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Comment by Natalia on February 3, 2012 at 5:05pm

I feel myself as Ashley: I do not want to tell somebody about my problem ,
I am wearing a wig and mostly people do not gess it is a wig.
I do not tell people about it, because the people will think " Poor woman !
So great problem !" I think, if I tell somebody , I will not feel myself better,
(as Ashley wrote, she was crying wenn she spoke about it ).
So I do not tell, because I feel myself better if I do not tell somebody.
I do not think , the others must do like I do.
If a women feels herself Ok, if the others know, she schould tell.
If it she feels not OK ,if the others know , she should not tell.
Some women here without hair found a man , and it was not a problem.
People is different. Some thing can be a problem for one person and can not be a problem at all for another person.

Comment by Ashley on March 17, 2011 at 3:11pm

Hi,

since from last week, I have been doing much better than I did the week before. I am still avoiding some friends. I dont really know why. But I shared alot of laughters with my roommate. We played sing-a-star on the playstation 2. So I am doing a bit better. I also called a social worker 2 weeks ago. I want some help in accepting my baldness. Have any of you talked to a proffesional during your acceptance-process?

I love to hear about it.

Xo

Comment by Ashley on March 10, 2011 at 9:58am

Hi,

As I said yesterday....I went to school today. It was so nice. I had so many laughs with my classmates. Who are funny! After school, me and some classmates had icecream, before we left for home. I am traveling back home now, I really enjoyed my day at school. It was fun.

@Sam...I should take babysteps....but the person I am...I want thing to change now, right at the moment. And I am a litte unpatience...:S...But I will get there. About the Mindfulness...A friend of mine has a book about it. She is also following the training I think. I will ask her what its all about.

Xo
Xo,

Comment by Samantha V.P. on March 9, 2011 at 7:33pm

One step at the time Ashley... it will work out just fine ... patience, trust and believing that you can beat this fear ... one step is one way back 2 you ... be kind and loving 2 yourself and others will do the same...

Try finding a mindfulness training. Ask your doctor about it. I promise this is all about U.

Xxx Sam

Comment by Ashley on March 9, 2011 at 3:22pm

Hi you,

after sitting at the house for over 7 days I decided that I have to go on with my life. I have kept myself in hiding. I did not want to see anyone. I did not want to go to work. And I have no motivation to go to school. But today I came to realise that....If I want to feel better. I need to get out of the house. Be around other people.

My relationship with alopecia has come to a bad situation. Alopecia is hurting me. Its making me feel ashamed. I know I have to....take action. But IT brings me down. I dont know if I am doing this to myself. Am I thinking too negative? Am I listening to fear? What is going on with me?.....Time will heal the sorrow I feel now...Hopefully tommorrow will be a brighter day.

Xo

Comment by Ashley on March 6, 2011 at 4:08pm

Hi everyone....,

once again I want to say thanks for all your advice.
Coming on this website gives me so much hope. Because of you I know that one day I will be `ok´ with alopecia. I am not there yet. I think I have a long way to go.

That journey is going to be hard. I decided that I will blog as much as I can about the journey of accepting alopecia...Accepting....that I have no hair on my head. I want to do this because; I am not the first female dealing with this and I certainly will not be the last. I am putting my feelings in writing to help myself....but also to help others.

So where am I so far......???

A couple of days ago a texted two friends of mine whome I have been avoiding. I wanted to inform them that I was dealing with a situation, but was not ready to talk about it yet. I dont want my friends to worry about me. Friend #1 texted me back..........she was so supportive. She told me...when I am ready to talk about it I should just let her know, and she will listen. Friend # 2 was a little less supportive. She said: I am your friend let me help you. Tell me whats wrong.....I say she is less supportive because of the fact that she asked me to tell her whats wrong. I already told her that I was not ready to talk about it.

What I want to make clear is this......Trough the journey of dealing with alopecia, and accepting our baldness. We need support, from family, friends, lovers etc. WE decide who we inform about our condition. And its on us to decide WHEN we tell them. The only thing I can say for now is this...tell those whome you trust. It can be hard and difficult to discuss, but............if you trust someone, I can promise you that the person will not judge you.

People who love you, care for you and trust you.......they will accept you with or without hair.

On to the next blog.

Xo

Comment by Samantha V.P. on March 2, 2011 at 9:53pm

Dear Ashley,

Thanks for the add. I have alopecea almost 3 years and I have seen the lows and highs. Since a few weeks I am definitely sitting on my biggest top ever since it comes to AU. I made great pics to give myself an extra powerboost. Placed them here and on fb ...got some great comments.

What happend is that AU made me look at me. Not others but ME, Myself and I. Always running for other people and helping them out and taking not enough time for myself was a sad kind of place to be. That is what I realised after spending 85% more to me instead of the other way around. I found out some great things about ME and also things that I was not happy about. So I could change what I didn't like and make ME happier.

