Comment by Tallgirl on June 6, 2011 at 12:59pm

I used to think that way, especially when my mother suggested I wear contacts and make-up, in addition to my wig, while I was a teen. Then, I thought about "fakeness" in general: we are born naked and furless, and were originally only provided with nuts, berries, roots, caves, and animals to hunt. Then, to make our lives comfortable, we have invented bras, ovens, houses, vehicles, planes, instant communication without words, underwear, fridges, recipes, shoes, braces, prosthetic limbs, heart transplants, surgery, drugs and cures, glasses, hearing aids...why not wigs?

Look around you. You have no idea how anyone you pass on the street, or any of her loved ones, has modified the outer or inner body to even survive, manipulate childbearing, or maintain a heartbeat. Go easy on yourself, and go have fun while you are young! I just took OFF my wig to bare a newly-shaved head while on vacation, and no one even looked or commented! Furthermore, when I showed my vacation pix to a lady wearing wig in my town from chemo hair loss (She goes to listen to local music regularly, and I knew she would be there. Her husband is one of the musicians.), I included the bald photos. I think she was grateful to find someone else in town to share her own hair loss. You never know when you can be a support for someone else.

Comment by lauren on June 6, 2011 at 1:35pm

My mom suggestes the same thing to me and wants me to wear fake eyelashes. Thank You so much for the advice its helping make my decison. ( which is delayed by my indecissiveness haha)

Comment by Violet on June 6, 2011 at 3:04pm

I feel just like you, Lauren. I have been dealing with patchy AA for many years off and on, and what I am experiencing now has knocked me down. I don't feel like I have it in me to keep going like this. I have those same self-loathing thoughts that you have. And like you pointed out about yourself, there's no one making me feel this way but me. I have gone out wigless many times, but my AA has worsened making me more self-conscious than I felt before. So I can't really offer pearls of wisdom, but I can tell you that you're not alone in how you feel.

Comment by lauren on June 7, 2011 at 12:32am

Thanks for commenting it helps knowing that im not alone with these silly thoughts. Today I faced one of my demons by going out for the first time without anything except for this awesome drawing my sister did on my head. I was stared at intensly ( thats not just my paranoia my sister noticed it as well) but I felt good about myself and how I looked for the first time in a while. I hope you get through this soon cause it sucks having those stupid thoughts .

Comment by Bald and Fabulous AKA Terri on June 7, 2011 at 12:09pm

I too suffer from self-loathing, altho the days between those have gotten farther apart. I have wigs, beautiful wigs, which I seldom wear. Partially from experiences as a child being teased and bullied wearing them to they make me feel the itchy discomfort of them. I think my big moment for me where things started to change was the night that I finally shaved my head. I tied 2 tiny pig tails in my hair in order to make a clean shave and keep my hair. It always felt that I had something up there ...possibly enough to grow one day. Well when I shaved it off and look at my pigtails I saw how tiny it really was. It shook me to the core to see how little hair I really had going, I deluded myself thinking I had something more. I kept my hair in a small zip-lock bag, partially as a reminder and partially cause I just cant seem to throw it away yet.
I totally agree with Tan, YOU are what makes whatever look you have work. Do whatever works for YOU, and feels right for YOU. I think some get confused in the thinking that just because you dont go out au naturel means that you are hiding or havent accepted alopecia. That is completely wrong. There is people all around the world that have different looks that work for them or expresses the way they feel. Doesnt mean it right for you. If a spiky pink mohawk or a goth look or cowboy attire isnt you then you dont do it. Same goes if walking out into the world bald. You will find your comfort and happiness and self love doing what works for you.
Personally I love my silks scarves, I get to change the colours, prints, the way to tie them, add accessories.

Comment by Cindel on June 7, 2011 at 4:11pm

Lauren I too struggle being self-concious... I honestly can say that I do not think that I will ever get over losing my hair, having bald spots, spending 30 extra min. in the bathroom trying to look 'normal'. I too try to stay positive and pretend that it doesn't bother me...but sometimes I feel like i'm being positive not for myself but for my freinds and family who want to support me. I don't want people to feel sorry for me and I don't want to feel sorry for myself... but I do sometimes. It's so difficult to get up and act like being bald is no biggie. Its just hair I still have my health. lol. Slowly through many years of pitty and hatred towards alopecia I have accepted it. I don't like it... in fact I really hate it. I think I have accepted that I have alopecia and its out of my hands. I always have it in the back of my mind. Everytime I shower and a fist full of hair falls out my heart sinks. I jump out of the shower and begin my inspection. Most of the time its a false alarm. What I have learned slowly is that society has a norm and if your not tall, skinny and blond then there must be something wrong with you! lol All women (and men too) have something they are self-concious about. Are my feet too big, are my teeth crooked, am I too fat, too skinny, smart, ugly, poor, etc. Be true to yourself. You know what makes you feel good and comfortable. If you feel like wearing a wig isn't who you are then don't do it. If you could never walk in public bald then don't do it. Being bald isn't for everyone including myself. If you want to be angry about having alopecia and want to feel self pitty then do it. But don't dwell on it or let it consume your life. Its better to be angry and grieve then to bottle it up and pretend like nothing is wrong. Once you have been angry and sad then you CAN accept alopecia and move on.
I really hope that you will find what makes you happy. I too am searching for what makes me feel comfortable. I am still embarrassed to tell people who don't know yet. I recently moved to another state and it will be a while before I will be able to tell my new friends.
Best of luck to you!!!

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