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The ups and downs of alopecia
When I first began to have alopecia at the age of 23, I constantly asked myself, how will I ever learn to live with this thing. In the first 3-5 years I became extremely focused on my spots, and I was almost certain that people would either laugh or talk about my spots behind my back. In a few years I had developed a 'constant acute awareness' of other people's behaviour, and it was almost like being a 'human-radar'. Everything out of 'the ordinary' I would pick up and process.
"Did she really stare at me, and was she smiling to herself, and did they laugh when I passed them by on the street" and all other stressful thoughts like that. Whenever I was out in the streets I always had to check if people was staring at me. It was really tough because I was a very reserved and insecure person back then, and I didn't have many friends, only a few that was close and that was it. I had no real support from anywhere, and I thought that I was the only one in the world with this strange disease.
It probably sounds like I almost developed a paranoia about my spots, and perhaps I did. I remember that I felt a particular insecurity in specific situations, and it always happened when I was physically very close to other people, like when I was shopping at the mall and places like that, or simply passing them on the street and so on.
I must admit that I still have that acute awareness, and especially on those 'bad days' it's worse than on the 'good days'. It sounds funny but I am aware of my acute awareness, and I try to accept it as being a part of me just like my alopecia. It has gotten better over the years, and even though I have become much better at not letting other peoples stares distract me, then on those 'bad days' it proves to be a challenge.
The most important thing I try to tell myself is, 'What the heck, it's only hair'. Think about all the people with huge birthmarks on their faces, freckles, big ears, big teeth, and so on, even the picture perfect ones have insecurities. We all have our own unique personalities, looks, intellects, skills and personal qualities. What's not to like :)
I've been thinking a lot about my own coping and acceptance of my alopecia over the years, and it has been proven that stressful thoughts and depression will worsen alopecia. So having all the bad thoughts and negativity, will only send messages to the already overactive thyroid gland, and soon a bunch of 'little soldiers' will be produced to go into combat with your hair follicles.
Another thing ladies and gentlemen, humor is a way to deal with many things in life, including coping and living with alopecia. Here's a very useful quote by the American theologian, Reinhold Niebuhr:
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
Take care you,
Tommy
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Comment by wisteria on July 29, 2014 at 1:09pm
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Hi Tommy, I enjoyed reading your blog. It was very interesting getting a male perspective on this.
I know it's wrong but I just assume that it isn't as bad for a man, but of course deep down I know that's not true.
First we have to learn to love ourselves, then we can build on that.
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Comment by Tommy on July 30, 2014 at 6:32am
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Thanks for reading wisteria, I'm glad you enjoyed my blog and that it inspired you :)
It was interesting to hear your point of view regarding your assumption that men are better to deal/cope/live with alopecia than women.
If we talk about the male way to deal with emotional challenges, then I think that women are a whole lot better at handling and embracing their emotions than men are. Under normal circumstances (not thinking alopecia here) I think that most men are very good at pushing their emotional challenges aside, either by ignoring them for a long time, or not dealing with them at all. I think that maturity, intellect and self insight are important factors in how men are dealing/owning their emotions.
I believe that a lot of men aren't as skilled in 'owning' emotions as well as women are. 'we' haven't learned to deal with emotions the way most women have. For many women it comes natural to discuss very personal things with female friends and to get support from them. This is not how most men are dealing with things, we're usually very good at taking the 'superficial stance/look' on things, and we're often afraid to express our feelings, especially to our male friends.
Think about it, it could be considered a weakness in our masculinity, it could be seen as unattractive by many women who are looking for that 'tough guy' masculine personality. Also guys aren't as good at 'reading' women, as women are at 'reading men' right. Why? We haven't learned it, it's as simple as that - (and yes, a lot of men are probably lost in space on this one)...
'Stop crying son, "Real Men" don't cry that's only for girlies and wussies, now let's go play some ball son'.
And remember this son, ain't no women findin' that sobbin' sexy, they wan't a 'Real Man' like your dad here,
and not a little girlie wuss. You gotta be strong and masculine son, just like your dad.
(Ha, that was funny, I couldn't help myself). Now if this is the kind of dad rolemodel you have when you're a boy, then how will it ever change..Take care,
Tommy
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Comment by Rose on August 15, 2014 at 10:00pm
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Tommy, I love your brain! You write very well. I think hyper vigilance is normal with us. you. me. others with alopecia. I've always known I have a SUPER RADAR ... for every person/thing around me. including perceived thoughts/looks by others. I use this power for good! smile.... I find those who are timid or feeling out of place, and make them my target. to be friendly to, to smile at.. It works great! Thanks for sharing your story. And feel free to use YOUR power (human radar) for good. :)
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Thanks Rose for your comment and your compliments :) I couldn't help smiling.
I don't think anyone ever told me that they actually 'loved my brains' *smiles*.
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