Alopecia World
Where acceptance is all there is!
Out in the world as an alopecian; the job interview and further steps
While I am a musician (Singer/Songwriter), I don't exist off the air I breathe. It would be nice. When I was signed to a label in the mid-90s I toured, made very good money. Long story short, my contract with my label was not renewed. It meant "start over". Back to a day job. I burned the candle at both ends, working to support myself, pursuing my musical endeavors, writing performing.
Like millions of other Americans I was laid off in 2008. I work as a temp whenever afforded the opportunity which is seldom, but I do what I can. I survive because I am married and my husband works. We live on a shoestring, but we live. We've done everything, filed for bankruptcy, moved to a smaller cheaper apartment, I had to give back my car. Making it work.
I embraced my alopecia, my bald head, when all my hair pretty much went this past March 2011. I had no problem being out in the world bald. For the most part, I was accepted. Dealt with the usual stupidity of some people, but not the end of the world. I am beginning to realize there is a good chance I was passed over for employment because of my bald head.
Given the current economy, employers can, and do discriminate. In my case, its pretty hefty. I'm female, a Black-Cuban, I'm middle-aged and I'm bald. I can't do much about my age or ethnicity. I recently lost out on a job where I'd been told "you are the #1 candidate". No reason was given except that someone else was chosen. I cried for 2 days. Mostly, because I figured it was about my bald head.
I'd been counseled to advise prospective employers that I don't have cancer. Their first thought is that I may be out sick a lot. I wait until I am well into the interview to mention it. So far, all interviewers make light of it "oh I didn't think anything of it, thanks for advising". I know its a huge pile of shit when they say this. I'm sure its the FIRST thing they noticed, my baldness. Nonetheless, I cover myself. I am still jobless.
My Alopecian sister-mentor "Crowned Regal" (some of you may know her) gave me good advice. She said wear the wig until you get the job. When you know you HAVE the job tell the immediate people that count, like your supervisor. After this its not an issue (well, it shouldn't be).
I had bought a wig prior to shaving the little bit of hair I had left on my head. It looked great to me, then. This is because it was better than the alternative. After I removed what little hair I had that wig looked like a costume to me. I'm guessing now that I have embraced my alopecian self and bald head, picking a different wig may feel/look better to me than what I bought when I still had some hair. I thinks its psychological.
I would like to have a wig made that will lay right on my head, but I don't have the money. My friend recommended to me the places where to go to get a wig that is affordable. I've seen her wigs, they're fantastic. So, off I go next week. I'll wear a wig to my interviews and after I get a job; sometimes to the job. Not my preference, but I have to eat, pay rent and take care of myself. Its part of my circumstance. Yeah, I can dig in my heals and so "no, they have to accept me just as I am" but they won't be accepting like they haven't been. We're living in difficult economic times and corporate America is worse and more prejudicial than its ever been because THEY CAN BE. It is doubtful to me that there was a real reason why I was not hired for this position that wasn't related to my baldness. I was told I was "it" by the recruiter. They were completely surprised at my not being hired as well. For the record I am extremely eloquent and well-spoken. It is what it is.
Rolling with the punches with my alopecian-self.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Be bold, be brave, be bald, be yourself,(when you can).
Lili
Comment
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Comment by Lili Añel (aka Eulalia) on November 25, 2011 at 5:57pm
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Thank you, Mary. I'm torn. I want to feel "myself" which would mean be bald. I am going to go wig-hunting and see if something feels comfortable enough for me to deal with wearing on an interview which is stressful enough as it is. I appreciate your kind words.
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Comment by Mary on November 25, 2011 at 4:40pm
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Lili - I'm just now catching up on recent blogs and reading your wonderful post. When I read what you write, I feel like I'm reading my own words.
I'm very fortunate that I am no longer in the job market, and I don't take that for granted. I've thought about what I would've done if I'd lost my hair years ago when I was a lawyer or mediator. I think I would've definitely worn a wig to court (certainly for jury trials), and for the first few meetings with clients. I think I probably would have gone bald or worn a light scarf once clients knew me, and when I wasn't in court.
