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Will this pain ever end?
I've had alopecia since I was 11 years old. It started as a tiny bald spot, the size of a nickle, my mom had taken me to my family doctor and he start injections in my scalp. At first it wasn't too bad but my head would start to hurt a lot later. The bald spots finally went away on their own and it wasn't until a two years later they started again. At the age of 13 my dad had past away and I noticed another spot. The doctor told me it was from stress, I kept thinking to myself, I'm 13, what stress do I have?? After several round of injections my hair was coming back in. The spots didn't bother me as much, as they were easy to hide, no one was able to tell. It wasn't until I entered university that spots came back, and this time they were the size of a quarter. My doctor sent me to a dermatologist, and he was one RUDE doctor. He told me is was my fault for my hair falling and gave me injections and a topical cream to put on. I tried it for a bit and the hair came back, but I was losing more as well. In 2008 the spots got bigger and bigger to the point where I couldn't hide them. I started wearing clip-on extensions, they helped a bit. But I could always feel something pulling on my hair, I felt restricted. In 2011 the spots were refusing to go away, I went back to the dermatologist and this time he gave me a topical ointment that was suppose to help with the hair growth. The first time I tried it, it was fine. My scalp was a bit itchy, but that was expected. My hair grew back. In the summer of 2012 the spots came back, so I tried the ointment again. This time around I had an allergic reaction. My scalp was burning, skin was peeling and my glands swelled up. I couldn't put my head on my pillow without experiencing pain. I would cry all the time. It wasn't until August of 2012 that I came across a website that sold wigs, that were custom made for me. I checked it out and ordered one, then a couple months the wig had to be sent to get fixed so I ordered another one. At this point I had lost all my hair, I was completely bald I would tape the wig on in the morning and off to work I would go. After awhile the tape would irritate my skin and the little hair that was growing in was being pulled up by the tape. In 2014 I came across Follea and bought a wig from them. It is much lighter and breathable and requires no tape, but it isn't my hair. I have not started taking vitamins, trying different foods, applying castor and coconut oil in my scalp, anything to get my hair to start growing. I even applied onion juice on my scalp. They hair is coming going in, but it is very fine. I'm told to have patience and faith and the hair will come back, but my running low on patience and faith. My boyfriend is very supportive, he tells me all the time he would trade places with me and that my bald head is beautiful. I just don't believe it is. I wish I had the courage to go bald, I'm a high school teacher and kids can be cruel. I always worry my students will notice I'm wearing a wig. I'm tired of feeling this way all the time. Tired of making sure no one notices I'm wearing a wig, tired of looking in the mirror and not liking what I see, tired of looking at my grade 12 picture and thinking where did my hair go, tired of crying myself to sleep, tired of waking up having panic attacks, I'm tired of being tired. Will this pain ever end?
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Comment by Shalini on August 17, 2014 at 11:12am
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Hey Faith,
It was nice to read about you and your life, was disturbing to read how your hair fall has effected you emotionally. I've had alopecia for the past 16yrs and I know exactly what you mean when you talk about your pain. I've had alopecia long enough to conclude that the condition is not in our hands. Getting frustrated over it makes no sense at all. Accepting the fact that you look different from others is something one has to learn to do gradually as its a continuous process and you might have to teach yourself everyday to not let the condition bring you down. I know its easier said than done, but since I've gone thru what your experiencing, i surely know that its not an impossible task to tell yourself everytime you look in the mirror that its not a head full of hair that completes you. I've leant to thank God for giving me good health and a sound mind, family and people that love me unconditionally. Its all on us how we decide to live our life. We could spend,it crying and grumbling for what we don't have or live life joyfully with gratefulness for what we do. Sometimes what requires to change is not our condition but our attitude towards the condition. Stay blessed.
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Comment by MamaDavis on August 17, 2014 at 11:28am
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I've only been diagnosed for just a few months. I can't imagine having to deal with this growing up. As a 30 year old woman I have had a rough enough time dealing with it. I'm sorry for your struggle and pain!!! I hate this helpless feeling. I just did my first round of injections, like 15 of them all over my head. It was very disappointing when she was finding spots I didn't even know I had. I just don't. want to pay all thus $$$ for something that may not even work. My insurance company is not wanting to cover it, that'd a whole other discussion!! Lol. I admire those who have just shaved all their hair and are so strong about it. I will not be able to hide mine much longer and am facing the decision of shaving myself. I keep asking myslef what is the lesser of the 2 evils, watching new bald spots appear every other day or just shaving if off and getting use to the fact I just don't look the same anymore. Idk its wreaking havoc on my emotions! I pray we all find our own peace of mind with this disease we have that no one has any answers for!!
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Comment by LK on August 17, 2014 at 11:11pm
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I'm so sorry for your pain. You are so brave to continue teaching. I taught for 5 years before my first daughter was born. I quit because of expensive infant care and low salary . I always told myself that I would go back after I raised my family and the last one was driving. Flash forward, 4 miscarriages and a new daughter who is now 16... I can't go out and teach, let alone find a job. What if my hair loss gets worse? What if I want to call in sick too much? What if I get fired for not showing up? What if people look at my funny? What if they look at me with pity, like my sisters do?
Anyway, I pray for acceptance and strength everyday. And a cure.
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Thank you all for your kind words and sharing your experience with me... Means a lot :)
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