Comment by Kristi Kelly on October 21, 2010 at 7:47pm

My husband kind of has the same attitude. He tells me that it's ok and I'm not bald and no one can tell unless I show them. He tells me I can't sit around thinking about "what if" and I need to just be happy and quit worrying about it. It's easier said that done. I went ahead and let my dermatologist do a biopsy on me today. I just need to know. I guess that I would rather know and be disappointed then to constantly worry about it. I guess I am hoping that she tells me that I have a fungal infection or something else that can easily be reversed. My pattern is strange. For over a year I have been saying that my hair is a lot thinner on my right side near my hairline and everyone said I was crazy. Then in August I noticed some very small patches in the thin area. I do not have excessive shedding so it is coming out slowly and I wonder if maybe it is something else. The left side of my head is very thick and maybe even thicker since I have been taking vitamins over the last year. I am just so nervous that I am going to have a big bald patch over my ear and behind it. How ugly would that be? I would look like I had a freaky disease. I finally am doing good for myself and went back to college. I got into the RN program and I am in my first semester of the actual program and I was so excited. I felt like I am finally making something of myself. I will finally be able to do my dream and better support my family. Now this happened and I can't get my mind off of it. I think about it so much that it is hard to study. I am loosing my drive. I don't feel up to anything anymore. I just wish this would all go away.

Comment by Kimberly Duncan on October 21, 2010 at 10:09pm

Diane and Kristi, my husband is the same way he lives in denial he says its everything but AA. He keeps telling its because I have dyed my hair for over 20years. I come to this website so I can get the compassion I need and he does not understand why I cry all the time. But I did order two wigs offline to be on the safe side. Like you Diane I expect the worse so if it does happened I wont be so dissappointed and upset. Hang in there. :)

Comment by Kristi Kelly on October 21, 2010 at 11:18pm

I really wish my husband was more compassionate when it comes to this. He tells me I will love you no matter what, with or without hair but thats the extent of it. When i cry he gets aggravated. He just can't understand why I'm crying over something that may get better or may get worse. He says it won't kill me and don't cry until it happens. Then he tells me if you have a wig you won't have to get up so early in the morning to get ready. He does not understand the toll that this is putting on my emotions.

Comment by Susan P aka DGADBS on October 22, 2010 at 10:48am

Diana I too can tell when my Alopecia is active because I get the itching, not all over, just in certain spots. I'm sure your husband is just trying to stay positive for your sake because he doesn't want you to worry.

Comment by Trish on October 22, 2010 at 2:56pm

Kristi, I to feel the same way lost all of my motivation, and I worked so hard to get where I am today and I feel like still I just wanna give up, but my family pushes me to finish it out..I cant focus on my patients without thinking about my own head its horrible..
Diana, Im not sure I can ever accept what it is that is going on in my head, but I to have the itchy feeling and know that it is an indication of active disease, my head continues to shed itchy or not though..When its itchy it also gets a little sore and when I do the pull test I can pull out a substantial amount of hair..I have come to the conclusion that my hair is still falling or will fall out because my scalp is still red, which indicates it is still being attacked by your lymphocytes and WBC..

Comment by Diana Carter on October 23, 2010 at 2:45am

Up til now, my bald spots have been like very soft baby-like skin, but now I noticed they have become like red, and look like something that would resemble a rash-like appearance..is the best way I can describe the looks of them..is that how y'alls are too? Seems every week brings something new..Also, where my head has itched for a couple of days, I noticed today that it seems to have like a (clear scab???) sort of...on my scalp, which, when I scratch the itch, it flakes onto my hair, like a dandruff...so I sat and pulled it out of my hair..Have any of you had this? I keep coming up with new questions, and I dont know if this is what everyone else goes through or not. If my hair falls out where its been itching, its been the ENTIRE back of my head..of course, this bothers me..such a large area...so far, no hair coming out..cause I am doing the pull tests also Trish. Can't help but wonder when it'll start again. I looked at scarves today, and a couple of hats, but I couldn't bring myself to buy any :(

Comment by Diana Carter on October 23, 2010 at 2:56am

Thanks to all of you ladies. I sometimes think I am accepting this, but I just don't know, I mean, once I can no longer hide it...I'm not so sure. I have never liked hats. I remember when I first came to AW...looking at some of the bald women, thinking to myself, "But she's so pretty"...I think I am gonna look so ugly..and my hair is my best feature. When it's yucky, I feel yucky, when it's dirty, I feel gross. Also, I stay so HOT all the time. and I worry that I will get way too hot in a wig, hat, or scarf. I don't think I can be comfortable going bald anywhere. I am to self-concious that ppl will stare at me. People are always complimenting me on my hair, and a week before my actual diagnosis, one of the ladies in my Bible Study actually told me she really thought my hair was so soft looking, and she asked if she could touch it.. I think about how I have always loved to have my hair combed by someone other than myself. I will miss that. I also love having my hair played with..or fingers through my hair..these are things I think about...and some people do not understand the emotional aspects of this...besides just the looks. I think its gonna be harder than I originally thought..the more I have thought about it. :( I wish we all lived close, and could get together to chat..I need that! I'm sure we all do! Funny, but from day one on here, I have felt like I belonged immediately. Thanks to you all for being so supportive..we are in this together..and together we are stronger!

Comment by Kimberly Duncan on October 23, 2010 at 10:09pm

Diane, hello again the red bumps and flakes I have the same thing. So I feel better I am not alone not that I want us to go through this but at least we can understand what each of us are going through. ALso when my hair falls out there are white clumps on the end of the hair. I did buy two cheap wigs just to have in case I needed them. Rather be safe then sorry, so if I neede to start wearing them I can buy a couiple more. Hang in there

Comment by Diana Carter on October 23, 2010 at 11:35pm

Thank you Kimberly! I was surprised to see the soft, pale skin to change to red, and the itching..well, it still IS! I asked my hubby to play with my hair today. I savored every minute of it :'( I soooo LOVE that! I think I was trying to memorize the feeling..think I may be taking him up on this 'therapy' as often as possible now, while I can~ Matter of fact, to pamper myself, I bought some comfy jammies, put them on, and after he played with my hair, I fell asleep in his lap. To make my story even more perfect, it has been an especially rainy, rainy day today! Love it!
Yes, it is great to have each other through this..it has really made me smile..really! I don't feel alone. I know noone with this personally, but I plan to meet one of my Alopecia World friends face to face soon...when I can get well..I have been sick for over a week. Hoping I don't stay sick catching everything now, as I work as a sub with special needs kids, who are often sick. I bought some Zinc tablets today, to boost my immune system!

Comment by Diana Carter on October 25, 2010 at 8:57pm

Hi Jill...you sound like me..I run around mostly with no makeup, and when it was long, hair in a pony tail..and definitely barefooted :) - flip flops if I am going out.

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