Comment by Audrey on April 20, 2009 at 10:47am

Oh my god - I relate to this SO MUCH!!! I've had alopecia for about ten years, so by now, I pretty much talk about it all the time to whoever will listen. But it took awhile to get to this point. One of my favorite types of reactions is when I tell someone about it, and they reciprocate by telling me about one of their own weird diseases! And I agree - silence is the worst.

I think the best response I got was a few weeks ago. I had just met a friend of a friend, and alopecia came up. She's like "Oh! Yeah I know about aloepcia." I asked how? She said: "My guinnea pig had it." Ha! Awesome.

It's always kind of tough to talk about personal issues to others, though. I always remind myself, it's unfair for me to have expectations about how they will respond, because their response is both a reflection of their own comfort talking about these things, their own knowledge and experience, as well as a reflection of how I have presented my own issue to them. When I remember, I try to say, "I love it when people ask me questions about this, please feel free to ask anything you want!"

Thanks for starting this conversation Nesha!

Comment by Audrey on April 20, 2009 at 10:52am

PS Oh yeah - I forgot to mention the other contender for worst response:

I had been dating a guy on and off for about two years and we rarely talked about my hair. I finally decided to show him my bare head, shaved but with a few patches of hair at the time, and he said: "It's not as bad as I expected!" ....

Comment by Nesha on April 20, 2009 at 8:06pm

Yeah I had a friend tell me about her own weird disease too!

Thanks so much for responding and sharing your experience.

This comment really hit home for me: "It's always kind of tough to talk about personal issues to others, though. I always remind myself, it's unfair for me to have expectations about how they will respond, because their response is both a reflection of their own comfort talking about these things, their own knowledge and experience, as well as a reflection of how I have presented my own issue to them."

That is so true. I try to remember that. Its just that I want so badly for my friends to UNDERSTAND. When the fact may be, that they don't understand and never will. And maybe that's ok?

I guess I can only ask for them to love me, no matter what.

Comment by Alexandra on April 21, 2009 at 5:52pm

I really like this topic! I have told a few people about my female pattern baldness and the possibility of me being bald, and I had mixed reactions.
One of my best friends told me not to shave my head, but either way it wouldn't make a damn bit of a difference to her.
Another friend told me that if she was in my position she'd have fun with a bunch of different wigs.
Another best friend just said "Oh, heh" and made the situation a little weird.
This guy I'm not quite dating, but am more-than-just-friends with told me he'd leave me until my hair grew back. (Psh! I should beat him to the punch and throw his ass out the door first! Haha!)
My favorite reaction came from my grandma who said "Honey, you'll be beautiful either way and any man should be honored to have your love!" Ahh, I love my nana. =)

At first, I remember not feeling too satisfied by any of these reactions, but I think that was because I was still having trouble coming to terms with it myself. Now, as I accept it more and more each day, I find that other people's reactions matter less and less.

Comment by Rose Wickler on April 29, 2009 at 6:32pm

My best reaction from a friend when he first learned about my aa was a really weird(?) story. A really good friend of mine, who stood by the whole time I went through the emotional roller coaster of my hair loss, and I were talking about my aa one day and without our knowing, her younger brother, who's in the grade below me, overheard us. That was about 5 month ago. 3 days ago, I found another spot after having had regrowth for 3 1/2 months and was really upset. He asked me what was wrong, and I told him. He told me he already knew. He VERY NICELY (i mean, VERY NICELY) told me about having overheard our conversation. He told me he had searched Google afterwords for more information about it but wanted to learn more from me. So i told him everything i knew, and he listened very intently to every word. Then when i was done he said he was very proud of me for holding on so well and that he would be praying for my hair to grow back every day from then on. :)

Comment by Nesha on April 30, 2009 at 9:26pm

Wow that is such an awesome reaction. He actually did research and he said he was proud of you.....how great is that!

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