Comment by Joshua on February 26, 2011 at 11:51pm

Hi Pat,

Thank you for sharing. It is always good to be able to vent your frustration on alopecia. Everyone of us are entitled to be angry with alopecia, because alopecia doesnt come "by choice" but rather "by default". So, its okay to be angry at alopecia but not so okay to be angry with ourselves because we didnt choose to have alopecia.

Instead of using the word "sick" and changed it to "tired" and you'll realize that you just need some time to relax, a holiday or doing something that you like.

I totally agree with you on the things you mentioned in your blog. Sometimes I'm too tired to explain about alopecia, too tired of being stared at...so I would vent my frustration occasionally, especially if you see me talking to myself in the car, because it can be when I am "protesting'' at the passenger or drivers when we stopped at the traffic light, that they should pay me if they want to continue pointing fingers or staring at me... because even the animals in the zoo are paid/fed for being "stared" or "pointed at!!!!!!"

I was once told that the "Best things in life are free"...for example, after a weary, stressful day at work and then being stared or pointed at while on the way back to home... and you reach the door step and opened the door... you can see your dog rushing towards all excited like it has not seen you for ages, and you smell great aroma of meal being prepared by your beautiful girlfriend in the kitchen...AND it is not a bad idea in the future when you come home, your kids (with or without hair) rushing towards you and fighting the way through with your dog just to give you hugs, kisses and greet you...

Knowing that being how sick alopecia can be in the society and how others perceive you ... alopecia is not sick enough to invade into a home full of love and comfort, home a place where everyone love each other and all love God.

Remember, there are always people be it family or friends, lovely pets who love us just the way we are, regardless of ho

Comment by Joshua on February 26, 2011 at 11:54pm

....regardless of how much hair we have or not have :)

Comment by Mary on February 27, 2011 at 1:27am

Pat, sometimes I think it's so unfair that bald guys don't get a second look in public, but children scream after me "Mommy, that lady doesn't have any hair!" I get angry sitting in a restaurant where there are six or seven bald men, and NO one comes to their table to tell them they had cancer, etc...but they do come up to me. I see sexy leading men in TV shows who are bald, but NEVER a bald woman on a show who isn't a suffering cancer patient. I hate it and wish I could just once run into another bald woman in public who I didn't already know!

BUT, I also tell my friends that it must be really difficult for guys with AA who lose their eyebrows and lashes because they can't just wear makeup or get permanent makeup the way we gals can. I could "pass" for someone without AA if I were able to stand to wear a wig (I can't), and with my eye makeup. A bald man who has lost his "eye hair" can't.

I also know of guys with AA who wear glasses that have dark frames and this helps mask the fact that they don't have eyebrows...if they don't need vision correction, they wear plain glass.

I've had to learn to just not give a flying .... what people think. I hate not having hair, but I refuse to let this take my life away.

I'm rambling. Hope these responses help.

Mary

I think it was Jeffrey from SF who posted some nice pics of his masculine-looking eyebrow tattoos. Maybe you could look at that possibility? If you had some natural-looking, eyebrow tattoos, you could go with the bald look the same way so many men do. You're not alone out there - there are bald men all over the place and in the movies and on TV. That's something, isn't it?

Comment by Mary on February 27, 2011 at 1:37am

Pat, I just looked at your photos after posting what I just wrote. I hope you don't mind if I'm brutally honest with you...I assume you don't mind since that's what you were when you wrote your blog.

Damn it, Pat....you look absolutely GREAT, and "NORMAL" except for the fact you lack eyebrows. You don't look so different from so many men out there all the time. Get some male-appropriate eyebrow tattoos! They don't have to be dark...there are men with very pale eyebrows.

I would give anything to be able to blend in as well as you already can, even without eyebrows. Bald men are a dime a dozen...they're EVERYWHERE! Bald women? ....read my blog about my recent experiences in Indonesia where a crowd gathered and took photos of me and laughed and pointed.

