kinda sucks) but I have adjusted and tried to see the positive in all of this (ie. I don't have to shave anymore! woohoo!) Keep smiling and I am sending happy thoughts your way :)
Comment by Lori M on November 18, 2009 at 8:21pm
Ohhhhhhh Mark wow....like I was dead. That is horrible and I am so sorry. People can be so incredibly insensitive. I am sorry about you losing your job and the stress of trying to find a new one with that added stress about your cap. The only good thing I can say to you is that there are sooooooooo many guys that shave their head now that you honestly don't need the cap. I understand that it is what you are used to.....
Comment by Mark S. Hansen on November 18, 2009 at 8:22pm
There are two types of ignorance, the ingnorance of simply not understanding such as human curosity. And then there is the ignorance that I, and Lori M mentioned about, where when someone does not understand why someone looks the way they do, so they simply associate dergotory terms or insults to them. I have experience this in many forms throughout my life, from having the last patches of hair on my head ripped out of my head when I was in Junior high school, to hearing poeple in college (women) talking behind my back saying "boy he is so wierd." simply because of the way I looked, to even the slyest type of anti-social
behavor where people like otherwise smiling co-workers do not even socialize with you because of the way one looks with this condition. I may sound too perinoid to some. And yes, I feel that I may have let this condition hold me back much more in life than I should have (still single at 53) But we are all a product of our experiences. Thanks
Mark.
Comment by Lori M on November 18, 2009 at 8:23pm
Ohhhhh and I don't want people to think I think Alopecians look like they have no expression. It was my dermatoligist that said it. I personally think that people convey expression through their eyes. Have you ever noticed people whose eyes sparkle? My daughter has happy eyes.........

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