How do you tell others?

Hi,

First, I have to make clear that I might spell alot of words wrong....so dont mind my grammar, please :-).

Yesterday I told a good friend of mine how I have been feeling the couple of weeks. Lately I have been feeling insecure about mine alopecia areata. I say its mine alopecia areata, because for a while I have been feeling like I am the only one with this disease. I have read stories, blogs and bio's of people on this website. It gave me so much comfort that I am not the only one...dealing with this.

In mine personal life, I dont know how to talk to others about the disease. Although I am bald for 5 years. And wearing a wig for the same time, I rather aviod the subjects...:hair, baldness, wigs, going to the hairdresser. I shut down when does kind of subjects come along. You might understand that because of me hiding the "the real me", I cant be myself. In general I dont like to talk about personal stuff. I always have been like....I can deal with it on my own, I dont need help or support.

Now I came to a point that I cant deal with it anymore. I told my sister. She doesnt really know how to deal with me. She tries to be supportive, but she doesnt really know how I feel. I love her offcourse. She was the one who went with me, to buy my first wig. So she really wants to help me. But dealing with my feelings.....I never told her I guess.

So yesterday I told a friend. For the first time in 5 years, I told her how I felt. (it was trough facebook, but I did told her). I told her how insecure I feel. How ugly I think I am when I look in the mirror sometimes. I told her, that I dont think I will ever get a boyfriend....because I am bald. You can imagine how negative I feel about myself. I dont really know if it is because of the alopecia. I was wondering if any of you went trough this kind of fase?
How did you get trough it? Maybe some of you can give some advice to me, about how to deal with fase I am in now.....

Thanks in advance.

Xo

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Comment by Gio on March 2, 2011 at 2:47am
Ashley, I feel like I have felt similar to the way you are feeling for most of the time I have had alopecia. Which has been a longggg time. I do not really know what I can say to make you feel better, but I can say that I have ruined my life for being too ashamed to talk about it. I mean not ruined in a drama way, but I ended up pushing away all my friends and family for a long time. I hid at home and became anti-social. Depression soon followed. Anyways, years later I feel alot better, I tell everyone for the most part, but sometimes I still shy away and just avoid the conversation. Telling my family was a big thing for me and it was usually in baby steps, talking to the ones i felt the closest to first. Find allies. People that make you feel comfortable already... start with them. If you cant do that .. which i couldnt for years. Tell strangers. Just dont hold it in. You dont have to explain to anyone anything. Do it at your own pace. When i did tell some friends, well it was too late. alot of them moved on since it had been years. it wasnt the same. dont make the same mistakes. Anyways i dont want to be all doom and gloom... i seriously did not start feeling better until i talked about it more openly so I only hope to encourage you to do the same. I still struggle to this day and I can only imagine how it would feel for a woman, but in the end, I try to carry my head high and tell myself that God blessed me with alopecia for a reason. I will not feel like this for all this years and let it be in vain. I try to get stronger day in and day out. I walk around with one half of a eye brow right now and it hurts me so much, but in the end I just try to learn and get stronger.

You will be fine like everyone else says. I think once you realize that you are still you and i know it hurts when people say "its only hair" some might even say "get over it" .. but they dont understandand never will. we will .. and we do. your not alone :)
Comment by Ashley on March 2, 2011 at 2:20am
Hi girls, thanks for your reaction. I forgot to mention in my blog. Everyone on this website is so brave.
I cant not imagine myself being confident with alopecia. I am ashamed.....This must sound crazy to you who is reading this. But I am really ashamed of the alopecia. I feel like....I need to explain to everyone what I have......Why cant it be normal, to see a woman with a wig. I really dont want to explain the disease to others.....I guess I havent accepted that I have alopecia. I know my hair will not grow back. At least I dont expect it to grow back soon.....
Comment by Mary on March 1, 2011 at 6:59pm
Like Aimee (I love how you expressed your feelings, Aimee), I tell everyone. The day I shaved off the last of my hair 3 years ago, I emailed a photo of myself to friends and family. Here's the photo: http://www.alopeciaworld.net/photo/just-after-shaving-my-head?conte...

This is who I am now. I'm a woman who doesn't have any hair, and I only cover my head when I'm cold or in the sun. I make jokes about it, like telling some bald guy in a store that I like his haircut (that always gets a smile, and usually a compliment).

Being open and casual about my bald head seems to put other people at ease. In other words, I found that the less of a big deal I made about it, the less of a big deal it was (and is) to other people.

Take it a day at a time, and do whatever feels best for you. Baby steps....
Comment by Christa M. on March 1, 2011 at 2:22pm
Hi Ashley,
Probably it's time for you to change something: The photos of beautyful bald women here can show you that you are beautyful as well, without a wig. So what is the choice you want to do? Continuing with wigs? Going bald. Bearing scarfs or hats? You have the choice. How would you feel the best? Try to go this way. Even if the first step is hard. If you know your goal, you can reach it....

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