I'm not saying you don't have difficulties, but you CAN blend in way more than bald women can. You look like a buff, handsome bald guy, just like any number of Hollywood stars. How many bald actresses can you name (other than the woman in the first Star Trek movie who was, after all, an alien?)

GET EYEBROW TATTOOS, and get on with your life as a bald man, something that thanks to so many bald men going out in public you can do. I fanticize that some day women will have the same possibility.

Get very light colored tattoos at first. They are permanent and can always be darkened or increased.

Maybe try temporary tattoos first to see if you like the look.

Hang in there. You have way too much going for you to let this disease be in control.

Mary

Comment by Lorna on February 27, 2011 at 11:35am

I love your honesty! I guess it's good to say how you truly feel and allow yourself to feel that and not judge yourself for it. I have gone through different feelings and levels of acceptance and hating my alopecia at different times. I think it is extra hard when not accepting the alopecia (that's where I have realised I am most recently) to also have that exposed to others. Most people hide the things they don't accept in themself whether it be visual or a personality trait. Alopecia makes that near impossible. I have no words of encouragement except that your feelings may change and I feel for you in the way the alopecia affects you...

Comment by Phyllis Tankel on February 27, 2011 at 12:53pm

Pat, your post really resonated with me because my son, who is 19, struggles with the same issues you do. He is tortured and I'm amazed that he can find the energy to put one foot in front of the other. He is away at college and is doing well with school but he feels deeply and utterly alone even when he is at parties or with friends. He has not one hair on his body and the staring and comments are so horrible. I try so hard to bolster him but the truth is I will never understand what he is living with. I would gladly switch places with him so that he can feel normal. And for all the people who urge acceptance and say that it's other people's problem, I say great that you can feel that way but not everyone can. I agree that bald men are sexy but my son first got alopecia when he was 14 and no way is a little 14 year old "sexy" in any way. And that image is burned into his brain so the self esteem is zero. At 19 I was going out all the time, flirting with boys--and maybe a little more than flirting sometime--but I see my kid with no girls in his social life and I know it will be an extraordinary young woman who will make him feel accepted and loved. I don't know if that person even exists. I hope that when he is older it might be easier but I think he feels doomed. His life has not been normal for 5 years now it's a new kind of normal. But what kind of job is he going to get? Why would anyone choose this strange looking person over so many other qualified people who don't get stared at? The only saving grace is that his doctor also has alopecia so he has someone to talk to who does understand first hand. Still, it's liberating to read your comments and I appreciate your sharing your truths since they are the truths of so many people.

Comment by Angie on February 27, 2011 at 2:00pm

@Phyllis- You made a true and strong statement , when a young boy lose his year he is not sexy in no way. I understand why your son is feeling so bad. I read somewhere that it's easier for women, because we can wear wigs and feel okay about it. It's hard for men to wear a wig and move on. Well I pray your son will be able to one day find the confidence he needs. God Bless

Comment by dannii on February 27, 2011 at 4:05pm

Hi Pat, I agree totally with Dominique, you are hot!! You have a beautiful girlfriend, cute dog and awesome car!! I too love my Merc sl's. Swapped to a porsche 911, but will now be moving on to SL again. Anyway, changing the subject, you have every right to get down from time to time and have a runt, but truth is, stuff your work collegues, you are gorgous, get out there and live life! You have a beautiful women and if you have children you will be surrounded by unconditional love. To me you look great, so strutt your stuff, get out there and live. Stuff other people who don't matter, what matter's is you and your girl. Hope you find strength. :-))

Comment by dannii on February 27, 2011 at 4:06pm

p.s. Pat, bald men are sexy!!

Comment by Phyllis Tankel on February 27, 2011 at 4:26pm

Thank you Angie. I have felt so supported by this group. Even though this is not happening to me, I am tortured by my son's torment. Thank you for your prayers and for taking the time to respond to me.

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