A few weeks ago I stood on the table and I shouted out. "AU is the best thing that happend to me!!!!"
I don't wear wigs only caps against those terrible drafts on my head. I went out to Bull Dog with a little
make up and yes people are looking but also a few men turned there head ....I taught ...wow I had to do this sooner ....

How did I come to this place is this what helped ME out...
1. Talk about it ... what you are doing here is a great first step ...
2. Talk with my doctor ... if you have a great doctor she/he gives you opportunities ... I went to 3 different kind of mental doctors ...just talking about ME ...
3. Talk with family and friends and share the process, easier said than done but from the first time I spotted it I talked to my mom and others about it and within a few weeks (by talking about it) I heard that a lot of people had this problem.
4. Find something to do, which is a nice distraction inside your own house. I have a lot of hobbies so this was no problem for me.
5.Go outside with family and friends and enjoy the fun stuff on low budget - enough to do in Holland ...;-). Try not to isolate this AA 'cause at the end it is you who is isolated.
6.Checkout Mindfulness training - I am doing it now and it really helps me finding more of myself... coming at ease. It is about the here and NOW.
7. Have kids around. They are pure and honest. You learn to collect and reject all kind of different things they will say about you.They are the best teachers to learn how to deal with it just by answering. From a kid it is less hard, they are just interested and want to know a lot. As for the otherhand I rather hear a remark from a child than from (this is my opinion) an ignorant grown up who doesn't have anything to say and bluntly says something to discharge his own uncomfortable feeling.
8.Checking out nice man is getting open to man as well ... this is a state of mind which can only happen if you feel comfortable about who you are. So this can take time but will happen ... I have been dating with a few men and they liked me not my hairstyle.
9. Don't expect your family or friends to understand what is happening with you inside. If you have a listening ear without judgement or pitylooks like some people do outside (some people taught I had cancer) ... than this is all you need. With ofcourse a nice arm around the shoulder when it is to much.
10. Accepting the process day by day....one step at the time .... that all your hair is gone doesn't make you less beautiful. I am still my parents and brothers princess and by talking to them it makes me being loved for who I am.

Here is my life song.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fzi4xnPd02c

POWER 2 U - ASHLEY!!!! You GO GIRL!!!!

Warme groet Siesa Sam

Comment by Ashley on March 2, 2011 at 5:12pm

Hi girls....and Gio..I want to share this moment with you. I started this blog, saying I dont know how to tell others about mine alopecia areata. Today I had the strenght to tell my roommate about my disease...Let me draw the picture....

On Monday I told my friend how I was feeling. And I also told her, that I need to tell my roommate about the disease. My friend agreed. So yesteday...I told my roommate that I had something that I wanted to discuss with her. Something personal. Later on I got to know, that she was worried about how personal it was. She thought I was pregnant.....(hahah).

So she came home. And she was like....you wanted to say something....And I wanted her first to promise me, that she was not going to speak about it with others....I dont want to be a gossip. So she promised.
One sweet girl (Tanya...you know I am talking about you) adviced me to start with the disease itself. So I told my roommate, that I have a disease, that doesnt make my hair grow. And I told her I was wearing a wig. Offcourse I cried....

My roommie is so supportive. She adviced me to talk about others about it....she wants me to talk about it with people who are in the same situation. Then offcourse I told her about this website. I am so happy I told her. I want to thank you all for your kind words.....I am so happy & relieved.....I know...I am not there yet. And I still have alot to deal with. But I think I am making a good start.

Comment by Alexis on March 2, 2011 at 11:08am

ashley i know how u are feeling, i still feel that way after about 4 years. I'm in college now (3rd year) and im more anti social than ever before---sometimes actually most times ( for me atleast)friends dont help because they say the most insensitive things because they do not care what ur going through because they dont have to deal with it,we never feel sorry as we say we do until we're dealing with something....alopecia sure dealt with me thats 4 sure. Sometimes i wish someone else ( like a really vain person)would have it, but wishing doesnt do much. At school i get funny looks, my 1st grade teacher (whom i ran into last summer) even asked me if i was going thru treatment( and she asked so casually!) i still havent accepted it, i hate wearing wigs but i wear them to feel normal...sometimes i wear scarves...summer time will be terrible for me and alot of AU ppl, but you have to keep pushing on, cant let ur life pass u by because of alopecia ( i should follow my own advice) u will be ok, it will take time but ull be fine!!

Comment by Ashley on March 2, 2011 at 4:18am

@Gio, the way you described how you are feeling/felt...it comes close to what I am feeling now....I am becoming anti-social. I am becoming someone I dont want to be....I know I have to take control. I am trying to do that now. By telling the people who are closest to me how I feel. Sometimes I even feel guilty for keeping a secret from my friends. Because recently I started not picking up my phone when my friends want to hang out.........

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