Alopecia World
www.alopeciaworld.com
Struggling a lot lately
Hi. I'm new here and I need to vent.
I am a mom of 2 8 yo and almost 1 yo. Can't say I'm happily married at this point because I'm not happy with myself, my appearance and just life overall. I have had AU for almost 2 years now. My hair stared to fall out when I was pregnant really fast and then we moved states since we're a military family. Shaved what little patches I had left November 2014 while pregnant! Devastating to say the least.
Had to put all my feelings aside to insure a healthy pregnancy. But now I find all those feelings are slapping me in the face now. I have complete AU; no hair on any part of my body. I am not able to enjoy my life with my wonderful husband who has stuck with me and kids because of everything that goes into the facade of who I am now. I hate looking at myself in the mirror. I feel my kids are horrified at the sight of me, not to mention embarrassed by me. My poor husband has stuck with me but I feel like I'm ready to let him go and find someone else who can make him happy because at this point I can't even make myself fake happy. I feel like my kids would be better off with someone else to come into their lives and do what I once was able to do with them. I'm just ready to call it quits.
Does my hair define me? Yes it did. People would just randomly touch my hair and say wow your hair doesn't look real, it's so perfect! Now, they are right... I'm tired of drawing on my eyebrows and fake eyelashes look 100%fake on my eyes and I can't really figure that part out!
I've done a lot of different treatments including the xeljanz and that didn't work for me at all. I have adrenal insufficiency, eczema, osteoarthritis, panic and anxiety attacks, depression obviously, possible crohns diagnosis and the list goes on and on. My body is failing me period.
It's so hard for me to say this to my husband but I've been telling him that it's not fair to him that I am what I am now, which is a broken woman, and that I think that we should divorce because I feel as though I'm keeping my family from enjoying life. It is truly not fair to them and I just don't know what else to do. I'm ready to just up and leave and never look back so that they can have some type of normal life.
Wigs make my eczema flair up and I'm tired of living a lie really. My other family calls to pray over me, I pray myself and I have hope but I'll be honest and say that hope that your hair will grow back and then nothing changes everyday is a setup for more pain, anger, lost faith and many other feelings that I don't want to put myself through anymore. People say don't lose hope, well I have.
-
Comment by Theresa on June 11, 2016 at 12:55am
-
I'm sorry you feel that way. I'm 45 yrs old and have lived with alopecia since my junior year in high school. I have had days of depression. But I get throuhg it and life goes on. I'm sure your husband and children love you unconditionally and they need you and would not be better off without you. I wear human hair full lace wigs. They look very natural. I was tired of drawing my eyebrows. I have permanent makeup eyebrows. They are keystrokes, looks very natual. Don't go to just any tattoo shop. Find a permanent makeup specialist. I pray that you find peace!
-
Comment by Katniss on June 11, 2016 at 1:21am
-
I think you are putting your hope in the wrong thing. If you hope for something outside your control and all your joy depends on that external thing happening, then it's no wonder you are miserable! It sounds like you are a woman of some faith. Turn your hope from the external to the eternal. Trusting that you are loved unconditionally by the creator as well as your family. Your kids don't care that you're bald, you care because it's not how you envisioned your life. But you are far harder on yourself than anyone else would be. Your hair may never grow back. And it might. No one but God can know that. But with or without hair, you deserve a full and happy life. Your kids deserve their mother to be present with them. Think what precious life lessons you can teach them about dealing with hardship and accepting others! What would you tell your kids if they were dealing with this exact same situation? Would you tell them to get lost? To run and not look back? Or would you tell them they are precious and beautiful and loved? I guarantee your kids and hubby don't want someone else in their lives, they want and love you! Please please go in and get help for your depression. It doesn't have to be this way. Just because things seem bleak now does not mean they will always be this tough. Hugs, I know all this sucks. It just sucks. And chronic illness really can sap the joy right out of you. I get it. Sending prayers your way.
-
-
Heatherdcr, Theresa and Katniss are right. Have faith in God. Your kids need their mom. Not your hair. I feel the same way about wigs. I can't believe this is my life. But I get out and live with them on. I don't if I'm not wearing them. Look into Follea or Freedom wigs. That's my hope. You sound like a beautiful person. You can do this. There are a lot of us out there struggling and living with Alopecia. It is hard but there are options. God bless you
Comment
© 2024 Created by Alopecia World.
Powered by
You need to be a member of Alopecia World to add comments!
Join Alopecia World