Alopecia World
Where acceptance is all there is!
Should you feel that you have to explain? NO but I do
A couple of years ago I was on holiday in the Dominican. One night,in the restaurant, the man on the table next to ours started asking me about my hair! Wig. He asked me how I had got it curly and if it was permed. I replied that it wasn't naturally curly and smiled hoping that would be that. But his wife kicked him under the table and apologised to me for her inquisitive husband. He told her 'shut up -you don't know it could be a WIG', enough was enough so I said 'well yes actually it is a wig'. He carried on asking questions, it dawned on me that it didn't occur to him that I was wearing it for a reason other than I fancied a new 'do' for the night. So, I then found myself explaining (god knows why) that I didn't have any choice and I had to wear one for medical reasons. In fact he was a hairdresser.
In my younger days I was extremely slim and strangers used to think it was acceptable behaviour to tell me how thin I was! I used to eat like a horse and would have to HATE explaining that it wasn't through choice. I doubt the same people would go up to obese people and point out how fat they are!
What makes people think it is acceptable to make comments to strangers about their appearance?
Comment
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Comment by Melissa on July 24, 2014 at 8:02am
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I don't wear a wig anymore. I wear scarfs now and that I wrap my head with. People assume that I'm going through chemotherapy, that I'm Muslim, that I'm Jewish. I had one lady customer at work who kept asking me questions in front of my coworkers when I was new to my job and then after all of her very personal questions asks if she is making me uncomfortable. I was thinking that it was a little bit too late to ask me how I felt after you asked me to tell about my personal issue. People stereotype and judge me and it's frustrating. I don't know how to respond to their comments so I let them assume without correcting them unless they ask me if I have cancer, then I say no, I don't, I'm healthy. My husband says to use something he calls the pressure principle. When someone asks you a question, answer their question with a question. For example, Stranger: "are you Muslim"?, me: "why do you ask?", Stranger: Because you're wearing a scarf." Me: "why do you need to know?" Etc.
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Comment by Cam on July 24, 2014 at 2:19am
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Oddly enough I feel better when people ask. I would rather them know from me than have rumors floating around.
Once people know they normally have been really cool about it. In fact my family joking around have been much more harsh than any stranger.
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Comment by Stephanie on July 24, 2014 at 12:30am
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I am overweight and have had people I don't know comment about how pretty I am, I should lose weight to Mach my pretty face! So yes people do say ignorant things even to overweight people.
I don't let people bother me though! Never have, I just laugh it off.
When I was younger and thin people would say the same, like your so thin where do you out all that food! Being commented on about being thin didnt bother me though.
People that have to put others down are unhappy or just plain mean people.
Don't let them bother you.
I get a lot of compliments on my wigs, I just say thank you! If they ask where I get it cut, then I sometimes tell them ' oh I bought it this way" and they look at me puzzled lol
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People who have had luck and haven't felt the way we've felt in hiding or covering up our hair are the first to judge... it's only funny or amusing to them when it's not them who have a condition that affects their self-estime.
