This is wearing me down

Hi, I have had AT since the summer before my senior year of high school. Great timing! I was so embarrassed, and wore a wig to school and never told anyone. I made my mother tell the moms of a couple of my close friends and thats it. I always felt that people were staring at me. I went off to college and dealt with it, but only told my roommates and then it was never spoken of. It has been 20 years and I am just so tired of "dealing with it". I thought I accepted it but don't know if deep down I have. It has totally changed me as a person, has affected my self esteem, given me anger issues, etc. I still feel like people are staring at me daily. I haven't kept any lasting female friendships because I just feel fake, embarassed and that they are judging me. I am married and my husband knows and he is fine with it. He jokes about it, but has never seen me uncovered and never will! I just feel lonely and that nobody truly understands the pain I have been in. Like I said, 20 years of this has just sukced the life out of me.

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Comment by Tallgirl on June 5, 2010 at 7:44pm
You can also ask the NJ support group to have a few of the females meet you halfway between your cities, at a nice restaurant or wig shop, for a fun afternoon.
Comment by Tallgirl on June 5, 2010 at 7:42pm
I e-mail at least one old friend a day who loves me just as I am. It takes the pressure off after a hard day, and removes the worry of someone glancing up at my head. Church friends are also very accepting (liberal faith=no judgments). I'll be checking out a new alopecia support group myself soon, but in the past I have been to groups and have found the time spent with others who share this to be even more accepting than being with family members who don't have hair loss! The NAAF conference I went to years ago was wonderful...imagine a hotel reserving a whole pool for only alopecians? Or being in a whole conference room, cocktail hour, or in discussion workshops with all alopecians? Good luck!
Comment by Jocelyn on June 5, 2010 at 8:41am
You are not a loser! We all have our bad days and the days we forget about it until our wig slips or something crazy :) I would check out the NAAF site for a group near you in NJ. I'm also hosting an event with Bald Girls Do Lunch - part of my growing with acceptance plan. Its going to be July 17, 2010 at Tal Bagel's in NYC (Bagel Brunch) Very laid back - come and stay as long as you want. Eat a bagel and drink coffee. Talk hair, talk kids whatever. You can bring friends also that don't have alopecia to hang out and enjoy. Nothing like a reason to get into the city .. maybe do some shopping or visit central park after :)
Comment by Leslee on June 5, 2010 at 7:58am
Thank you Jocelyn! I would have loved to come to your support group but I live over 1 hour and 15 mins at least and I don't drive in the city ( i know, Im a baby LOL) I wish I could find one in NJ, I think that would help. I've never actually met anyone like "me" before.
I know I have my husband and son, but my extended family is not close, and I really miss those female bonds....I know, I'm such a loser!!!!
Comment by Jocelyn on June 5, 2010 at 7:19am
Hey Leslee

Thank you for being so honest. The process of accepting something you don't want to is never easy and for lack of a better word Sh***!And you are right, no one without alopecia understands fully or can fully put themselves in our shoes but you are so lucky to have a husband that is willing to give it a shot with humor!

I found that by talking about my wigs and stuff like I used to talk about my haircuts with friends has made our relationships stronger and taken some of the pressure off of me. I don't just come out and tell everyone like, "Good Morning! I have patchy bald spots hidden under my wig!" but those people that I really care about I do and they listen believe it or not! But I do have friends or aquaintances I havent told because it hasn't come up and I debate if I should just say something and I think that's OK. It's not being fake, it's being protective of yourself.

Do you visit any support groups in NJ? We have a NAAF ground in the city the second Monday night of each month, we have one this Monday the 7th. I found that to be extremely helpful for me. Here are women and men who do know what you are talking about and how you feel. I'll be there if you want a buddy.

Keep your head up! You are a beautiful children with beautiful kids and a loving husband. Friends come and go but these are the people who matter most and can help give you that life back that you think is gone for the moment.

Keep in touch!

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