Messing with my emotions

So the past 4 months have been such a roller coaster of emotions. I have been so upset that I have to go through this with so many important things coming up in my life, like my wedding. Then I feel blessed that it is not something more serious to my health. Lately I have been feeling better and starting to accept my hair loss, and almost having faith that it is growing back. I have stopped all medical treatments after being put on prednisone and absolutely hating it. I am letting my body do whatever it needs to do. My hair is going to do what it wants whether I get shots in my head or not. I have been using Nioxin hair treatments which may or may not be helping. I have seen some fuzzy hairs on my first spots but who knows if they will stay.
I am telling more people and they all still say they could never tell because I had so much hair to begin with. But its getting thinner and more noticeable. Today was the first day in a little while that I felt depressed about my hair. I was doing so good and then woke up today, ran my hands through my hair and had a handful of strands. It was definitely not the way I wanted to start my day. I hate feeling this way and just wish I could fully accept what is happening to me. I am in such a better mood when I am not stressing or thinking about alopeica. My fiance is very supportive and is always here for me if I need a shoulder to cry on, but loves it when I am my normal happy go lucky self. The person I was before I started losing my hair.
I know this disease is very unpredictable and no one knows the path it will take or when it still stop. This is the hardest part for me because I do not do well with things I can not control, its very anxiety provoking. Its like a endless circle because in my case I am pretty sure my AA was stress related, but my hair loss has been causing a tremendous amount of stress.
The best thing that has happened to me was this website because when I am feeling down I just come here and read discussions to get me through the day. Thank you all for your words of encouragement and information. It does help even if you do not have direct contact with someone.

Views: 7

Comment by Jodi on March 26, 2009 at 1:51am
I just did that tonight too... ran my fingers through my hair and came out with a bloody fist full of strands. I too have long hair and no one can tell yet, but I am pretty resigned to the fact that it will likely get worse. And I am trying to stay focused on finding solutions that I can live with that will allow me to feel keep feeling feminine and pretty. The worst part about AA is the way it undermines your self confidence. Seriously, how much of your beauty is your attitude and how much is really your hair Erin? You can fake the hair but you can't fake being happy and self confident. By the way, have you found the head spray paint stuff yet? I've been using something called 'my secret hair' or something like that that i bought on drugstore.com and it has been working swimingly. Highly recommend it for the patches.
Comment by ErinMichele on March 26, 2009 at 9:52am
I do have Magic Spray which works but it makes my hair very sticky. Do u like the stuff you are using? I might look into something else.
Comment by Jennifer Krahn on March 26, 2009 at 11:27am
I know I have good days and bad ones. I despise the burning I get by my patches and then find the handfull of hair that then proceeds to fall out. I HATE the wind...and I am living in one of the windiest cities. I too can hide all my patches so far, but the time is coming when I know I'll have to make decisions as to what to do next. I try to joke every once and awhile about these patches to my hubby and family and it helps. I know that beauty isn't on the outside and comes from within...but the self-confidence that has been lost along with my hair at times really sucks. I appreciate the truthfulness of your story...you pretty much sum up how I feel on those days. There are other days where I just want to shave it off, be done with the fear and get it over with...but I like my hair too much:) Hope you have a good one. You are going to be a knockout at your wedding!!!
Comment by Holly Hlavacek on September 2, 2009 at 2:27am
I have had AA for almost 5 years now and only had either no spots or maybe 1 or 2 small ones. Over the last year I have slowly lost about 50% of my hair on my head and some on my arm (one that I broke about 6 months ago). Recently I bought a wig; it was the style and color I always tried dyeing, highlighting, spraying and ratting my own beautiful, longer than my torso and shiny golden blonde natural hair. Kind of ironic, now I can have that style in 5 minutes (and doesn't hurt to brush). Its different; not necessarily preferable but I appreciate the health of my body, mind and cognitive function. It is what it is, I am glad I don't have a more serious disease/disorder. Hang in there and appreciate all you have. Enjoy the love between your husband and yourself.

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