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Todd YOU SOUND LIKE YOU HAVE HAD A TUFF TIME. I REALLY UNDERSTANDING YOU. YOU KNOW YOU CAN GET YOUR EYE BROWS TATTOO ON AND THEY NOW MAKE EYE LASHES THAT LOOK GOOD ALSO. I HAVE ALOPECIA ALSO AND FOR ME I HAVE HAD A TUFF TIME BECAUSE MY HAIR ON MY HEAD DOESNT GROW BUT THE HAIR ON MY FACE AND ARMS IS GROWN OUT OF CONTROL SO AS A WOMEN I AM ALWAYS TAKING IT OFF THOSE AREAS JUST WISH I COULD BE NORMAL ALSO. I HAVE TOLD PEOPLE FAMILY AND FRIENDS I HAVE HAD FOR YEARS AND THEY JUST DO NOT UNDERSTAND IT. THEY SAY JUST DO THIS OR JUST DO THAT OR YOUR MAKING THIS ALL UP. THEY DONT GET IT. SO BE HAPPY AND FORGET WHAT PEOPLE SAY WE CANT CHANGE THERE NEGATIVITY SO JUST BE YOU AND BE HAPPY LIFE IS SO COMPLICATED WITHOUT THIS TO ADD TO IT. SO I AM HAPPY FOR THE GOOD IN MY LIFE MY HUSBAND IS SO WONDERFUL TO ME ...HE LOVES MY WIGS..LOL ABOUT THE SKIN DISCOLORATION YES I KNOW ANOTHER GUY WHOM HAS THIS ALSO HE NEVER WEARS SHORTS AND ALWAYS LONG SLEVES NO MATTER HOW HOT IT GETS PLUS HE WEARS SUN GLASSES DAY AND NIGHT BECAUSE HE DOESNT WANT ANYONE TO SEE HIS EYES. THIS ALL HAPPEN TO HIM AROUND 18 YRS OLD. I KNOW ITS ALOPECIA ALSO JUST A DIFFERENT TYPE. HE JUST WENT OUT OF THE COUNTRY THIS PAST YEAR TO SEE IF THEY COULD HELP HIM WITH NO LUCK AFTER $20,000.00. I DO ALSO KNOW THERE IS A TREATMENT THAT THEY DO NOW FOR MEN FOR YOUR HAIR (HEAD) AND IT REALLY LOOKS GOOD LIKE SHAVED HAIR VERY NICE. I WILL TRY AND FIND OUT THE NAME OF IT AND POST OF HERE. GOOD LUCK TO ALL OF YOU OUT THERE LIKE ME. KEEP SMILING :)
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Comment by Cindie on July 23, 2014 at 8:52pm
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Such people have no boundaries, and they seem to be getting more and more numerous in our "ask it all -- tell it all culture." I have had people actually TELL me that they KNEW that I was lazy, and that is why I wore wigs. When I told them I had a medical condition, alopecia, they became belligerent. My grandfather used to have a saying about such ignorant people, "all that they don't know, they invent." They need to be put in their place.
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I wore a scarf for 1 year. Then as I was leading a school assembly a teacher walked up to me and said my scarf was slipping. I said thank you and later thought about what my fear was. I feared everyone's reaction to my being bald specifically I feared my own baldness. I have AU, so I am completely bald with no eyebrows ( which I miss the most second to eyelashes). Long story short, I put my big girl panties on and went to work without anything. I didn't die or hear whispers behind my back. Those who were concerned asked if I was sick and moved on from my answer. I am now in my second year of AU and do what I like: some days I wear a hat to protect against the sun, a scarf when my head is cold and one day I wore a purple wig that I rocked ( which I took off when my head became hot walking down the hall). So FREE yourself. There are a lot of people hiding right now. I know because they pull me aside and tell me.
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You should have just pulled it off and gently placed it upon his head. End of conversation and nosey questions!
Be strong and don't give up hope. I have AG and have had some luck growing hair back on my head and even some parts of my body. I've spent a lot of money on stuff that didn't work and not enough on stuff that does. As a guy, I have it easy since it's OK for us to go bald. But, I really miss my eye lashes and brows! They do serve a purpose!
Does anyone else have issues with skin color? It seems like I turned pale since my AG started as a small spot on my head. Just yesterday I had someone that knows me commented that I should "Get those legs out in the sun". The only place on my legs where I have pigmented hair growing is where I had a surgical infection after knee surgery. Woo Hoo on that! How many folks with alopecia have to shave to keep from looking strange!
Anyway, life is hard, but it can always be harder. Be thankful for what you don't have.
Todd
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I have worked at a place for 14 years & I just started wearing hair toppers about a year ago. The rogaine stopped working after 8 years of using it. I am so self conscious about my hair loss and feel like some of my coworkers can tell. So, I try to talk about my hair loss and make light of the subject. I eventually told a few people I trust and am close too. I actually felt better telling someone, just because I felt like I was hiding something that was bothering me very much. I am getting used to being more open about it because there is nothing I can do about it and live with it. This is who I am. I do have people here & there telling me they like my hair & the color. I have not told any strangers that I'm wearing a hairpiece. I just say thank you & try & get away from the subject. but your right, I don't feel like I should have to explain myself & some people are just plain rude.
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hoofpick, I feel the same way. But I keep thinking of the amount of women who are probably wearing wigs, hats, scarves and I simply can't tell. Again, this is why it's important to let people know. It feels isolating because everyone is hiding.
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