Alopecia World
www.alopeciaworld.com
This is negative. If you're looking for something more positive, don't read!
Im finding this harder the longer it goes on
Im sick of the looks i get,
Im sick of doctors telling that my problem is in my head and that other people dont notice,
im sick of having to not draw attention to myself
" " " not having confidence
having to explain that its not cancer
sweating,ie my hair on my head used to absorb it, now if im doing any sort of work or if someone asks an awkward question which makes me fluster and get hot under the collar the sweat beads and runs straight down my forehead which is very embarrasing and makes me look like i sweat profously which i dont its just that there is no hair to stop it beading and running
im sick of not being able to go to the gym
im sick of always being the oddest one out
people with no problems always goin on about them
getting special treatment,its only out of pity
im sick of my reflection
im sick of kids asking me whats wrong
im sick of the fact i cant really create an expression with my face and eyebrows anymore
im sick of the fact that i hate how i look in photos,such a strained smile but you can always see the sadness in the eyes
im sick of just being sad,if i never had hair i probably wouldn't mind as much but the fact i had it for 25 years and am the type of person who when i had it would have been the fucker making the remarks.(my own worst enemy)
im sick of smart arsed psychologists who went through school with excellent grades, collage with the tag of being a psychologist ,probably never had to worry about women or money or ever had any real confidence issues,How is a guy like that supposed to give me advice on my life which is constructed upon a completly different set of experiences which he probably has no experience of?
Im sick of writing this
im sick of the guilt of having to drag my girlfriend through this
Im sick of not having a plan
im sick of hating myself and this weight,its actually causing me to hunch over
im sick of knowing there is no god and nothing after death cause it makes the argument to stay alive less convincing
sick of it all -sick of it all the song just sprung to mind
im sick of wondering do i need help because of my lack of confidence in myself,ive done this drug and not too much drink free and have only been to one psychologist whom i really didn't like- im actually proud of this
im sick of worrying my poor mother,im her only son and i can see the heartbreak in her face
im sick of my poor old man through this he is old school and really doesn;t know what to say but tries anyway
Im sick of scaring off my sis's potentiat boyfriends
Just fuckin sick of it ,everything i want i cant have because it draws attention to me which just doesn't work for a fella with no eyebrows
im sick of people on this site being so fukin positive,here i am again second guessing myself. am i wrong for not being able to see any positives to this or is everyone who gives out about this blog just fooling themselves and looking for a light .
I understand everyone will deal with their alopica differently, i obviously havent dealt with mine. I will also agree that i need someone to help me But i want someone who has had experience with alopecia on a personal level to treat me which i haven't came across yet. This blog is of the darker nature and i offer no apologies to anyone whom it depressed or offended ,im just saying whats on my mind and if you can relate to that great- or not so,i dont know anymore
Im sick of the looks i get,
Im sick of doctors telling that my problem is in my head and that other people dont notice,
im sick of having to not draw attention to myself
" " " not having confidence
having to explain that its not cancer
sweating,ie my hair on my head used to absorb it, now if im doing any sort of work or if someone asks an awkward question which makes me fluster and get hot under the collar the sweat beads and runs straight down my forehead which is very embarrasing and makes me look like i sweat profously which i dont its just that there is no hair to stop it beading and running
im sick of not being able to go to the gym
im sick of always being the oddest one out
people with no problems always goin on about them
getting special treatment,its only out of pity
im sick of my reflection
im sick of kids asking me whats wrong
im sick of the fact i cant really create an expression with my face and eyebrows anymore
im sick of the fact that i hate how i look in photos,such a strained smile but you can always see the sadness in the eyes
im sick of just being sad,if i never had hair i probably wouldn't mind as much but the fact i had it for 25 years and am the type of person who when i had it would have been the fucker making the remarks.(my own worst enemy)
im sick of smart arsed psychologists who went through school with excellent grades, collage with the tag of being a psychologist ,probably never had to worry about women or money or ever had any real confidence issues,How is a guy like that supposed to give me advice on my life which is constructed upon a completly different set of experiences which he probably has no experience of?
