Alopecia World
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It's rude to stare
Some people should really be reminded of their manners, from curious looks to downright stare fest, seriously. I have been getting this a lot lately. Yes, I am bald. Yes, I’m a woman. No, it wasn’t by choice that I’m bald. No, I’m not on Chemotherapy. Yes, those are extra-bald patches you see scattered all over the backside of my head. Yes, it’s a disease; and before you give me that look, no, it’s not infectious. It’s Alopecia Areata. Google it. Get over it.
I would say I found out about my Alopecia in December last year but that would be lying. For several months before then, I have been actively ignoring the bald spots on my head while painfully enjoying my usually fierce and fabulous short hair. The bald patches kept getting bigger, multiplying beyond my control, until there was no way to hide them anymore. And then December came, what’s left of my hair had to go. Cue violins.
I may not be as vain as most women but I’m definitely all woman in and out, and my hair is supposed to be my crowning glory, right? Imagine my devastation then, and imagine my struggle every day since. Somebody hand me a huge box of tissue right now. The big question was to wear or not to wear a wig? Hah. I chose to embrace it, or at least learn to, while my loved ones remain in denial. Gallivanting hairless was the least of my worries.
Where I’m from, awareness of Alopecia Areata is quite next to nil. Even I didn’t know about it until I had it. Guilty as charged; shoot me. Without the awareness of the people around me, it was a challenge finding support from anyone anywhere. Hey, it’s already a challenge finding a cure, least I could hope for is emotional support, right? I’m a hopeful person like that. Like the awareness of the disease, the support I was hoping for was next to nil as well. From being at the receiving end of tasteless shampoo jokes to accusations of going insane for shaving my hair, I took it all smiling. Ignorance is not an excuse though, correct? It’s just depressing.
These days I try to keep to myself about my Alopecia. Try. You put a happy face on. Keep your brave mask handy. Self-esteem be damned, swear you’ll rise above this. It’s all a piece of cake. But seriously though, it’s just rude to stare.
More about the joys of Alopecia from my blog at http://icedbit.wordpress.com/ :)
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Comment by Yogita on February 21, 2013 at 6:29am
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You have rightly stated the reactions of people around you. My son is 4 years old & suffering from AA for a year. Whenever people see him they ask in front of him about it. He don't like it & avoids such people.
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Comment by MychildhasAT on February 22, 2013 at 2:18am
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I agree! People stare at my 3yr old and I get really pissed. Its so rude! Just ask and ill gladly answer you;)
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Comment by IcedBit on February 22, 2013 at 4:01am
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Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this! :)
It's really sad, and even quite hurtful sometimes when people look at you as though you're some sort of a freak of nature. It's important to keep an open mind and a huge heart. I try my best to understand, we're all only humans after all. There really is a need to spread awareness about Alopecia and similar conditions.
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Comment by Weston D on February 24, 2013 at 4:00pm
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Its harder for women to have this condition. I had a hell of a time with alopecia growing up. Then I turned 22, gained 20 pounds of muscle, now everyone thinks I'm a in the service. Regardless, I aged into my look, one that is socially accepted in men. The only hint of hair disease now is that I have half a right eyebrow to my full left.
Women never age into the look to the point where the average people will not notice. I've been to the support meetings and I've heard a lot about the struggles you ladies face. They way to help yourself is to find good friends, and use sites like this on or the conferences to meet other alopecians in your area, men and/or women.
Don't get me wrong by assuming that what I said above means I think women have to cover up. People you know you will have respect for you without a wig. Personally I find some alopecian woman attractive and a few to be very attractive with or without a wig.
By the way, Icedbit, you can show your face in your profile. Your among people who feel your experience!
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Hi Weston D! Thank you for sharing your note. Most times I long to be able to wear my hair (or lack of it) freely, without the coverage of a hat, wig or beanie due to the immensely uncomfortable stares I get when I don’t have them (which often leads to me explaining what AA is…). And when I'm uncomfortable, my companions get uncomfortable, and the day-out turns into a disaster (worse case scenario, not always). It can get exhausting. But I'm counting my blessings and I do have A LOT to be grateful for with or without hair. And that said, profile picture's now changed. Cheers! :)
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Comment by Hayden Elizabeth Montross on April 27, 2013 at 10:45am
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I totally appreciate your situation! My 11 year old daughter has Alopecia Areata, she was 4 yrs 9 mos old when it began. She's gone from a full head of hair to barely patches here & there, otherwise bald, to regrowth & enough hair to hide the bald scalp (normally she has tons of hair & I think that has benefitted her in concealing). She's actually had enough hair in the past couple of years for it to grow very long although underneath she was very bald (the back & areas on the sides) but now, in the last several months it has fallen out at record speed and I worry about her starting middle school in the fall. When she was bald before it was almost like I was walking around with alopecia. My inner Mama Bear comes out and goes into protect mode. And as it is starting again, the stares are increasing. The gawking. It is very frustrating and somewhat. Mind blowing that "adults" stare... What is that about?!?
I realize I may have rambled on, but I couldn't agree more with you and I am searching for ideas, thoughts, advice for her future and handling what's to come. She is fortunately a very confident young lady, she has handled alopecia very well but she also loves having her hair.... I would hate for her to lose her confidence because of alopecia and people's ignorance!
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