I definitely can feel a turning point in this entire process. I have been so aware of myself going through each of the 7 stages of grief.

Stage 1 - Denial
Losing my hair has been a process. Last year, I was at a sales conference in Chicago and I felt a smooth spot on the back of my head. When I got home from my business trip, I asked my boyfriend to check it out and he said it looked like someone had taken a lock of my hair. This was the first of many times that I used the two mirrors in my bathroom to fully examine every inch of my scalp. I found 4 or 5 bald spots that day and made a doctor's appt immediately. The doctor recommended cortisone shots and the mere thought of having needles injected into my head seemed like something out of a horror movie (I am so afraid of needles). I passed on the shots and wanted to keep an eye on things - I was in total denial

Stage 2 - Pain & Guilt
I went to Hawaii to visit my family and told them about my recent hair loss. They asked if I was taking my vitamins and claimed that my job was too stressful. I hadn't been taking my vitamins and my job was definitely too stressful. As I looked around my parents' house, I noticed all the pictures of me with long hair and remembered how often I would complain about bad hair days. Man, was I ungrateful. I cried myself to sleep a lot and felt bad for being so superficial. I knew it was only hair, but I just couldn't help it. It hurt and I had a tough time explaining how I was feeling.

Stage 3 - Anger & Bargaining
I started to change my diet. I didn't drink for a couple of months and decided to do the LA Marathon. I was training constantly and this took my mind off things a little. I kept thinking that if I lived a healthier life, I could magically get my hair to reappear. I began the cortisone shots, but those didn't work. The oral treatment started soon thereafter. It seemed like it was working, but my hair continued to fall out.

Stage 4 - Depression & Reflection
This part of the process was a tough one. I had gained a bunch of weight from all the steroids and boy, was I moody! I didn't want to go out and do the things I normally do. I quit my job and spent a lot of time feeling sorry for myself. Of course I looked for jobs, but when they would invite me for an interview, I felt anxiety about my hair. How can look presentable under these conditions?

Stage 5 - The Upward Turn
After the marathon, I got a burst of energy. I rediscovered that part of me that was buried in insecurity since this whole process started. There's just something about running 26.2 miles that changes you. There were so many people running and supporting strangers who were running. A really great display of humanity. I was inspired. I saw people in wheelchairs, a girl with a prosthetic leg, children, cancer survivors, etc.

Stage 6 - Reconstruction & Working Through
Last Friday I started to feel like I was ready to shave my head and regain control over my destiny. I called my boyfriend at work and told him. He had been encouraging me to do this for months, but I wasn't ready. I was surprised by how long it took, considering how much hair I had lost. So far, I have lost about 30% of my hair, maybe more. First I shaved my head, then I took shaving cream and got the closest shave possible. It was a strange sensation, but it was invigorating! I wasn't emotional, which was shocking for me. I thought I would breakdown at some point. Instead I was overwhelmed with happiness. Maybe it was adrenaline. Either way, it's the best decision I've made.

Stage 7 - Acceptance & Hope
Finding this site has gotten me into this stage quicker than I thought. Knowing that there are so many other people out there living with this disease is having a profound effect on me. I don't know anyone else with Alopecia Areata and it's comforting to know you're all out there. Getting my first wig will help me ease back into things. I work in advertising and was just about to make the transition into sales. I love meeting new people and will probably tell everyone that I'm wearing a wig....eventually. ;)

Views: 27

Comment by Jenna4 on March 31, 2010 at 8:37am
HI Brandy -- thank you for your post. It pretty much outlines exactly what I have been experiencing since I found my first spot almost 2 months ago...knowing that it is a grieving process helps put everything into perspective and helps me to accept that what I am feeling is "normal" under the circumstances. I think if I put all my patches together, I've probably lost about 40% of my hair and it's still falling out daily. I am still struggling with whether or not to shave it off, so I won't until I know I am ready. (something else I learned from AW)
This site has helped me in so many ways. It's amazing that even though I don't know anyone else with alopecia in my real life, there is such an outpouring of love and support from all these strangers out there on the world wide web. All you have to do is reach out and there are many hands there ready to grab you and hold you up.
I started wearing my wig last week when I got tired of trying to hide all my spots. Now, I don't obsess over how big my sots are getting, can anyone see them, pulling hair out all day long...I am almost starting to feel normal again. I feel like I haven't been living my life since I discovered my first spot...all my concentration has been focused on my alopecia.

Well, I for one am ready to start living my life - with or without hair. Sounds like you are too!

Good luck!
Comment by Joshua on March 31, 2010 at 1:14pm
Hi Brandy, love your post so much...the 7 steps seemed to be exactly what I've been through... I've been AU for 8 years now. and I spent the first year and a half from Stage 1 to Stage 4. Stage 5 & 6 took me 2 years!

and I've been in Stage 7 for the past 5 years...and hopefully I will remain in Stage 7 for a long time to come.

Thank you for your post. Love it absolultely!

Joshua
Comment by Mary on March 31, 2010 at 4:58pm
This is wonderful, Brandy!
Comment by Clara S. on March 31, 2010 at 8:58pm
Brandy, I was in stage 2-4, sometimes oscillating between those stages for nearly 2 years! I've only just arrived at stage 7 and I'm happy I did because now I'm feeling so much better mentally and way more positive about myself. And now I'm just trying to educate people if they notice or ask or anything. Thank you so much for writing this up! love it!
Comment by Petra on April 1, 2010 at 2:33pm
Congrats on running the marathon. You have a great outlook! It took me a long time to get to stage 5. One of these days I hope to face the world without my hair on and once again feel the sunshine on my head.
Comment by sunstar7 on May 2, 2010 at 10:05pm
Wow.. .Thanks for sharing your story ! I've only been on this site a few days, and feel so uplifted by the stories i've read. Continued success to you

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