Im sick of writing this
im sick of the guilt of having to drag my girlfriend through this
Im sick of not having a plan
im sick of hating myself and this weight,its actually causing me to hunch over
im sick of knowing there is no god and nothing after death cause it makes the argument to stay alive less convincing
sick of it all -sick of it all the song just sprung to mind
im sick of wondering do i need help because of my lack of confidence in myself,ive done this drug and not too much drink free and have only been to one psychologist whom i really didn't like- im actually proud of this
im sick of worrying my poor mother,im her only son and i can see the heartbreak in her face
im sick of my poor old man through this he is old school and really doesn;t know what to say but tries anyway
Im sick of scaring off my sis's potentiat boyfriends
Just fuckin sick of it ,everything i want i cant have because it draws attention to me which just doesn't work for a fella with no eyebrows
im sick of people on this site being so fukin positive,here i am again second guessing myself. am i wrong for not being able to see any positives to this or is everyone who gives out about this blog just fooling themselves and looking for a light .
I understand everyone will deal with their alopica differently, i obviously havent dealt with mine. I will also agree that i need someone to help me But i want someone who has had experience with alopecia on a personal level to treat me which i haven't came across yet. This blog is of the darker nature and i offer no apologies to anyone whom it depressed or offended ,im just saying whats on my mind and if you can relate to that great- or not so,i dont know anymore
-
Comment by pat j madden on March 2, 2011 at 12:38am
-
someone is probably going to have an issue with me stating he all the time so ill state now that he means he or she, sounds wrong but whatever like
-
Comment by Tallgirl on March 2, 2011 at 7:27am
-
I get part of that. It's like how my mom lied and told me childbirth wouldn't hurt. Right. Worst pain EVER. But the lie got me through quite a few years...and then, when it happened, there was no going back. But at least I got something at the end of it. The intangible personality changes of alopecia are not something that others can SEE up front when steeped in misery. It takes years...or a great role model with great stories...to even become aware that this might happen. One can only know this after time and experience with it. Question: How would an observer be able to tell when an alopecian was STARTING on that awareness? What would be the signs?
-
Comment by Amanda Carter on March 2, 2011 at 2:45pm
-
Just reading these last few comments, very thought provoking indeed. I have decided a site like this needs both sides of the story, I know that is what I want. Sometimes when I am feeling down I come on here and someone inspires me with their words or their video, and sometimes I can't take the positivity I don't want it, I want to know that I'm not the only one who struggles with this condition. I get on with my life and don't let Alopecia stop me doing anything, but that doesn't mean I am happy with it, no way. Some days I just cry about it and feel desolate and very sad, then angry and wanting to lash out. Different days I would read different posts. It can be off putting sometimes when you think everyone is so positive and handling this so well, and you begin to feel like a failure for not being always positive and not caring what people think. Its nice to have a place where you can get the inspiring words of positive people, but also hear the honest words of someone who is not feeling so positive. I personally have really enjoyed reading this big discussion Pat, and I really admire you for being real and being so very honest. Good on ya!
-
Comment by Mary on March 2, 2011 at 4:13pm
-
Good observations, Amanda. I've mainly posted "positive" blogs, comments and photos/videos on AW. There have been times when I was depressed and I felt like blogging about it and didn't - thinking it would only bring someone down who might already be down. I posted one blog about being upset, and I got amazing and much-needed support. I think what you've done is great, Pat. We need to see that it's completely normal to be devastated by this disease at times, or just plain fed up! Wishing you more "positive" days. Mary ..
-
Comment by steph on April 25, 2011 at 10:58pm
-
Kia ora Pat (aka - hi from NZ)
I'm new to this site and new to AA. Your post struck a chord with me. Thank you for your honesty and thank you for being candid about the reality for you.
What I have noticed for me is that I now live on a virtual roller coaster. On any one day I walk out the door and I feel like I put on an enforced positive veneer, ready to face the world - smile in place, 'the universe will provide' positive mantra on repeat play, with the best PR spin on why losing ones hair is not the end of the world and look at how well I am handling it, ready to spout out to anyone who questions. Then, later that day, behind the closed doors, when no one is looking, the mantra can just as quickly change into "Im sick of being positive, Im sick of it, why me, woe is the world, will I lose it all, what next, and I hate it!".
I am still finding my feet with this - and I suspect the roller coaster ride has some distance to travel yet. No doubt navigating the dips will be the thing that will challenge the most. Its the not knowing that creeps up and stabs me in the back when I least expect it, and wipes the positive away.
I think thats why your vent was so good to see - because its real, and I suspect you are expressing a number of emotions that many of us are not ready or brave enough to articulate yet.
So thank you and finally, Kia Kaha (be Strong)
-
-
ps happy easter to all
Comment
- ‹ Previous
- 1
- …
- 4
- 5
- 6
- Next ›
© 2024 Created by Alopecia World.
Powered by
You need to be a member of Alopecia World to add comments!
Join Alopecia World