Alopecia World
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This is negative. If you're looking for something more positive, don't read!
Im finding this harder the longer it goes on
Im sick of the looks i get,
Im sick of doctors telling that my problem is in my head and that other people dont notice,
im sick of having to not draw attention to myself
" " " not having confidence
having to explain that its not cancer
sweating,ie my hair on my head used to absorb it, now if im doing any sort of work or if someone asks an awkward question which makes me fluster and get hot under the collar the sweat beads and runs straight down my forehead which is very embarrasing and makes me look like i sweat profously which i dont its just that there is no hair to stop it beading and running
im sick of not being able to go to the gym
im sick of always being the oddest one out
people with no problems always goin on about them
getting special treatment,its only out of pity
im sick of my reflection
im sick of kids asking me whats wrong
im sick of the fact i cant really create an expression with my face and eyebrows anymore
im sick of the fact that i hate how i look in photos,such a strained smile but you can always see the sadness in the eyes
im sick of just being sad,if i never had hair i probably wouldn't mind as much but the fact i had it for 25 years and am the type of person who when i had it would have been the fucker making the remarks.(my own worst enemy)
im sick of smart arsed psychologists who went through school with excellent grades, collage with the tag of being a psychologist ,probably never had to worry about women or money or ever had any real confidence issues,How is a guy like that supposed to give me advice on my life which is constructed upon a completly different set of experiences which he probably has no experience of?
Im sick of writing this
im sick of the guilt of having to drag my girlfriend through this
Im sick of not having a plan
im sick of hating myself and this weight,its actually causing me to hunch over
im sick of knowing there is no god and nothing after death cause it makes the argument to stay alive less convincing
sick of it all -sick of it all the song just sprung to mind
im sick of wondering do i need help because of my lack of confidence in myself,ive done this drug and not too much drink free and have only been to one psychologist whom i really didn't like- im actually proud of this
im sick of worrying my poor mother,im her only son and i can see the heartbreak in her face
im sick of my poor old man through this he is old school and really doesn;t know what to say but tries anyway
Im sick of scaring off my sis's potentiat boyfriends
Just fuckin sick of it ,everything i want i cant have because it draws attention to me which just doesn't work for a fella with no eyebrows
im sick of people on this site being so fukin positive,here i am again second guessing myself. am i wrong for not being able to see any positives to this or is everyone who gives out about this blog just fooling themselves and looking for a light .
I understand everyone will deal with their alopica differently, i obviously havent dealt with mine. I will also agree that i need someone to help me But i want someone who has had experience with alopecia on a personal level to treat me which i haven't came across yet. This blog is of the darker nature and i offer no apologies to anyone whom it depressed or offended ,im just saying whats on my mind and if you can relate to that great- or not so,i dont know anymore
Im sick of the looks i get,
Im sick of doctors telling that my problem is in my head and that other people dont notice,
im sick of having to not draw attention to myself
" " " not having confidence
having to explain that its not cancer
sweating,ie my hair on my head used to absorb it, now if im doing any sort of work or if someone asks an awkward question which makes me fluster and get hot under the collar the sweat beads and runs straight down my forehead which is very embarrasing and makes me look like i sweat profously which i dont its just that there is no hair to stop it beading and running
im sick of not being able to go to the gym
im sick of always being the oddest one out
people with no problems always goin on about them
getting special treatment,its only out of pity
im sick of my reflection
im sick of kids asking me whats wrong
im sick of the fact i cant really create an expression with my face and eyebrows anymore
im sick of the fact that i hate how i look in photos,such a strained smile but you can always see the sadness in the eyes
im sick of just being sad,if i never had hair i probably wouldn't mind as much but the fact i had it for 25 years and am the type of person who when i had it would have been the fucker making the remarks.(my own worst enemy)
im sick of smart arsed psychologists who went through school with excellent grades, collage with the tag of being a psychologist ,probably never had to worry about women or money or ever had any real confidence issues,How is a guy like that supposed to give me advice on my life which is constructed upon a completly different set of experiences which he probably has no experience of?
