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How do I help my child who is being bullied at school because of her alopecia?
Just last year my daughter, who is in elementary school, lost all of her hair. She's had alopecia areata for a few years but we always managed to cover her bald spots. All of a sudden all of her hair was coming out. It turned into alopecia universalis. At first she wore hats to school, then we got her a wig. Kids immediately made fun of her for not having hair and then for wearing the wig. When school got out for the summer she was so relieved. She had a great low stress summer but just started school again. This is only her second week of school and to date there have been three different incidents of kids making very mean comments about her wig and also about her lack of eyebrows and eyelashes. The school has been very good about helping as far as letting the kids know it's wrong to bully but I'm feeling so hopeless. It kills me to see her going through this and I really don't know what I can do to help her. I'm pretty sure she's going to need counseling but other than that what more can I do to help her get through all of this? I don't want to put her in homeschool and withdraw her from social interaction because I don't want her to be ashamed or feel like there is anything wrong with her. However, at the same time I don't know how much more I can take of watching her be sad because another person put her down. Any suggestions or anyone who's been through this I'd really appreciate some ideas! Thanks
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Comment by Angelynds on September 1, 2016 at 9:46pm
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Sounds awesome! And september is alopecia awareness month, perfect!!
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Comment by Zimrie on September 2, 2016 at 12:20am
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One poster said she should make educational responses instead of mean comebacks. I don't know the child and don't know what she needs but in some cases, getting their anger out in a public room provides the best education anyone could ever have. I'm not saying this isn't a skill that needs to be learned.
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Comment by CoachJudith on September 2, 2016 at 12:34am
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I am so sorry to hear about your daughter. Kids can be cruel on a good day! I take your point about not wanting to take her out of school. Reading what other Mothers have done with their daughters home schooling doesn't sound like a bad idea. As parents our greatest desire is to protect our children. What we don't want to do is make them feel isolated,and fearful of being in the public. She will most likely run into this all her life. It is really important that she learns how to cope with these kids. This will serve her well throughout her life. I really like Hairagain's Awareness Day. What a great idea! Kids in general are afraid of what they don't know. As a Professional Life Coach, working with girls of all ages who suffer from hair loss they actually handle it better then most adults. I have a client who is 13 years old and has had hair loss since she was 4. She has grown into a very self-confident young women. She realised through coaching that she is beautiful with or without her hair. When kids come up to her and say, "Why do you wear a wig", she says " Why do you wear those earrings? Or "Because I can" In other words she takes their comment and makes it about them instead of her! She has grown to realise her hair is just an accessory and she is beautiful with or without it!
There was a young Olympian.Joanna Rowsell, who won Gold this year and she was totally bald. She was actually glowing! When asked why she didn't wear a wig, she said "Because I want the world to see who I am. I did see her later in a news interview with her wig on, but talk about confident. Did your daughter watch the Olympics? In case she didn't here is a link to this amazing girl http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2187395/Joanna-Rowsell-su... Somebody like this is a great role model.
I have Scarring Alopecia and even as an adult I had to learn how to cope, but once I learned that I am more then the hair on my head something inside of me began a journey of acceptance. Losing my hair was one of the best things that happened to me. I used to be a Business Coach and now my passion is working with people who suffer from hair loss. My clients always say, "It feels good to talk to somebody who actually gets them.
If I can be of any support to you or your daughter, please don't hesitate to contact me. My details are in my profile.
I know you will make the right decision.
CoachJudith
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I realize you don't want to remove her from school or social interaction, but what does she want? I understand that your the parent but her input, even at that young of an age, is important. It's good to hear the school is helpful with bullying, but maybe educating the students on alopecia would be more helpful. Maybe a visit from a medical professional would help. My dermatologist also has 2 physician assistants. Anyone like that could explain it's not contagious, can happen to all ages, races, and genders. Although that might scare the kids (maybe in a good way) depending on their age. I dont know the size of the school, maybe a smaller educational setting would work better and still have social interaction. My alopecia came on in my twenties, so I can only partially relate to what she's going through. I wish you the best with this tough situation.
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I agree, with Tim, I meant to ask that question. What does your daughter want? What I find in my work that kids as young as 10 are really "switched" on.
Yes, Good luck with with this touch decision, but I am sure it will be the right one.
CoachJudith
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Comment by VTW on September 2, 2016 at 4:58am
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Children can be so cruel. I became completely bald when I was 12 years old. I was in the 7th grade. There were no youth styled wigs back then to choose from. There were many adult styled wigs, or the mushroom styled wigs. I was teased,chased, called names, etc. It was not much the teachers could do. I was very devastated. In 8th grade, my parents put me in Christian school,which I was faced with racism. I later went back to public school in 9th grade, with more confidence with a more youth styled wig. I suggest to try to find a more styled, realistic wig, which may be more expensive. It's really not much you can do, because children will be cruel anyways, because they really don't understand. It traumatized me so much, that my parents put me into counseling, which helped me alot, but they still made me go to public school, and I just became immuned to the name calling. Home schooling may be a better calmed, relaxed,atmosphere for your child to learn. My grades were extremely bad, and I could not focus at all. I isolated myself from everyone. With much prayer and faith in God, my hair grew all back before I attended high school in 10th grade, and it stayed in all the way through my twenties. After my twenties, I became alopecia totalis, and now I am the age of 46.
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Comment by Brian on September 2, 2016 at 5:56am
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I'm with @Angelynds on this one. Education is key. After all, this is an educational facility and I don't see why the teachers wouldn't accept any opportunity to help educate students.
I'd suggest setting up and offering an educational discussion of Alopecia, what it is, how it works and how it affects a person. Of course, you will need to contact her school's administration to set this up. You should work with your daughter to, instead of hiding it, bring it out in the open with frank discussions with the students, allowing students to ask questions. Once the air is cleared, there should be no more reason for students to bully her. Right now, these bullies take advantage of their own ignorance to make fun of her. Once all of the students understand what Alopecia is through educational awareness, this is likely to all stop. And, this will likely help her to blend in and become just another student.
It's possible even the teachers at the school don't fully understand Alopecia. So, you may be helping to educate both the students and the teachers to understand what it is which can help the teachers to stop the bullying in class and on the grounds.
Good Luck.
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Absolutely!! I work with a lot of this kids and hiding it is not a solution. I have some amazing young clients you are coping better with their Alopecia better then some adults. You're right, as I mentioned in my post usually children are afraid of what they don't understand. Education is key and hopefully once they understand the bullying will stop. It is highly likely the teachers are not informed either.
Bran, did you read this http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2187395/Joanna-Rowsell-su... Excellent article.
CoachJudith
"She Believed She Could and She Did"
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Yes, I agree I definitely don't want to encourage her to hide it and I never want her to feel ashamed about it. I'm working on seeing if I can do something to read more of the school than just her class. @CoachJudith I did show my daughter the story about this young woman and she loved it. I really like being able to show her all the others out there with alopecia. It's especially great when I come across stories of other children who have it and are going through the same thing.
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Akbama2007,
I am glad your daughter enjoyed the article! Have a look at this 9 minute video, "Why My Hair Falls Out'. This was made by children who have Alopecia for kids who have Alopecia . Very cool. I think it is excellent and a great learning tool. Maybe your daughter's school would agree to show it.
If I can be of support and help you with your journey and encourage your daughter, please feel free to contact me. My details are on my profile. I have a keen interest in this particular area because I have Scarring Alopecia and even as an adult it was difficult to process.
Kind Regards,
CoachJudith
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