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I like you, but I'm scared to get to know you...because I'm bald
I haven't attempted at a new relationship since my last.
And I'm scared to try.
Should I tell you later?
Say I do open up and get to know you, but the constant thought of my secret is on the tip of every word I've said.
I don't want to reveal my secret just to have you run the other way.
But if you run then that lets me know it wasn't meant to be, right?
No?
Yes?
Should I tell you sooner?
Well I've asked that question to a ex bf and he said...
Ex-Bf: "Well if I still loved you I wouldn't care, but since I don't, I don't know how I would feel about it. Why are you asking me this? Are you bald?"
Me:"Noooo...Just asking a question."
I'm bald as muther funker man! -_-
This sucks.
Most times I'm ok with being bald.
It only gets aggravating when I'm ready to get to know someone and I can't fully be myself.
I have these gorgeous lace fronts that look like it's really my hair and people believe that it is.
They want to touch it I shy away...
Not fair.
I shouldn't complain. I'm not dying, right?
If this wig came off in front of someone I liked...I'd prefer death.
I miss wearing cute hairstyles, guys loved it when I did my hair all cute.
I never thought in a million years that I wouldn't cuddle someone because I was bald.
I don't want to be laying behind and you're me staring at the back of my wig noticing...
"Hey, she has no fine hairs on her neck. Hey her hairline is odd looking."
I don't even like compliments.
The make-up.
The drawn on eye brows.
The eye lashes.
They are me, but then aren't.
But they don't see that
It's not their fault. No one expects someone to be bald. Most of the population of people have hair.
I can't get to know you. I do. I tell you. You leave me alone. I'm hurt and discouraged and what not.
He's on to someone with beautifully long flowing hair.
No hair, he couldn't handle that.
No eye brows, he couldn't handle that.
No eye lashes, he couldn't handle that.
No hair, eye brows, or eyelashes... definitely couldn't handle all of that at once!
I hardly can.
Dam!
I guess I'll just keep telling myself.
"I don't need a man."
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Comment by Sharon on November 7, 2013 at 4:12am
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OMG its so hard. I do not have full baldness, patchy baldness which im able to cover if i spend a lot of time in front of the mirror, use hairclips and hairspray etc. Im single too and meeting men is easy but taking it a step further is so hard, what if they see my hair wet, if i come out of the shower in the morning, when its wet its impossible to hide the patches. what if the wind blows when im with them? what if they want to run their hands through my hair and are left with a handfull of hair. My last boyfriend thought he was being funny by saying, pfff your like a dog you shed hair everywhere, i find it in the bed, the shower etc. he was right and i couldnt face him after that as it was a reminder to me that i am losing my hair, every hair i find makes me cringe and im haunted by dreams that i wake up bald, how can i start a reltionship with a guy feeling like this?
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Comment by ankle mike on November 7, 2013 at 4:14am
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Jas, that's some BS that you won't try gain, you are beautiful regardless of hair. I have a full fawking head of hair but that doesn't make me more attractive. If he really loved you than hair Is last thing he should be worried about. I don't know you but if you are as lovely inside as you are outside than he missed out. My niece will be going through the same thing and it will be same thing I will tell her. you're beautiful don't let anyone tell you anything different! as far as if you need a man that's for you to decide but don't let the reason be because your bald cuz that shit don't matter if you truly connect. ps ur beautiful
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i agree i find you beutiful too
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Comment by Denise on November 7, 2013 at 4:48am
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Hi Jasmin
I just had to write a response:
You look beautiful, with or without hair - and I suggest you say this to yourself everyday.
In your own time you will find a way to go out without anything on your head. Myself, it took a long time and I decided to make a go of it. It was after my marriage broke up, but I must say my husband never left because of my hair loss and there are men out there who do not care. Basically, women can be just as evil/bitches with hair or without...it really is how you treat the man and he will not care what is or is not on you head - Do not dispair, your time will come to meet someone who sees past the look of no hair. I decided to remove my wigs, because I didn't want to explain to someone new why I was wearing it or have it come off at inappropriated intimate tim - so basically take if or leave it - I am not the one with the problem!
In the meantime, always make yourself look presentable, if you wear make up that make sure it looks good always be happy and act confident, because that is what a man sees and wants in his life - be happy with what you have and go out and in enjoy your life like there is no tomorrow and maybe one day you will attract into your life the right person who loves you for you and nothing else.
I told myself if tomorrow was my last day on earth would I want it to all about my hair - the answer is no!
Maybe for you that is the choice you have to make - one day at a time.
Take care of yourself and don't let anyone put your down or disrespect your because of this.
Dee
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Comment by paula on November 7, 2013 at 6:42am
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stay strong. those who love you....will always love you regardless of hair.....those who don't....are not worth your time.
alopecia CAN be embarrassing......it is something we must change. tell people. i wish i had done so earlier.......
