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Nothing good to say
I have rarely considered myself a man of few words. But in this case I will. I have had alopecia totalis for over 40 yrs; no hair anywhere. And even though I have grown up, much of the world has not. I know that if I had to do it all over, I would probably made a much better go of my life, despite my condition. But no man is an island. We are all social beings and what people say to us, both to our face, and behind our back, when they think we cannot hear, permeates into us and our feelings/ourselves then reflect out into and onto others. To this day I have never had a girlfriend or a relationship in my life. I am 56. I lost my virginity at 49 and that was about it. I know that we all determine some part of our destiny. But there are many obstacles in the road of life, mostly made up of other people; shallow, insensitive, superficial, and childish. The list goes on. I do realize that there are millions of people in the world who have it way worse than we who have this condition do. But that does not necessarily make any of those in our world (or mine) any smarter or kinder. Maybe until I meet someone, someday, who accepts me as I am (I no longer feel I ever ever will) then I may have something good to say about this condition. So far I do not! Mark Hansen, Milwaukee, WI.
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Comment by LilyBell*Murphy'sLawLuvsMe on November 1, 2012 at 7:23pm
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Mark I am so you have been so lonely - I don't know what else to say to you other than that.
Andre, I do think you are right - looks matter, everyone wants to be with someone they find attractive and try as we might to think that looks don't matter - they do. And try as we might to think there is a really broad range in what is attractive - in my opinion, there really isn't. There is actually science to what the opposite sex finds attractive - has to do with symmetry, distances between facial features, etc. That being said I do agree with have to do the best with what we have and I think your working out is a good place to place your efforts. And yes personality matters - but most people are attracted to someones looks first then get to know the others personality.
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so sorry - left a word out - I am so sorry Mark that you have been lonely
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Comment by Dominique Cleopatra on November 1, 2012 at 11:11pm
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I agree with Rose Marie's post, but in addition to that have you ever considered something like the Hair Club for Men or another place where you can get a bonded on hair system like I have? Anything to get you out of this funk dude : )
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BTW at your age most men end up bald anyway.
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Comment by wise1 on November 2, 2012 at 11:01pm
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Andre, no I'm not saying it is taboo or sinful to look for someone you are attracted to or that you find attractive, but I just wanted to gently remind you that attractiveness does go beyond looks. Good for you for keeping yourself healthy and presenting yourself in the best light you can.
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Andre, I have been working out at the downtown MIlwaukee, WI. YMCA for 12 years and I worked out for about another 8 years before that, between the gym at UWM, and another place that I belonged to here in MIlwaukee before it closed down. All total I have been working out and weight lifting for about about 20 yrs. I am in better shape than I was 20 yrs ago. It has never made one damn bit of diffenence in improving my social life.
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And, BTW, YOU SAY, "at your age most men end up bald anyway" Sure, maybe I would have succumed to maybe, male pattern baldness anyways. BUT, with my aleopcia, MY WHOLE BODY IS BLANK. I HAVE NO HAIR ANYWHERE. AND MOST MEN THAT I HAVE SEEN WITH THIS CONDITION, WHO EVEN JUST HAVE NO HAIR ONLY ON THEIR HEADS, HAVE NO EYE LASHES AND EYEBROWS EITHER. AND U CAN'T HIDE THAT.
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I WORE A WIG FOR 40+ YEARS SINCE I WAS 15, BEFORE I TOOK THEM/IT OFF ABOUT 8 YRS AGO. WEARING THE WIG DID ME NO GOOD AT ALL EITHER. BEC ALL I DID WAS TO HIDE UNDER IT AND I DID NOT TAKE MORE CHANCES BY APPROACHING WOMEN BEC I THOUGHT THAY THEY WOULD BE TURNED OFF IF I TOLD THEM MY SECRET. BUT IN OTHER CASES WHEN I DID IT TELL THEM, IT WAS A TURN OFF.
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AS FOREST GUMP WOULD SAY "I GUESS THAT'S ALL I HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THAT." "WELL NOT REALLY" MARK HANSEN.
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LOOKS WILL DRAW YOU HIM/HER IN, YOUR PERSONALITY/COMPATIBILITY ETC., WILL KEEP THEM INTERESTED OR TURN THEM AWAY. OTHER THAN THE FACT THAT I HAVE NOT APPROACHED ENOUGH WOMEN OVER THE COURSE OF MY LIFE BECAUSE OF THIS CONDITION, WHICH IS MY REALLY BIG FAULT, MY PERSONALTY ALONE HAS NEVER EVER BEEN ENOUGH TO ATTRACT A WOMAN OR GET ME A GIRLFIEND OR RELATIONSHIP. BUT THATS LIFE LIVE IT OR DON'T. RARELY, BUT SOMETIMES, I PONDER THE LATTER. THANKS ALL OF U FOR YOUR COMMENTS I APPRECIATE IT MUCH. LATER, MARK HANSEN
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