Alopecia World
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This is negative. If you're looking for something more positive, don't read!
Im finding this harder the longer it goes on
Im sick of the looks i get,
Im sick of doctors telling that my problem is in my head and that other people dont notice,
im sick of having to not draw attention to myself
" " " not having confidence
having to explain that its not cancer
sweating,ie my hair on my head used to absorb it, now if im doing any sort of work or if someone asks an awkward question which makes me fluster and get hot under the collar the sweat beads and runs straight down my forehead which is very embarrasing and makes me look like i sweat profously which i dont its just that there is no hair to stop it beading and running
im sick of not being able to go to the gym
im sick of always being the oddest one out
people with no problems always goin on about them
getting special treatment,its only out of pity
im sick of my reflection
im sick of kids asking me whats wrong
im sick of the fact i cant really create an expression with my face and eyebrows anymore
im sick of the fact that i hate how i look in photos,such a strained smile but you can always see the sadness in the eyes
im sick of just being sad,if i never had hair i probably wouldn't mind as much but the fact i had it for 25 years and am the type of person who when i had it would have been the fucker making the remarks.(my own worst enemy)
im sick of smart arsed psychologists who went through school with excellent grades, collage with the tag of being a psychologist ,probably never had to worry about women or money or ever had any real confidence issues,How is a guy like that supposed to give me advice on my life which is constructed upon a completly different set of experiences which he probably has no experience of?
Im sick of writing this
im sick of the guilt of having to drag my girlfriend through this
Im sick of not having a plan
im sick of hating myself and this weight,its actually causing me to hunch over
im sick of knowing there is no god and nothing after death cause it makes the argument to stay alive less convincing
sick of it all -sick of it all the song just sprung to mind
im sick of wondering do i need help because of my lack of confidence in myself,ive done this drug and not too much drink free and have only been to one psychologist whom i really didn't like- im actually proud of this
im sick of worrying my poor mother,im her only son and i can see the heartbreak in her face
im sick of my poor old man through this he is old school and really doesn;t know what to say but tries anyway
Im sick of scaring off my sis's potentiat boyfriends
Just fuckin sick of it ,everything i want i cant have because it draws attention to me which just doesn't work for a fella with no eyebrows
im sick of people on this site being so fukin positive,here i am again second guessing myself. am i wrong for not being able to see any positives to this or is everyone who gives out about this blog just fooling themselves and looking for a light .
I understand everyone will deal with their alopica differently, i obviously havent dealt with mine. I will also agree that i need someone to help me But i want someone who has had experience with alopecia on a personal level to treat me which i haven't came across yet. This blog is of the darker nature and i offer no apologies to anyone whom it depressed or offended ,im just saying whats on my mind and if you can relate to that great- or not so,i dont know anymore
Im sick of the looks i get,
Im sick of doctors telling that my problem is in my head and that other people dont notice,
im sick of having to not draw attention to myself
" " " not having confidence
having to explain that its not cancer
sweating,ie my hair on my head used to absorb it, now if im doing any sort of work or if someone asks an awkward question which makes me fluster and get hot under the collar the sweat beads and runs straight down my forehead which is very embarrasing and makes me look like i sweat profously which i dont its just that there is no hair to stop it beading and running
im sick of not being able to go to the gym
im sick of always being the oddest one out
people with no problems always goin on about them
getting special treatment,its only out of pity
im sick of my reflection
im sick of kids asking me whats wrong
im sick of the fact i cant really create an expression with my face and eyebrows anymore
im sick of the fact that i hate how i look in photos,such a strained smile but you can always see the sadness in the eyes
im sick of just being sad,if i never had hair i probably wouldn't mind as much but the fact i had it for 25 years and am the type of person who when i had it would have been the fucker making the remarks.(my own worst enemy)
im sick of smart arsed psychologists who went through school with excellent grades, collage with the tag of being a psychologist ,probably never had to worry about women or money or ever had any real confidence issues,How is a guy like that supposed to give me advice on my life which is constructed upon a completly different set of experiences which he probably has no experience of?
Im sick of writing this
im sick of the guilt of having to drag my girlfriend through this
Im sick of not having a plan
im sick of hating myself and this weight,its actually causing me to hunch over
im sick of knowing there is no god and nothing after death cause it makes the argument to stay alive less convincing
sick of it all -sick of it all the song just sprung to mind
im sick of wondering do i need help because of my lack of confidence in myself,ive done this drug and not too much drink free and have only been to one psychologist whom i really didn't like- im actually proud of this
im sick of worrying my poor mother,im her only son and i can see the heartbreak in her face
im sick of my poor old man through this he is old school and really doesn;t know what to say but tries anyway
Im sick of scaring off my sis's potentiat boyfriends
Just fuckin sick of it ,everything i want i cant have because it draws attention to me which just doesn't work for a fella with no eyebrows
im sick of people on this site being so fukin positive,here i am again second guessing myself. am i wrong for not being able to see any positives to this or is everyone who gives out about this blog just fooling themselves and looking for a light .
