Alopecia World
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The Gifts Alopecia Gave Me
Hello Sweet Women!
I have not posted, or messaged, or blogged, or commented in FOREVER! But, I just had to take a minute to connect with all of you – old and new members.
Today, I was looking at what I wrote in my profile when I joined. I had written, “I look forward to the day when I wake up NOT thinking about my hair. When that day comes, however, it will have nothing to do with alopecia and everything to do with me.” Well, I realize that day has finally come, and I was absolutely right: it does have everything to do with me. Today, I can honestly say that my Alopecia no longer negatively impacts my happiness, self-confidence, or self-image. I don’t wake up thinking about my hair. I don’t obsess. I don’t cry. I don’t wonder if I can make it go away. It has all become simply a part of who I am. This is a joyous thing! It is something I was hoping and striving for, something I believe we are all striving for.
By now, most of you who have read my blogs know that I am a big proponent of acceptance, of not fighting the reality of Alopecia but rather facing it and deciding how you will respond. Figuring out how to get on with life. My particular response or solution was to wear wigs. Other people have successfully embraced different strategie.
I would like to encourage you, my sympathetic friends, in your struggle to accept a life with Alopecia. What I’ve learned and I’ve said so many times, is that you truly ARE beautiful, desirable, and attractive to others – with or without hair! Alopecia changes a lot of things, but that truth remains. That is the reality, not the voice in your head that whispers insecurities and doubt.
The most unbelievable thing I have come to realize over the past year, is that I would no longer wish away my Alopecia. I would not have wanted a life without it. During my journey with Alopecia I have been renewed. Next to losing my husband, it is the challenge that has been the most rewarding to overcome. I am different. I am better. I am stronger. I am happier. I am blessed.
I now accept and love myself in a way that I never did before. Beyond that, I really believe this merry acceptance has given me many gifts: 1) I am now in a relationship with a terrific guy. However, as an artist and musician, he is a man that an insecure woman could not tolerate. But the self-confidence I have acquired through dealing affectively with Alopecia allows me to be happy, fulfilled, and secure in an exciting, solid, creative relationship. 2) Through my guy’s constant prodding (pleading, cajoling), I have started singing regularly with his various jazz bands. I won’t lie: I’m very good. And I’m having a ball! Before Alopecia, I could not have put myself in such a vulnerable position. 3) I’ve jumped into my bookbinding and book arts with both feet! The whole time I was looking in the mirror seeing only the bald spots on my head, the artist was invisible. Now, I can see her.
My life is not a panacea: I haven’t sent my sisters their Christmas presents yet, I get frustrated with my job, I worry about money, my car was in the shop TWICE last month, my dad had colon surgery, my kids' tuition is killing me…but overall I’m very happy. The strangest thing is that having Alopecia ended up contributing to that happiness.
Maybe your journey, if you walk it bravely, will bring you to the same place. I really pray it does. If you need encouragement, I hope you will write me.
Be wonderful, girlfriends!
Marie
P.S. New hair. See pics. (I’ve GOT to stop buying new wigs! The shoes and purses are REALLY getting jealous!)
I have not posted, or messaged, or blogged, or commented in FOREVER! But, I just had to take a minute to connect with all of you – old and new members.
Today, I was looking at what I wrote in my profile when I joined. I had written, “I look forward to the day when I wake up NOT thinking about my hair. When that day comes, however, it will have nothing to do with alopecia and everything to do with me.” Well, I realize that day has finally come, and I was absolutely right: it does have everything to do with me. Today, I can honestly say that my Alopecia no longer negatively impacts my happiness, self-confidence, or self-image. I don’t wake up thinking about my hair. I don’t obsess. I don’t cry. I don’t wonder if I can make it go away. It has all become simply a part of who I am. This is a joyous thing! It is something I was hoping and striving for, something I believe we are all striving for.
By now, most of you who have read my blogs know that I am a big proponent of acceptance, of not fighting the reality of Alopecia but rather facing it and deciding how you will respond. Figuring out how to get on with life. My particular response or solution was to wear wigs. Other people have successfully embraced different strategie.
I would like to encourage you, my sympathetic friends, in your struggle to accept a life with Alopecia. What I’ve learned and I’ve said so many times, is that you truly ARE beautiful, desirable, and attractive to others – with or without hair! Alopecia changes a lot of things, but that truth remains. That is the reality, not the voice in your head that whispers insecurities and doubt.