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Comment by Keisha on November 7, 2013 at 8:53am
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Hey girl I feel you..... I have the same doubts sometimes also. Who wants a bald woman? When those thoughts come into my head I just say that there are men out there that don't mind. I'm dating someone right now that states he doesn't care but I'm so self conscious about it. I hate wearing the wigs and wasting my days off cleaning them and ppl looking dead at my hair instead of my face. I'm only 35. I have faith that I will see a cure one day though.
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Comment by Carmen Dayhoff on November 7, 2013 at 9:03am
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There's a lot I'd like to say on this subject as I am 35 and have been bald since I was about 3 1/2 years old. I've met so many people and explained my situation so many times. I've actually had people not be okay with it. But WAY MORE people in my life who are fantastic about. Growing up I was very picky about who knew my secret for fear of rejection mostly. And the fear of people talking bout it behind my back. However! The happy ending was ion ME. I made a major shift in my life and my confidence level beginning about 4 years. It started because I was part of a recovery group (which I would highly recommend for anyone with hairless by the way). The strange thing is I thought I was there for something way different. What I found however was a safe place to share my story. And a safe way to relieve myself of the shame I felt bc of the hair loss. After I came to terms through my group I began to emerson myself in company of others experiencing hair loss. And reading books about Alopecia and survivors who were strengthened in their adversity.
How does this help in dating? Or am I way off the subject? Well. I'm actually right on bc what had to happen for me to date and be comfortable with myself and the intimacy of being so close to someone. If I'm not comfortable in myself how can anyone else be comfortable with me?
I hope that my experience can help a bit in passing it on to you. AW is a great place to be. NAAF conference. Bald Girls Do Lunch. Volunteering to be there for others. Look in a co dependent recovery group. Books. Books. Books. They ALL worked together to help me. I'm sure ANY of them could help u too.
Allow yourself to take time. But in taking time build yourself up. The right man will come as you strengthen yourself. I really have NO problem finding people who accept my hair loss. Especially after I became very open n honest bout it.
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Sorry for the type-o's. But I'm sure u get what I'm saying.
Also one last thing. I'm comfortable with my hair off especially if it's hot or whatever. But I also where wigs. And I get tons of compliments in my hair. I just accept them. If I'm asked where I get my hair done I just tell them it's a wig. Then they're just in awe of how fantastic it looks! Lol I like having hair on my head. But I'm still very comfortable with my hair loss. It can happen.
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Comment by Jasmin Flower on November 7, 2013 at 10:25am
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I want to thank you all for viewing my pain and commenting on it. @Sharon: I agree with what you say a lot, because when I began to lose my hair I did the same thing. Since I've been bald I've only dated to guys and I knew both of them before my hair loss and one was part of the cause for my hair loss. I found out it's easier to go ahead and cut/shave it off, because it's going to be gone anyways. It sucks... =/ =( Thank you btw =]
@Mike: I know your right, but it's still soooo scary! Especially when people think I'm so pretty because how I do my make up, they would never expect me to snatch off a wig and go ooga booga! lol And thank you too!
@Denise: I'm trying to go out with out my wig. Around my apt I will not have my hair on (Outside, not only the Inside) lol Just going deeper into the public without it is the scary part. Then the horrifying part is seeing someone I know and like....Then all that crushing is pffft....I can see where it would be better to go without a wig so if I do meet someone while I'm bald I can erase a lot of fears...Unfortunately I'm not that strong on secure enough yet. I'm working on it. And thanks I appreciate your comment as well. =]
@Paula: I will try and take your advice! I really will...I just don't know when yet! Lol. Thanks :)
@Keisha: Thanks for your input. I do want a cure too. But I also do like wearing wigs...I love being able to change up my look and getting compliments on my gorg hair!! Lol But then its aggravating when the lace scars your forehead and shifts when you scratch your head. I don't even rough house play with people anymore....I used to love rough housing. Now I'm more conserved on having fun....Ugh! I feel if I try to play with people while I'm bald there will be shifty eyes....People making sure they don't touch me....I'd become a germ. :(
@Carmen: I need to find a support group and find books...But I feel guilty and like I don't have the time to look deeper into AU. I have a son who has a disability I don't feel right complaining all over the place because I have no hair, when he has more obstacles than I do. I feel stuck when I know that I'm probably making this harder than it has to be. I know it must have been harder starting younger. In a way I'm glad it happened sooner than later...So I won't be so wtf!!! My hair!! I'm over that phase and just have to worry now if I want to show people my little white sprigs of hair and baldness...Thank you too for the info i do appreciate it!
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P.S. when people compliment my hair I also tell them it's a wig...They are shocked but still believe that I hair underneath... I've dreamt that I did, and when I woke up...I sighed.
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