Dear all,

It appears that 24 will be the most memorable birthday of my life. I have been growing out my hair since February and finally decided to "take the plunge" with a pixie cut. Truthfully, had my long term best friend not been in town, I probably never would have gotten myself into the salon in the first place.

Something amazing happened. Even now, I look back astonished at my actions. As my stylist (who has been with me through two wigs) came out into the waiting area, I told her I had exciting news! While flooded with adrenaline, I pulled off my wig in front of everyone. I wanted her to know that this time she was styling my real hair.

It was almost like being in a dream.

I am experiencing the little things as if for the first time. I embrace windy car rides with the windows rolled all the way down.

I've been waiting for this moment for longer than I can remember. Now that it's here, I don't know exactly how I am supposed to be feeling and acting. Admittedly, a short pixie cut is far from my ideal look but this is...mine.

I feel naked out in the street. I woke up to put on my wig this morning, almost forgetting that I didn't need to anymore.

I got my ears pierced today, determined to not look like a man with my new look. My wig is still sitting out, I suppose I will put it away, it just feels so weird.

I'm still doing cortisone injections every six weeks so it's not like alopecia is cut out of my life.

I try not to think that I could wake up tomorrow and find hair covering my brush once again - that there are no guarantees. I am trying to embrace my real hair as an amazing gift. It's strange to think that something that has defined me for so long is becoming a smaller part of my life.

I wish I could just be cured, leave this behind me. The fear of relapse will always be there.