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Should you feel that you have to explain? NO but I do
A couple of years ago I was on holiday in the Dominican. One night,in the restaurant, the man on the table next to ours started asking me about my hair! Wig. He asked me how I had got it curly and if it was permed. I replied that it wasn't naturally curly and smiled hoping that would be that. But his wife kicked him under the table and apologised to me for her inquisitive husband. He told her 'shut up -you don't know it could be a WIG', enough was enough so I said 'well yes actually it is a wig'. He carried on asking questions, it dawned on me that it didn't occur to him that I was wearing it for a reason other than I fancied a new 'do' for the night. So, I then found myself explaining (god knows why) that I didn't have any choice and I had to wear one for medical reasons. In fact he was a hairdresser.
In my younger days I was extremely slim and strangers used to think it was acceptable behaviour to tell me how thin I was! I used to eat like a horse and would have to HATE explaining that it wasn't through choice. I doubt the same people would go up to obese people and point out how fat they are!
What makes people think it is acceptable to make comments to strangers about their appearance?
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Comment by Rose on July 24, 2014 at 3:48pm
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@Todd....lol! and yes, I have some type of pigmentation thing going on...something that starts with an M. but my skin gets dark not white.
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Comment by hoofpick on July 24, 2014 at 5:06pm
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I agree PianoJenny, that is what I wanted to know, wisteria also. I have to admit I never looked that much at women’s hair, unless it was a cut I liked, or color, highlights etc.., I never looked at them and thought wow, thats a wig. Now I look at women’s hair in general, not looking for wigs but looking at their hair in general, usually thinking,what are you thinking wearing your hair like that! I was conservative in my hair style, guess I am the same even now with wigs.
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Im S, nvr marr, 58, and I hav had alopecia universalis for over 45 yrs. I wore a wig up until about 10 yrs ago when I finally took it off. Now I wear a basball cap just about anywhere bec I am so used to having something on my head. I spend 99 of my life alone, doing things alone. I get double takes every day on the bus at bars, etc. rearly has anyone ever asked me what my problem is bec they think its rude and that it would make me uncomfortable. Nothing could b farther from the truth. At times, when I see people these days on and off, who r bald and may have no eye brows and may be wearing wigs, etc, I say, "excuse me can I ask you a personal question? They always say "yes." And when I ask them if they have aleopecia and they also say, "why yes", I just say so do I. We break the ice & chat for a while and part ways. Ignorance is the worst symptom of this condition. And sometimes I wish I could rent a plane, and drop 1 million Postit notes out of an airplane over MIlwaukee WI to let every one know what it is that I have, to solve the mystery. I have known many pep in this town for years and know they wonder but it seems like its never the right time to just bring up the subject of why I look like this. But when I do, its like a load off my shoulders. The way I see it when ever anyone asks me what my condition or problem is, they are doing me a favor. THanks and good luck Mark S Hansen
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Oh my, reading all these posts is like reading my diary. I worked at the same place for 23 years, never intending to tell anyone. But one co worker had the nerve, as she was standing right behind me waiting for me to finish using the copy machine, to ask "is that your hair?" I decided to tell her the real deal. Within the next week, I could tell exactly who she told. I seem to have this super RADAR that I know when you know.. Later I confided in my closest co workers, which was great. Wish I had done so long ago. I too admire those I see who are confident to go all natural in public. I think if you lose your hair as an adult, it is easier. Having lost mine as a toddler, and being teased and taunted through school makes me want to just fit in with the crowd. Not stand out in any way. Good or Bad. I say do what works for you. Tell your family and friends. Politely say thank you when strangers compliment you. I got super duper good at changing the subject when HAIR came up. I can redirect a hair conversation in three seconds! OR, ask something about THEM. People love to talk about themselves (well,, unless you have alopecia and the conversation is hair). I used to feel like I was lying by omission Dorothy, but I learned otherwise. I call it the Rahab rule.
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Rahab Rule: the biblical account of Rahab, who hid the spies. How are we to understand Rahab's misleading word's to the king's men who were searching for the spies? Lying? No. While malicious lying is wrong, a person is not obligated to divulge truthful information to people who are not entitled to it.
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just a note to Mark S. Hansen: I used to think it would be easier for a man to have AU than a woman, because it's "cool" for men shave their heads. But the downside is the lack of brows and eyelashes. WE (woman) can do a lot with makeup. Men don't do make up. (well, most men I know anyway). So you walk about totally exposed, knowing people are staring and wondering. I walk around with people smiling and somewhat jealous that I look so good for my age. (I have a beautiful freedom wig... and good make up skills). I so understand you wanting everyone to know. It's odd, as want everyone to know.... and I have this huge secret that I don't want very many to know. Maybe you should wear a T Shirt that says "I have Alopecia Universalis.. Ask me about it!" And smile when people look at you. It makes a huge difference.
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Comment by Amouna on July 25, 2014 at 8:50pm
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I remember one day at work
I was working and Im using awig "natural hair " with nice quality and beautiful color, all my friends like it .
At work there is women asked me it's your hair I said "yes" just I didnt want to give explanation,
She touched my wig from front without excuse ! It made me so angry ...
In same clinic I work it , my boss 2ed day . said ""it's wig "" with serious face . I said "yes"
He said I know every thing about make up and wigs
Because I worked as doctor for ""bitches"
I can notice every things !!!! He said that because in my county almost girl who using wigs are " bitches ""
He said this words without he thinks why I wear it !!!
It's hurt !!
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