Alopecia World
www.alopeciaworld.com
The Gifts Alopecia Gave Me
Hello Sweet Women!
I have not posted, or messaged, or blogged, or commented in FOREVER! But, I just had to take a minute to connect with all of you – old and new members.
Today, I was looking at what I wrote in my profile when I joined. I had written, “I look forward to the day when I wake up NOT thinking about my hair. When that day comes, however, it will have nothing to do with alopecia and everything to do with me.” Well, I realize that day has finally come, and I was absolutely right: it does have everything to do with me. Today, I can honestly say that my Alopecia no longer negatively impacts my happiness, self-confidence, or self-image. I don’t wake up thinking about my hair. I don’t obsess. I don’t cry. I don’t wonder if I can make it go away. It has all become simply a part of who I am. This is a joyous thing! It is something I was hoping and striving for, something I believe we are all striving for.
By now, most of you who have read my blogs know that I am a big proponent of acceptance, of not fighting the reality of Alopecia but rather facing it and deciding how you will respond. Figuring out how to get on with life. My particular response or solution was to wear wigs. Other people have successfully embraced different strategie.
I would like to encourage you, my sympathetic friends, in your struggle to accept a life with Alopecia. What I’ve learned and I’ve said so many times, is that you truly ARE beautiful, desirable, and attractive to others – with or without hair! Alopecia changes a lot of things, but that truth remains. That is the reality, not the voice in your head that whispers insecurities and doubt.
The most unbelievable thing I have come to realize over the past year, is that I would no longer wish away my Alopecia. I would not have wanted a life without it. During my journey with Alopecia I have been renewed. Next to losing my husband, it is the challenge that has been the most rewarding to overcome. I am different. I am better. I am stronger. I am happier. I am blessed.
I now accept and love myself in a way that I never did before. Beyond that, I really believe this merry acceptance has given me many gifts: 1) I am now in a relationship with a terrific guy. However, as an artist and musician, he is a man that an insecure woman could not tolerate. But the self-confidence I have acquired through dealing affectively with Alopecia allows me to be happy, fulfilled, and secure in an exciting, solid, creative relationship. 2) Through my guy’s constant prodding (pleading, cajoling), I have started singing regularly with his various jazz bands. I won’t lie: I’m very good. And I’m having a ball! Before Alopecia, I could not have put myself in such a vulnerable position. 3) I’ve jumped into my bookbinding and book arts with both feet! The whole time I was looking in the mirror seeing only the bald spots on my head, the artist was invisible. Now, I can see her.
My life is not a panacea: I haven’t sent my sisters their Christmas presents yet, I get frustrated with my job, I worry about money, my car was in the shop TWICE last month, my dad had colon surgery, my kids' tuition is killing me…but overall I’m very happy. The strangest thing is that having Alopecia ended up contributing to that happiness.
Maybe your journey, if you walk it bravely, will bring you to the same place. I really pray it does. If you need encouragement, I hope you will write me.
Be wonderful, girlfriends!
Marie
P.S. New hair. See pics. (I’ve GOT to stop buying new wigs! The shoes and purses are REALLY getting jealous!)
I have not posted, or messaged, or blogged, or commented in FOREVER! But, I just had to take a minute to connect with all of you – old and new members.
Today, I was looking at what I wrote in my profile when I joined. I had written, “I look forward to the day when I wake up NOT thinking about my hair. When that day comes, however, it will have nothing to do with alopecia and everything to do with me.” Well, I realize that day has finally come, and I was absolutely right: it does have everything to do with me. Today, I can honestly say that my Alopecia no longer negatively impacts my happiness, self-confidence, or self-image. I don’t wake up thinking about my hair. I don’t obsess. I don’t cry. I don’t wonder if I can make it go away. It has all become simply a part of who I am. This is a joyous thing! It is something I was hoping and striving for, something I believe we are all striving for.
By now, most of you who have read my blogs know that I am a big proponent of acceptance, of not fighting the reality of Alopecia but rather facing it and deciding how you will respond. Figuring out how to get on with life. My particular response or solution was to wear wigs. Other people have successfully embraced different strategie.
I would like to encourage you, my sympathetic friends, in your struggle to accept a life with Alopecia. What I’ve learned and I’ve said so many times, is that you truly ARE beautiful, desirable, and attractive to others – with or without hair! Alopecia changes a lot of things, but that truth remains. That is the reality, not the voice in your head that whispers insecurities and doubt.
The most unbelievable thing I have come to realize over the past year, is that I would no longer wish away my Alopecia. I would not have wanted a life without it. During my journey with Alopecia I have been renewed. Next to losing my husband, it is the challenge that has been the most rewarding to overcome. I am different. I am better. I am stronger. I am happier. I am blessed.
I now accept and love myself in a way that I never did before. Beyond that, I really believe this merry acceptance has given me many gifts: 1) I am now in a relationship with a terrific guy. However, as an artist and musician, he is a man that an insecure woman could not tolerate. But the self-confidence I have acquired through dealing affectively with Alopecia allows me to be happy, fulfilled, and secure in an exciting, solid, creative relationship. 2) Through my guy’s constant prodding (pleading, cajoling), I have started singing regularly with his various jazz bands. I won’t lie: I’m very good. And I’m having a ball! Before Alopecia, I could not have put myself in such a vulnerable position. 3) I’ve jumped into my bookbinding and book arts with both feet! The whole time I was looking in the mirror seeing only the bald spots on my head, the artist was invisible. Now, I can see her.
