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Comment by Marieca on December 20, 2011 at 11:13pm

A similar incident happened to me in an AT&T store a former coworker asked me why i was wearing a wig because i have beautiful hair! I couldn't decide if I wanted to hit him first or bust into tears! People have some nerve! Now though, I'm past the sensitivity I will answer yes its a wig in a heartbeat and never think twice about it. You will get there.

Comment by Brittany on December 18, 2011 at 11:20pm

I feel like people need to make other people feel small to make themselves feel better. You just ve halet them be and be thankful you are not ignorant like they are. It is upsetting how the world works sometimes.

Comment by Cindie on December 18, 2011 at 5:54pm

All of your comments are great, but do understand that there is a certain type of person who is NOT going to accept any "education" that can be given about alopecia, and will draw their own (very wrong) conclusions about your disorder -- because everybody thinks he or she know more than physicians and those who do research on alopecia. I've been there....I don't even try to "educate" people anymore......

Comment by zoitsa theo on December 18, 2011 at 10:43am

I am sorry that her comment hurt you. When someone noticed and called me out on my wig, a man no less, I was shocked and started getting paranoid about it. Was it that obvious?? After that, I started wearing my wig less, and wearing more headscarves, because if I was still going to have to answer questions, I may as well be more comfortable! I hate that people are so intrusive, and while I understand that perhaps I was given an opportunity to educate someone on AA, the last thing I want to do is cry to a stranger.

Comment by Nicole on December 16, 2011 at 1:45pm

Some people just do not understand the questions that should and should not be asked and simply because he or she may not know any better. I have had people ask me the same question for a few years when I first discovered I had alopecia and that is because people were used to seeing my regular hairstyle. In the beginning it was difficult to explain because I didn't know what was going on myself. But now, I have people who know me ask how is my hair, is it growing back yet, how are you feeling, and so on. When I am wearing my wig, I actually have people ask me who does my hair. None of these questions affect me the way they used to because I understand more about alopecia and its course and I love wearing my lace wigs and being able to change my style when I want. I feel liberated when I educate someone about alopecia and I think it is because I have become a stronger person about it. Do not let these type of people get you down, they just have to be educated about alopecia and learn something new.

Comment by LilyBell*Murphy'sLawLuvsMe on December 16, 2011 at 1:01pm

TG I like it! - unfortunately some are so dense or insensative or unaware or unthinking they just don't get the whole silence thing.

Comment by Tallgirl on December 16, 2011 at 9:08am

You can also say, "Why do you think that's YOUR business?" and walk away if you don't like the answer. Silence speaks loudly...at least, to a thinking person.

Comment by Elizabeth on December 15, 2011 at 11:10pm

@NYCGirlie, well what I once did when I was asked about it(by someone I did'nt particularly care for...)was I said " Does this look like a wig"? It's human hair, touch it if you'd like, and when I challenged her, she backed off. I honestly have a difficult time with this one sometimes, so what I often do is just walk away before the question is even asked. You can always tell when someone is going to ask about it, because the person will keep looking at your forehead area(in my experience) and when I notice that, I quickly change the topic, or excuse myself. In my culture(Indian) people can be very insensitive, so what I also end up doing is fixing certain things in my character, or personality. I'm normally a very shy, kind person, but in the presence of insensitive people, I change the shyness to a bit of boldness, and I become a "tough cookie",so to speak. It's all fake, but I do it because I know the people that ask me these insensitive questions, are usually doing it because they know they can. Once I transform into this "warrior"(lol) it's on! lol..Hope this helps

Comment by LilyBell*Murphy'sLawLuvsMe on December 15, 2011 at 11:08pm

My Mom at 73 has perfected a comment for any personal intrusion - she simply says sweetly 'and why would you want to know that?'

Does not give them the satisfaction of an answer and makes them reveal their motives for asking. She used to get asked all the time how much money my dad maked!!! Or why did I get a divorce. These were not people who were really intersted in my well being they were just nosy busy bodies.

A women who simply is not nice recently asked her as they were vol at church is she was wearing a wig. Again 'why would you want to know that'? If the woman had said - Oh your hair always looks so nice and mine is thinning - then I am sure she would have been happy to share - if the woman was just a busy body the question stops them.

Recently I was in the hospital in a double room - the nurse keep complaining that I had more medication than the 80 year old woman down the hall - not in a nice way - in a scarcatic mean way. Every pill she wanted to know why I took it. Not if it was indeed my pill - but why i needed so much medication. It was mean spirited - fianlly I said Oh I am so sorry you are having to work so hard to give me my perscibed medicine - I imagine it is hard for you to have to dispense so many pills - just imagine being the one who needs to take them.

She said well you look healthly - nobody would guess you have really falling apart!!!!

What a sweetheart of a nurse.

Comment by Rodeli on December 15, 2011 at 11:04pm

Hi Elizabeth! I love your electrolysis comeback too--sounded like she deserved it. Trust your gut--you can sense what people's motives are when they are rude to you about your hair. One of my favorite comebacks is "Why do you ask?" If they say something like how beautiful or shiney my hair is, I just say "Thank you." and change the subject. Not long ago my pastor's wife asked me why I was wearing scarves and hats to church. She actually asked if my one scarf was "African." I had to laugh. She asked if I wore them because I had cancer and was going through chemo. I said no but that I was experiencing medical hair loss. She said that was too bad but then had to go. This past weekend, I found her talking with a guest I brought and when I came up and joined the conversation, she suddenly interrupted the subject we were all talking about to tell me that as much as she likes my pretty scarves and hats, that my "hair" that day looked fabulous, that I looked like a "million bucks," and that there was nothing wrong with my hair and I didn't need to hide it under a hat or scarf. She just wanted to tell me that. So I'm thinking, does she think my wig is my real hair? I had on a fairly new wig (had worn it in prior weeks). I like her, I really do, and don't think she is being mean or fecicious but sometimes I don't get her preoccupation with what I have on my head. She has a great head of hair. Sometimes I think I want to have a private conversation and just let her know how things really are so she doesn't keep putting her foot in her mouth. No one else at church has said anything except one woman who I think guesses and has the grace to not ask offered to give me some material if I would like to make scarves for myself. But when all is said and done, why IS it there business? If I saw someone wearing a wig (or hat or scarf) or had false teeth or boobs, I would have the nerve to ask them about it. I would just accept them as they are and let them have their dignity. I guess that is hard to do. Anyway, another option to say to your nosey church lady or someone else as to whey you cover your hair is to say "Oh, I'm having a bad hair day. You should try it too--works wonders for hiding bad hair." LOL! Sometimes you just got to focus things back on them. You were wise to walk away!

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