I understand everyone will deal with their alopica differently, i obviously havent dealt with mine. I will also agree that i need someone to help me But i want someone who has had experience with alopecia on a personal level to treat me which i haven't came across yet. This blog is of the darker nature and i offer no apologies to anyone whom it depressed or offended ,im just saying whats on my mind and if you can relate to that great- or not so,i dont know anymore
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Comment by Mary on February 27, 2011 at 4:31pm
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Phyllis, are you going to the NAAF conference in LA? They have loads of programs and events for kids and families of kids with AA.
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Comment by Amanda Carter on February 27, 2011 at 4:39pm
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I've got to admit I get really sick this way too! I find it quite refreshing to read your post, from the heart and expressing your proper feelings. I often say to my husband, " I'm sick of wearing a wig, I'm sick of pretending nothing is wrong, I'm sick, sick sick!"
I have had AU for approx 4 years (lost count!) and I am positive now about 90% of the time, but the other 10% I feel exactly like you describe. I do snap out of it eventually, but sometimes a little wallowing doesn't do any harm, as long as you don't feel this way all of the time.
Thanks for your honesty Pat
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Comment by pat j madden on February 27, 2011 at 9:48pm
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Wow what a response, i thought id be castrated for bringing people down,
First id like to thank all the people who told me to be positive even after me saying i was sick of people telling me to be positive
on a personal level
Dominique -thanks for the compliment but i fear that the only people that might find me attractive are those that have been afflicted by this,in clubs girls pull my hat off until they get a good look and then apologise for pulling my cap off.some girls spot me from a distance but once they get close and realise there is something a tad off-they're off (not that id be interested anyway,but it is nice to be noticed)
Ya i tried fooling myself into thinking alopecia would give me some sort of an edge for years, told myself it was a positive and i could use it to train harder n faster than everyone else and gain some appreciation from my so called athletes and pals.When i started beating them i started hearing roumers back that i was taking steroids and they had made me go bald,which i wasn't i had quit my job and able to train night and day just to get my mind off this shit and create some feel good hormones .
Mary,ive read alot of your posts and you never ahem ramble, im sorry though i cant do the tatto thing cause i shouldn't have to.
Tan B
nice one for thinkin im handsome and hopefully those good things you talk of will come soon
Lily
No leaves to turn today im afraid, its spring. lovin your madra though
Thank you Lorna
Phyllis
i feel for your son ,nd you might give me some tips on how to put my mother at ease
Danni -stick with the porch
Amanda 7 years and still trying to find a positive
Babylon
thanks man and i called round d rasta camp tonight to see who was there
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Comment by Joy on February 27, 2011 at 10:07pm
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Sorry you are feeling so bad. I totally understand. One thing you can do is look into getting hair like Virtual Reality. I know a man that has just spikey looking hair (not wiggy or hair piece looking) and has had it for 20 years. He looks amazing. I think it would be something you would really like..there are service appointments every 4? weeks and the cost is about $200-$350 depending on how much hair you want to wear. Its like a contact lens..only not shiny and the hair is implanted so it looks like it is growing. It is bonded and then cleaned and rebonded each service appointment. The man I know just gets a new system each month.. You can swim, people can touch your head..I have looked at this guy's scalp close up and it looks perfect. I would do it in a heart beat but I am allergic to the bond which they tell me isn't common. There is a solution and no Im not affiliated with that company..there are several compamies doing this work..I just happen to know a guy with the original Virtual Reality hair. Again..not trying to endorse anything..just telling you there is an option out there so you can give a try and see if you like it. I know it works for the long term as the man I know that has it is a rock solid Christian and I know all of his family..it has worked for him for all these years and he plans to contnue to wear it. It looks awesome. But men do look fine with no hair to me by the way. We all have our own way we want to look and if we dont..then we are going to be down about it for a time. There's a solution out there though. I hope you feel better and this is helpful to you. I appreciate your honesty. Its hard to tell someone not to feel the way they do..no matter what the situation is..our feelings are personal and very real...its hard to see sometimes but people's feelings do get negated at times by therapists, other people with alopecia and people without alopecia. How we feel is personal..what we do with those feelings is up to us and most people want
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Hey joy ,thanks for taking the time
I see what your saying about the hair but i just couldn't do it.i have my own company and i have to lead by example and not show falseness,id prefer to be known for not letting this get to me (which obviously isn't working).Getting fake stuff on my face to make me look like a fake hairless person would just highlight insecurities
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Hi alice and thanks for that
but it keeps boiling down to the same thing,from a distance and through a lens certain flaws can be disguised,your niece prob does think im nice but shes never going to take a guy like me home to meet the parents,im too odd!!
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Not a problem for sharing. I hope you feel better soon. Maybe something you wrote will encourage someone else to write so they can get encouragement. I know alot of people have untreated depression and anxiety from having alopecia and maybe seeing your blog will feel its ok to be mad and sad and truthful and all that not fun stuff when dealing with hair loss..people try to hide stuff like that and some really do need to talk to the doctor...hope they reach out and say something. it's definitely a process and a grieving journey but in the end acceptance comes. I wish the best for you!! :)
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Sounds like people need an honest no holes barred x rated make a point of the bad things to prepare people and no nice imaginary stuff guide to alopecia
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By the way everyone this very minor vent has actually cheered me up
a bit
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Just had a big long story written up about how i lost it and all that,went to cap something and hit the wrong key and the page backpaged or whatever so i ended up losing everything
this is just fuckin typical of my life
it was actually good
with wit and 1 humour
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