My life is not a panacea: I haven’t sent my sisters their Christmas presents yet, I get frustrated with my job, I worry about money, my car was in the shop TWICE last month, my dad had colon surgery, my kids' tuition is killing me…but overall I’m very happy. The strangest thing is that having Alopecia ended up contributing to that happiness.
Maybe your journey, if you walk it bravely, will bring you to the same place. I really pray it does. If you need encouragement, I hope you will write me.
Be wonderful, girlfriends!
Marie
P.S. New hair. See pics. (I’ve GOT to stop buying new wigs! The shoes and purses are REALLY getting jealous!)
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Comment by Linda on January 7, 2010 at 7:03am
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Wow...that is great... How long did it take you to get to this wonderful place you are at? I wish I could say I am there. It has been a year for me since I have had AU. I still miss my hair and eyebrows/eyelashes every minute of everyday.
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Comment by Marie on January 7, 2010 at 11:22am
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I remember that about four years ago I was virtually insane with this whole thing. I was going on dates with new people after my husband died, and sometimes I could barely get out of the house. I'd spend 90 minutes or more trying to cover up the spots. I would wash my hair, fluff it up, gel it, spray it -- and it still wasn't good enough. I'd cry and scream! I was 47, a widow, and scared. But, I forged on getting a partial and then a full wig when I lost too much hair for my topper. Getting into full wigs has been a blast, mostly because I think of them as fashion accessories, not disguises for Alopecia. I tell everyone that I wear wigs and have Alopecia when they ask me who cuts my hair! I still have my eyebrows and eyelashes and the hair on my head is very patchy, but not completely gone. I buzz it anyway. Keep the faith! You'll get there! - Marie
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Marie, I also entered the dating field at 47... I am so afraid to date now that I have alopecia. I can't believe that a man would be with someone with no hair. It encourages me that you found someone. I am now 51 and bald, not sure there is a market for women in that group.... Linda
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Comment by Jennifer Thalhamer on January 7, 2010 at 4:27pm
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I wish I had your confidence and strength!!!
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You do! Feel it. It's inside.
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Comment by Mukti on January 7, 2010 at 8:00pm
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Wow...very well said and I can agree with you on not wishing away the alopecia...I too have a lot to be thank-ful for due to this baldness. I too no longer wake up everyday wondering when the hair will come back. It is growing in patches right now but where I am in my life at the moment would not have been possible had I still had all my hair and was never a blad lady!!! Life is good and I am happier too!! My kids are great and I have a husband who never stopped supporting me and he can see the difference in me. It truly is a process so hang in there Jennifer and Linda...it will come some day! In the meantime enjoy and live life to the fullest!!!
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For Linda -- I know it's hard to believe, but men looking for love don't care. My guy met me before I even had a topper. When it started to get really bad, he never said a word. Sometimes he would stand behind me in a line and gently arrange my scant hair to cover a bald spot, never mentioning it. When I finally decided to get a hair piece and then a wig, I asked him how he felt about being with a woman who wore wigs. He said that he didn't care if I shaved my head or wore wigs. He said I should do whatever made me feel good. I said, "What if you don't like the way I look or feel uncomfortable being with me?" He said, "Are you thinking that I'd break up with you over your HAIR? That's crazy." He is a popular musician in my town and I feel like there are a lot of other women he could be with if he wanted to, but he's with me: a 51 year old woman with Alopecia.
Believe me, no one in the history of the world ever fell in love with someone based on the way they looked. A superficial guy could reject a woman he meets for many reasons -- the way she dressed, her friends, her work schedule, her nose, her wrinkles. Getting rejected for Alopecia is just another stupid reason. But you don’t find woman going around saying that they don’t want to meet men because they are afraid they will be rejected because of their wrinkles, the way they dress, their friends, or their nose. If a guy passed over a woman for those reasons, she'd say, "Good riddance". If it happens to you, say the same thing.
You should know that the guys you want (and there are a lot of them) connect with YOU, not your lack of hair. They seek intimacy with your soul, not with the skin on your head. A man goes out with a woman because of the way she makes him feel when he is with her. A man appreciates a woman because she makes him a better person. A man falls in love with a woman because she has the inner strength to love him totally. That is the way it's been since the beginning of time. So go out there and meet people. Court a man with your spirit and your soul, with your power and your grace, with your smile and your laugh, with your mind and your dignity. If a guy rejects you because you have Alopecia, he wouldn't have loved you even if you looked like a Victoria's Secret model.
Many women would like a “jerk detector” to go off when they go out with Mr. Wrong. Well, in a way, we gals with Alopecia have that! If you want to, you can think of Alopecia as a filter against the guys you DON’T want to waste your time with. Mr. Right would sure appreciate a little less competition!
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Ditto, Mukti! :-)
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Comment by Galena on January 7, 2010 at 8:50pm
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Great words of inspiration and truth! Marie, your words are the ones that the damaged ones come to Alopecia World to read and ruminate. When a man or woman is devastated by facing a new (and they believe unattractive) self image, finding Alopecia World and clicking your blog is just the encouragement they need.
Warmest regards for a blessed 2010!
~Galena
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Thank you. That is a really lovely thing to say. :-)
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