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Do you truly feel good about your inner and outer self with alopecia?
I thank God that people tell me how nice I look or even how nice my hair looks when I wear ponytails etc., but I can't help but wonder would they think I looked so great if they actually saw my hairloss. I can honestly say I have not gotten over my alopecia even though it has happened over a course of 14 years.
How do I truly accept myself???
How do I truly accept myself???
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Linda on
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I love me! LOL, really I do, I accept myself and have learned to love me for who I am and what I look like. I've had Alopecia Areata since I was about 9, and finding hairdos that covered my spots was a task, but I'm way past that since I shaved my head. I love it!
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Permalink Reply by Debbie on
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I'm with you. I cannot get over the fact that I have alopecia. I've had it about 10 years. Since the time I've had it, I've gotten married and had two beautiful children, but there are things I still won't do. Swimming is very hard, unless there is no one around and you don't have to wear anything or everyone knows. Going out when it's really hot and not sweating under your wig. It sucks, it really does. I miss the days I could just put my hair up in a ponytail.
If I'm home and my hair is off and the doorbell rings, I won't answer it. Who knows who is at the door. If my husband isn't home, I ignore it. It's still very tough and always will be for me.
People still tell me how nice my hair is that don't know. Well, they should, my wig cost $2000. It's not that easy everytime I need a new wig to spend that. But what can I do.
So, no, I'll never truly accept myself.
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Permalink Reply by Orbit on
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YES I FEEL GOOD ABOUT MYSELF!!!
I AM NOT DEFINED BY MY ALOPECIA.
I am happy, I am healthy, I am whole and complete.
You will get there too!
Smile and be positive! :-)
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I've been thinking about this post since I replied last and I still feel good. I have lived with this condition for so long now that its now just a small part of who I am. At this point in my life I really just have fun with it! I normally wear red (as that is what I was), but I have alot of fun switching things up and going out with curly blonde locks, smooth and sleek brunette, perhaps short and sassy when I feel like it. There is absolutely no reason to be self conscious living with this condition.
As a woman I feel very lucky to be blessed with this auto immune disorder! I don't have to worry about stuble trouble, I've got the smoothest legs in town! Forget about the expensive and exotic Brazilian wax, I'm happy to be smooth and sexy all over.
I can honestly say that I am thankful for having lived with this thing called Alopecia, I think that I am a better person for having it. I hold my head high and smile.
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Permalink Reply by Dee on
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I appreciate everyone's honesty regarding this question. Of course, every person is different when it comes to acceptance or lack of acceptance regarding alopecia. I am divorced and it makes dating challenging, but in the end the character of the man will evolve and help in my decision for my next mate. I do believe my inner self has improved with my condition. I am more empathetic and accepting of other peoples physical imperfections. I always say that physical imperfections are impossible or very difficult to change, but personality can be enhanced!
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Deneene, you're right, we're all different and how we choose to deal with Alopecia is a personal rite. I'm very confident, but I've had AA since I was 9 and I have always had a great deal of support and acceptance. You will grow in Alopecia...Dating, a challenge in itself, I have not had a problem dating, sometimes men are intimidated by my confidence, but I date and it's all good. You're not that far away, we have to meet one of these days, may you, CrownedRoyal and I can plan something.
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Permalink Reply by Rose Marie' on
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Hi
I've had this discussion on many occasions with my alopecian friend in Australia. I think the acceptance of alopecia comes when you feel you have found a solution that fits you. For my friend and my daughter they see themselves with hair so they prefer to wear wigs. For many they see themselves without hair and no head covering and they prefer to present themselves to the world AU natural. So the feelings on the inside are matched by how you want to present yourself on the outside. Both these choices have very little to do with who somebody is. But to have the power to make the choice is empowering and helps with acceptance.
Acceptance takes time and I feel it is quite fluid in nature. What happens today and bothers you may not bother you tomorrow. If the same thing keeps bothering you everyday maybe a little self analysis and chatting here will help clear that up. I don't have alopecia (my daugher does) and I'm very aware of the problems that occur with self image becomes entwined with self esteem. Self-Image is just something you show others - self-esteem is what you must give yourself. One should not dictate to the other. But that's sometimes easier said than done. For those problems of acceptance I feel you have to work on what gives you self esteem rather than just how you present yourself. Even though a balance must be struck which makes you comfortable.
I'm sorry if I've rambled a bit but I hope this helps you sort out why you maybe are not feeling ok abou you.
Rosy
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Permalink Reply by fiona on
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i think acceptance means different things to different people.
for some it simply means being able to take there wig off around there friends and family, for others it means being able to look in the mirror without crying.
I myself have had alopecia in one form or another since i was 9 (now 36) and i think i have only truely accepted my alopecia in the last couple of years.
Dont get me wrong i still wont wonder about outside with out my wig or bandana on but i do wander round the house 'au naturel'. I have also been bald on holiday and whipped my wig off in a packed pub, so i think my levels of acceptance vary depending on how i am feeling on the day.
So really what i guess i am trying to say is alopecia is not your fault and it was only when i truely and honestly realised that, that i learnt to accept my alopecia.