If I were out looking for work now, I think I'd follow Crowned Regal's advice and wear a wig until I had the job and perhaps until I was past any probationary period. After that, if someone let me go and I thought it was because of my baldness, I'd go after them for health-based descrimination.
Good luck in the job search (and wig search), Lili. If I hadn't already given all my wigs away, I'd send one to you to try! As Terri said, you have such strength and beautiful spirit and intelligence that someone will surely snap you up.
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Comment by SilkHead on November 23, 2011 at 6:48pm
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I agree and disagree. I quit wearing wigs about 6 years ago. Since then, I have landed many stellar jobs, the jobs I wanted. I do believe that sometimes, even before we walk into an interview, that the interviewer has an "idea" of what they want. Hair or no hair we may or may not fit into that category. I know for myself tho, that even if I was the best candidate and they didn't pick me because I don't have hair, well then I really didn't want to work there anyways. Believe Lili that if you keep up your great attitude and be strong, the right place, the best fit for you will come and land at your doorstep as long as you keep working. Have a little faith, faith in the world.
Yes alopecia can sometimes work against us, but it can also be a powerful tool, especially in the job market. If we look for what those tools are for ourselves respectively and what qualities they give us that help us stand out above others, then we are going to succeed.
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Comment by Lili on November 23, 2011 at 6:21pm
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I hope a real opportunity opens to you soon! It's messed up that anything that makes an individual would impede employment. I do the woe is me a lot because I'm balding and I'm a licensed hair dresser. I think a good wig to get the job would help, but also costs money I don't have haha! I know there are alopecian hair dressers here on this site, and I'm sure I can get a job bald too, but I don't have forever to wait for a door to open, so I've been applying to just about any job I can, even super markets! Hey, I need the $$... wishing you luck that you find something soon!
I think sometimes the best option is to really widen the search and look very hard. Something might open up that you wouldn't expect.
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Comment by David B327 on November 22, 2011 at 3:57pm
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That's a bummer Lili. The world would be a much bette place if people got by on merit.
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Comment by Bald and Fabulous AKA Terri on November 21, 2011 at 9:56pm
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Best of luck to you Lili. I know you will rock this world and any potential employer should consider themselves lucky to have you. You have a strong and beautiful spirit and when "they" get passed the physical they will see it too.
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Comment by Tallgirl on November 20, 2011 at 11:41pm
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After hearing your most-excellent music on this site, I would think that someone would assume the opposite of what you just typed...that you would be getting major gigs and TV segments! I LOVE the mood you create with your singing!
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@Tallgirl I never talk nor disclose what I do on my own time at job interviews, meaning my music. That would be dumb. People have what are viewed as their "hobbies"; what I do on my own time is no one's business and I don't volunteer this information. Their is a stigma associated with being a musician, prejudices similar to being bald; all musicians are drug addicts, never on time, always call out. In my case, couldn't be further from the truth. If I were earning a real wage as a musician that LAST thing I would be doing would be looking for a day-job.
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The only thing I can think about that dumb employer is that there is a different position waiting for you there, or maybe that your second profession, music, may have been seen as a conflict in time for big cases. Seems they should have hired you, to me!
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@LilyBell, I consider myself fortunate. My life story is not on display here. I have dealt with way more serious issues. I will say again, I consider myself lucky that I have handled this misfortune of hairloss how I've been able to. I think its very sad that many feel like they have to hide. I don't understand that because I don't feel that way. I would never hide myself. It doesn't make sense to me. I think its unfortunate for those who feel like no one could ever love them because they don't have hair. I'd like to wave a wand and erase their feeling this way. What a waste. All I can do is move forward with what I have. I think that's all any of us can do. But if you don't try to move forward you'll stay miserable and hate yourself like I see so many hate themselves here. Life is too short.
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