Hi all,
Its been a long time since I ve blogged.The last time I did, it all came out very positive, but today not so much. Anyway after a lot of thought and encouragement from my mom and my hubby I finally summed up the courage to shave my hair off, totally!! I have very scanty hair , but the little I had I grew long because for a long time now I wanted to donate my hair to locks of love. Wierd right?! Anyway when I had that little hair some how it was a little easier to conceal the thinning areas, though it meant that I had to wash my hair every time I went out and carefully comb it to conceal the bald spots,though not very successfully.
So anyway, finally I went and bought a wig and then went to do the deed.The lady there chopped off the pony and she told me she will give me a boy cut and if I dint like it she would shave my head.She did a pretty good job but I could see my scalp all over.I wanted to shave my head but somehow I dint have the courage to do it and so I left it that way.I dint have the time to put on the wig as I had to meet a friend for dinner.So I went to the restaurant and sure enough the dim lights bounced off my shinny scalp.All the people stopped and stared at me for a brief second and then started glancing my way every now and then.I wanted to crawl under the table and die.The waiters and all were very empathetic.They thought I had cancer!! This was the single most heart breaking experience, I finished my dinner asap and rushed home.My hubby was as awesome as ever. I just wanted to hold him tight and cry.But I dint want to worry him.He thinks I am very brave and strong, so I chocked back the tears and I tried on the wig I bought and sure enough it was pretty, but nothing is as natural as your natural hair right?! As I stared at that long, pretty , shinny ,black hair with highlights, I couldn't help but feel the lump raising in my throat and only one word came to my mind, "WHY???"
Hats off to all you brave people who walk with your heads held high.It takes a lot of courage not to care.I'm sure I will feel much better tomorrow.But I just wanted to put this emotion into words before it passed over, because I want all you brave and proud people like me out there , that once in a while, on your bad days, its okay to cry.
I will try and avoid close scrutiny by the mirror for the next few days.I should get back some strength and attitude by then.
As always, you guys are wonderful!! Thanks for listening. :)