Keep talking and posting it really can help.
fi xx
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Permalink Reply by Meghan on
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wow, I definitely feel much better after reading everyone's responses. I was just diagnosed with AU about 4 months ago.. and I always feel that I should be more accepting of my alopecia by now. Now I see that there are people who have spent their whole lives with the condition and are still learning to cope with it. I just feel like so much has happened in the past 4 months..it has been quite overwhelming. I am currently in my second year of college.. and coming back to school was very difficult after my diagnoses this summer. I have had so many people compliment me on my hair since i got back to school.. and i just think it is so funny! If they only knew! haha. I live in an apartment with 3 other girls.. and they are all very accepting of it.. and its sweet because they all tell me before they have friends come over because they don't want me to feel uncomfortable. This gives me time to put a wig on or whatever. I feel bad though because they shouldn't have to do this. I refuse to answer the door if i dont have my head covered. I dont know why I am so self conscious.. it's not my fault i'm bald! But, the bottom line is that I really havent accepted myself.. and I don't know if i ever truly will. I have my days when I'm okay with my hairloss.. and then there are some days where I would do anything just to be able to put my hair in a ponytail or something.
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Permalink Reply by Mary on
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I now go bald most places, and sometimes wear the Turkish scarves I showed in my YouTube video ("Alternatives to Wearing a Wig"). I wear a wig for "dress-up" only if it's very cool and I'm not doing anything physically exertive. I went to an art reception last weekend - my first evening event bald. I wore big earrings, a nice top and skirt, and a big smile. It was a little hard at first, but fine. I had compliments on how I look. My friends have all gotten used to me showing up for gatherings in a scarf, but often taking it off if I get warm...they tell me I look fine either way. I teach a weekly dance class bald....exercising is way too hot for me with anything on the head.
So, in answer to your question, YES, after struggling with my self-image for the 8 months I've been bald, I do feel good about my outer self whether bald or in a scarf. Yeah, I think I looked better with hair, and I like the way the wig looks on me. But, I hate the heat of wearing a wig and refuse to be uncomfortable for the rest of my life. My personal motto is "Life is too short to wear a wig". My other motto (for when people notice my bald head) is: "Yes, I'm bald...get over it."
Have you all seen the YouTube videos of a British TV personality named Gail Porter? If not, go to YouTube and search for her name. She's amazing! She lost all her hair to alopecia, and refuses to wear a wig. She does TV interviews bald. I wish we had someone on the air like that here in the US. She's also written a bio, but I haven't read it. It's on Amazon.
I know this path isn't for every woman. I know it isn't easy...it's still hard for me sometimes. But, every time I go "out", it gets easier. I have control of my life, and I have found that once I allowed friends and strangers to see me bald and know I don't have any hair, it just doesn't matter! I never worry about someone seeing me bald or finding out...it's who I am.
I once saw a billboard advertising "Star Trek Next Generation", with a photo of the bald actor, Patrick Stewart. It said: "To Baldly Go". I wish more bald women would boldly go where few bald woman have gone before....outside the house. ( ;-)
Hugs to all
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Permalink Reply by Dave on
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I recently shaved my head because all the white spots on my head looked rediculous. I caught a lot of flack at work for that decision, because at first, I wasnt brave enough to just shave it all the way to the skin, so I shaved it to 1/2 ", well, I didnt look at it, my wife said it looked good. When I got to work, there was a LOT of snickering and sneering every time I showed my face. So I went home and got a mirror and looked, and knew immediately why it was going on- it looked just like I had tried to shave my own head and botched it. I had to go to my General Manager and tell her I had a condition AFTER I finished shaving all of my hair off.
People up my way are notoriously ruthless and not very compassionate until someone wakes them up. Apparently, my GM set them all straight and I got apologized to. I forgave them all and I am sure they will handle things a bit different in the future.
So for me, unless someone has already known me, they dont think a thing about my shaved head. The only ones I have to be concerned about are those who have seen me with hair.
As far as how to handle that, Deneene? I would let all that go, and forgive yourself. You have a illness you have no control over, and its not your fault. If others arrent grown up enough to understand that, then thats their problem. Your hair doesnt make you a person, your heart and soul does.
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Yes, I forget that I'm bald, too. Life does go on.
Your post about something hanging out of your nose reminded me of my list that I've posted before here on AW, and elsewhere. I know many of you have seen this, but, here it is again, just in case it will give a smile to anyone:
The Top 10 Benefits of Alopecia Universalis:
10. The smoothest, silkiest legs ever, with no shaving, razor burns, or stubble.
9. Totally hair-free underarms, and no post-shaving pain when you apply deodorant.
8. Never any embarrassment when you forgot to shave your legs or armpits. And, no “short and curlies” peaking out of your swimsuit!
7. Instant relief from overheating (particularly in the event of a hot flash) – by simply taking off whatever is covering your scalp.
6. Salesclerks, public employees, and just about everyone you meet is really nice to you when you’re a bald woman.
5. There’s no need to take a shower before you go out just so your hair will look good.
4. You never have to pluck your eyebrows (or your chin, if you’re middle-aged).
3. No more bleaching or waxing that pesky upper lip hair.
2. If you’ve had permanent eyebrows and liner applied, you never have to spend time (or money) on eye makeup.
And the #1 benefit of Alopecia Universalis:
1. You never have to worry about “a bat in the cave” – no hair in the nostrils means no boogers can get caught there!
Mary
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