Im sick of writing this
im sick of the guilt of having to drag my girlfriend through this
Im sick of not having a plan
im sick of hating myself and this weight,its actually causing me to hunch over
im sick of knowing there is no god and nothing after death cause it makes the argument to stay alive less convincing
sick of it all -sick of it all the song just sprung to mind
im sick of wondering do i need help because of my lack of confidence in myself,ive done this drug and not too much drink free and have only been to one psychologist whom i really didn't like- im actually proud of this
im sick of worrying my poor mother,im her only son and i can see the heartbreak in her face
im sick of my poor old man through this he is old school and really doesn;t know what to say but tries anyway
Im sick of scaring off my sis's potentiat boyfriends
Just fuckin sick of it ,everything i want i cant have because it draws attention to me which just doesn't work for a fella with no eyebrows
im sick of people on this site being so fukin positive,here i am again second guessing myself. am i wrong for not being able to see any positives to this or is everyone who gives out about this blog just fooling themselves and looking for a light .
I understand everyone will deal with their alopica differently, i obviously havent dealt with mine. I will also agree that i need someone to help me But i want someone who has had experience with alopecia on a personal level to treat me which i haven't came across yet. This blog is of the darker nature and i offer no apologies to anyone whom it depressed or offended ,im just saying whats on my mind and if you can relate to that great- or not so,i dont know anymore
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Comment by pat j madden on February 27, 2011 at 11:43pm
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tanya b you underestimate yourself ,why your just after coming up with an excuse for windows 10. A notepad onscreen that copies everything you write just in case someone looses connection or whatever
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Comment by Mary on February 28, 2011 at 1:02am
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Pat - I shouldn't have to do the tattoo thing either, but I did do it so that I could wake up in the morning with something akin to myself in the mirror. It was a good step for me.
I wish you peace. You obviously struck a nerve with your blog, and did what we all look to AW for: connect with other people who are dealing with this.
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Comment by dannii on February 28, 2011 at 6:37am
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Pat, lol! Believe me women with long gorgeous lushious natural hair will be falling over themselves to get to you...Porsche is fab, but sl is class :-)
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Alice you have not insulted me in any way and thank you for your sentiment
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Comment by Tallgirl on February 28, 2011 at 8:51pm
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Or, at my age, a man who is good at heart.
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Hi tanya ,yeah of course i can have fun and good times,they are just a bit dulled and not quiet as good any more.I get what your saying about my confidence issues and i agree with you that i have a big problem here ,i feel i have a mental block on this whole thing that i cant shake off or get out of.I've been telling myself for years that if i stay positive that someday ill forget about it and it will be like normal everyday living again or something close to it anyway.Tried some inner self healing books,meditation,relaxation techniques,hypnosis,accupuncture,bio energy guy,and made more than a few lists.And here i am 7 years on and from what i can tell getting worse.I dont know what to look forward to anymore tanya and im "tired"(for you joshua) of always feeling like this. Ive accepted the alopecia but im still not happy with it nor if im honest can i learn to completly like myself -and ive tried.People shouldn't have to pull through life, it should be lived through .
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Comment by zeida on March 1, 2011 at 7:38am
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Well Pat I have been without hair since November 2010. I had an episode 10 years ago, but not as bad as this one. I get where you are coming from, because at the beginning and when I first found this site I was really optimistic and thought it was going to be fun. Wearing different wigs (I bought three) I wore them for a while and now I don't wear them anymore. They made my head hot and I got SICK of wearing them. Now I wear a cap and I am SICK of wearing that. I want my hair BACK. I want my lashes BACK. My hair is coming back, but very slowly. I want it back FAST. We have our good days and bad days and we just have to continue on. Yes people look at me and think I am going through Cancer treatments and I don't like that. I got tired of explaining that I am not. It is hard sometimes. Good Luck hope you have an up day soon.
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Sorry I was having a moment of self pitty earlier. As I was driving to work I was thinking and reminded myself of how lucky I am. I have a wonderful husband who kisses my head every morning before he goes to work and tells me he loves me. I have two healthy boys and a very supportive family. I have nothing to complain about. Keep your spirit up Pat and do your best to have a good day everyday.
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Comment by JeffreySF on March 1, 2011 at 10:12am
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Just curious Pat, Have you ever met anyone else with alopecia?
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I want my hair back, too! And, I thought having wigs would be fun, too. After about a year of being sick of being ashamed and way too hot, I just said to hell with it. This is me now, having fun:
http://www.alopeciaworld.net/video/in-the-mood
If I can go from being afraid to go to the mailbox bald because someone might see me, to dancing and having a blast in front of 2,000 people, anyone can, including you, Pat. Attitude is everything. If you act like you're "normal" and look fine, other people follow you lead. Yeah, I get sick of the cancer questions, too. But, life goes on and not having hair is the LEAST of my problems now. I just smile and hand them an Alopecia "business" card that I make. And every time it happens, I feel fortunate that ALL I have is AA.
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