I found some t-shirts on cafepress I think I'm going to order and wear to the gym since that seems to be where I get the most looks. Usually as I enter or exit the ladies room. I guess the make up and breasts aren't enough to prove my femaleness. *shrug* I am fighting the temptation to always wear a head scarf when I go out. I don't want to hide it. It's part of who I am whether I like it or not. The majority of the time I'm fine with it so why does it matter that other people have an issue with it? I answered the door today and didn't have a second thought about my 1/4" long, thinning hair until after I paid the man and he was driving away. Baby steps?
Since my son was having a play mate over today after school, I went in to the school to pick up the two of them. It was the first time his classmates had seen me with my buzz. There were giggles and whispers, long stares and double takes. One boy made sure to grab everyone who was not looking and bring it to their attention, "look his mom buzzed her head" snicker, snicker. My son seemed unaffected by it, though he did ask me in the car if I heard them laughing at me.
It was the first time I realized there could be consequences for my boys regarding my choice to shave it. I was living in a world of hair counting and double checking its placement in the mirror to make sure it was masked as well as it could be. I was crying on a daily basis. About my hair. I was avoiding people and events, because I was embarrassed. Shaving it was supposed to bring my sanity back. Some days I think it's still under a cushion somewhere, but then who doesn't have those days?