The most unbelievable thing I have come to realize over the past year, is that I would no longer wish away my Alopecia. I would not have wanted a life without it. During my journey with Alopecia I have been renewed. Next to losing my husband, it is the challenge that has been the most rewarding to overcome. I am different. I am better. I am stronger. I am happier. I am blessed.
I now accept and love myself in a way that I never did before. Beyond that, I really believe this merry acceptance has given me many gifts: 1) I am now in a relationship with a terrific guy. However, as an artist and musician, he is a man that an insecure woman could not tolerate. But the self-confidence I have acquired through dealing affectively with Alopecia allows me to be happy, fulfilled, and secure in an exciting, solid, creative relationship. 2) Through my guy’s constant prodding (pleading, cajoling), I have started singing regularly with his various jazz bands. I won’t lie: I’m very good. And I’m having a ball! Before Alopecia, I could not have put myself in such a vulnerable position. 3) I’ve jumped into my bookbinding and book arts with both feet! The whole time I was looking in the mirror seeing only the bald spots on my head, the artist was invisible. Now, I can see her.
My life is not a panacea: I haven’t sent my sisters their Christmas presents yet, I get frustrated with my job, I worry about money, my car was in the shop TWICE last month, my dad had colon surgery, my kids' tuition is killing me…but overall I’m very happy. The strangest thing is that having Alopecia ended up contributing to that happiness.
Maybe your journey, if you walk it bravely, will bring you to the same place. I really pray it does. If you need encouragement, I hope you will write me.
Be wonderful, girlfriends!
Marie
P.S. New hair. See pics. (I’ve GOT to stop buying new wigs! The shoes and purses are REALLY getting jealous!)
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Comment by Linda on January 8, 2010 at 5:52am
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Marie, You really have a way with words. I printed out a copy your reply and I plan to read often, to remind me, I am worthy of still being loved, hair or no hair,thank you so much for sharing your insight.Linda
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Comment by Marie on January 8, 2010 at 11:38am
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You are welcome. I'm glad that what I write helps. But, to be honest, I am not always a rock of confidence. While I don't have insecurities about my Alopecia, I do sometimes look in the mirror and feel a little unsure about getting old and wrinkled: crows feet, marionette lines, chicken neck -- no matter how good one might look, it all comes down the road eventually! Some of my girlfriends have gotten botox and Juvederm and some other minor "work". They look good, and a vain girl like me is tempted, but I feel like it would be completely against my creed of self-acceptance. I'm definitely working now to embrace aging, just as I did hair loss, and find myself within the experience. Interestingly, I'm able to do that much easier because I've had to come to terms with Alopecia. So I guess that's another gift of hair loss! :-)
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Thank you, Yoshimi. I also like what you have written in your blogs.
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Comment by Dominique Cleopatra on January 18, 2010 at 2:17am
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Hi Marie,
Your post brought a happy, sentimenatal tear to my eye. You are my new inspiration! I checked out your pics and you are totally smoking hot! Who needs hair with a bod like that, and your wig looks totally fierce and natch. I loved the pic with the red dress btw, I want that dress! Your BF is totally cute too, and I really like the coffee bean book cover you made, I would love to use one as a journal. Two of my fave things are writing and coffee. I'm suppposed to be finishing up some work at this late hour but I couldn't resist dropping you a line to tell you how grateful I am for you sharing your story with us, you are indeed truly blessed. I'd better stop using my alopecia as an excuse not to do anything I want to do, and I've got to cease putting my life on hold until it maybe, possibly all grows back. The time is now!
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You go girl!!! You are right, the time IS now! And yes, the dress it to die for! Every girl -- no matter her size, shape, or age -- needs a killer red dress and a pair of sexy black pumps ready to go at a moment's notice! After all, you never know what life will bring you...
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Comment by Clara S. on February 24, 2010 at 2:21am
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Ok, i know you blogged this a while ago but I have to say that it's really inspiring to read. I am still struggling with my insecurities over my loss of hair and hope one day I will wake up not thinking about it at all. Your bf sounds wonderful and so supportive. It's definitely possible to find a man who will love you for who you are!
And also I think it's so cool that you're singing in a jazz band! Maybe one day I can watch you live :)
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Thank you!
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Comment by Scaredandhopeful on May 24, 2010 at 9:07am
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All i want to do is sit by you and lay my head against your shoulder and wish i could be as brave as you. Your words give me hope
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