Should you feel that you have to explain? NO but I do

A couple of years ago I was on holiday in the Dominican. One night,in the restaurant, the man on the table next to ours started asking me about my hair! Wig. He asked me how I had got it curly and if it was permed. I replied that it wasn't naturally curly and smiled hoping that would be that. But his wife kicked him under the table and apologised to me for her inquisitive husband. He told her 'shut up -you don't know it could be a WIG', enough was enough so I said 'well yes actually it is a wig'. He carried on asking questions, it dawned on me that it didn't occur to him that I was wearing it for a reason other than I fancied a new 'do' for the night. So, I then found myself explaining (god knows why) that I didn't have any choice and I had to wear one for medical reasons. In fact he was a hairdresser.

In my younger days I was extremely slim and strangers used to think it was acceptable behaviour to tell me how thin I was! I used to eat like a horse and would have to HATE explaining that it wasn't through choice. I doubt the same people would go up to obese people and point out how fat they are!

What makes people think it is acceptable to make comments to strangers about their appearance?

 

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Comment by hoofpick on July 23, 2014 at 6:31pm

The other day, I saw a woman walking proudly with no hair on her head into WalMart.    I looked at her in awe,as I was wearing a wig with a hat.   I wanted to walk up and give her a hug, ask her if she had AA or some other....mostly because I wanted so badly to connect with someone like myself.   Other than on here, I do not see anyone like me, it would be so nice to have someone visible or close to connect with, talk with about how it feels.  I held back because I didn’t know whether she would appreciate it or be offended.  

Comment by sallylwess on July 23, 2014 at 6:04pm

Some people have no social skills. Others are just plain rude. 

Comment by Michelle on July 23, 2014 at 6:03pm
Sorry for the typos.
Comment by Michelle on July 23, 2014 at 6:02pm
I usually just say thank you when someone nicely comments on my hair. I'm African American so most think my hair is extensions. I Judge coming out on a person by person and situation. I feel like this. If I had another autoimmune that was not maybe as obvious I wouldn't go Round explaining to others. I feel if so some is asking to genuinely be educated then I tell. Otherwise I don't waste my time. Also if anyone asks is that your hair in a somewhat offensive why I usually respond with sure is it cost me enough. Lol
Comment by Dorothy on July 23, 2014 at 5:50pm

DO NOT think that strangers think they have any boundries.  I am over weight and I used to get comments like you are to pretty to be carrying all that extra.  Because I do not have lashes or brows they make comments.  Even had a stranger come up to me and tell me I had the same nervous condition she has, she pull her lashes and brows out.  I tried to tell her no, but she insisted.  Then I had one very nice old man compliment me on the shade of hair color I had and he went on to tell me it was natural unlike other people.  I had to laugh, not only was it not natural, but it was synthetic.  Yes, I had to tell him it was a wig, not telling just seems like lying by omission.  Sometimes I just want to clap my hand over my mouth.

Comment by LucAlex on July 23, 2014 at 5:46pm

Wow. But you know though, I wish more people WOULD go around and explain that alopecia exists! I just "came out" to a few people at work this week, and it actually felt liberating.

People tell me all sorts of things! They complain about their husbands, mention their parents who are battling cancer, bitch about their weight or some partner's inability to "make them happy," or complain about their health.

For example, just last week my boss started crying because she hurt her shoulder and will need to wait before continuing her cross-fit routine. All I wanted to do was yell at her and say YOU STILL HAVE YOUR HAIR. And so I decided enough is enough, that I too deserve to share something difficult in my life. That it's not fair to me to hide something that is so freaking difficult. How can I possibly accept my situation, if I can't even talk about it? If I'm constantly afraid of what others will think of me? Others, might I add...that don't ever have to live my life or make my decisions. I've been battling Androgenetic Alopecia for 4 years, and it has sucked the life out of me...and damnit, people are going to start hearing about it LOL

So good on you, good on everyone with the guts to speak out.

L

Comment by Mavia Carpe on July 23, 2014 at 5:45pm

 Only uneducated people  and very ignorant will do something like that.

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