I've had alopecia since I was 11 years old. It started as a tiny bald spot, the size of a nickle, my mom had taken me to my family doctor and he start injections in my scalp. At first it wasn't too bad but my head would start to hurt a lot later. The bald spots finally went away on their own and it wasn't until a two years later they started again. At the age of 13 my dad had past away and I noticed another spot. The doctor told me it was from stress, I kept thinking to myself, I'm 13, what stress do I have?? After several round of injections my hair was coming back in. The spots didn't bother me as much, as they were easy to hide, no one was able to tell. It wasn't until I entered university that spots came back, and this time they were the size of a quarter. My doctor sent me to a dermatologist, and he was one RUDE doctor. He told me is was my fault for my hair falling and gave me injections and a topical cream to put on. I tried it for a bit and the hair came back, but I was losing more as well. In 2008 the spots got bigger and bigger to the point where I couldn't hide them. I started wearing clip-on extensions, they helped a bit. But I could always feel something pulling on my hair, I felt restricted. In 2011 the spots were refusing to go away, I went back to the dermatologist and this time he gave me a topical ointment that was suppose to help with the hair growth. The first time I tried it, it was fine. My scalp was a bit itchy, but that was expected. My hair grew back. In the summer of 2012 the spots came back, so I tried the ointment again. This time around I had an allergic reaction. My scalp was burning, skin was peeling and my glands swelled up. I couldn't put my head on my pillow without experiencing pain. I would cry all the time. It wasn't until August of 2012 that I came across a website that sold wigs, that were custom made for me. I checked it out and ordered one, then a couple months the wig had to be sent to get fixed so I ordered another one. At this point I had lost all my hair, I was completely bald I would tape the wig on in the morning and off to work I would go. After awhile the tape would irritate my skin and the little hair that was growing in was being pulled up by the tape. In 2014 I came across Follea and bought a wig from them. It is much lighter and breathable and requires no tape, but it isn't my hair. I have not started taking vitamins, trying different foods, applying castor and coconut oil in my scalp, anything to get my hair to start growing. I even applied onion juice on my scalp. They hair is coming going in, but it is very fine. I'm told to have patience and faith and the hair will come back, but my running low on patience and faith. My boyfriend is very supportive, he tells me all the time he would trade places with me and that my bald head is beautiful. I just don't believe it is. I wish I had the courage to go bald, I'm a high school teacher and kids can be cruel. I always worry my students will notice I'm wearing a wig. I'm tired of feeling this way all the time. Tired of making sure no one notices I'm wearing a wig, tired of looking in the mirror and not liking what I see, tired of looking at my grade 12 picture and thinking where did my hair go, tired of crying myself to sleep, tired of waking up having panic attacks, I'm tired of being tired. Will this pain ever end?