When should you tell a person that you're dating, married to, or interested in that you have alopecia? Or, to pose the question quite differently, do such people have a right to know about your condition and, if so, when should you tell them? If for some reason you don't think it's their business, let's also discuss this perspective.
Alopecia World: You may also want to check out this discussion on the topic.
As far as telling a date, I like to be honest with them as soon as they start asking questions. A man wanted to buy me a drink in the bar one night and me asked, "Can you do me a favor?" "Can you take that headband off?"
I feel like if I lie to the boys, they would sense an undercurrent, or just know I'm lying. I think they would be put off by it so I told him the truth. "I don't have any hair, this is plastic."
I didn't detect any judgement from him and the conversation just went on like it normally would.
As far as getting married to someone and keeping it a secret from them, I really can't visualize this unless you just recently got it and were splitting up. If someone can hide it from their spouse, I would want to know what kind of home they were living in.
Totally Agree with you Zimrie. Anyone who thinks that they are actually keeping a secret like that from their spouse is delusional. The spouse totally knows and is just going along with the charade. The only way you can have a true, honest relationship is to be open about all the things in your life that affect your everyday living. You don't have to tell them about every other person you ever dated, but you DO have to tell them if you are bald! No way it would ever be a good idea to keep it a secret. Also, with regard to others having the RIGHT to know, that's not even the issue. It's that they WILL know - eventually and if you try to keep it a secret, the only person who will be harmed is YOU. I hear this argument from people all the time, "it's none of their business". Since when did anyone EVER let that stand? People MAKE it their business to know stuff that you want to keep private all the time. The only way to be in charge of your life is to be OPEN about it. That way, YOU control the conversation, not the people who are trying to decipher your secrets. YOU have the power, not them.
Where is the LIKE button? I only see "Reply."
There isn't one on AW but they should add one! Maybe FB has Like patented, but we could always add an AGREE button, right? Cheryl Carvery Jones?????
Twitter has hearts instead of likes. Maybe we could add stars (or bald heads) or something : )
I'm just getting back into the dating world and actually joined this forum for support! I've been talking to this guy for a few weeks and things are going great! Due to distance and busy schedules we are meeting face to face for the first time this week! I'm super excited but nervous. I read all the posts and it's given me courage to tell him about my alopecia. I was hoping my new hair topper would have arrived in time for our date but maybe it's for the best. I really appreciate all the posts and the advice everyone has shared. Wish me luck!
The best of luck to you, Colere. I tend the think the sooner, the better. The later, the messier. Of course, there are always exceptions to the rule. ;-)
I told him last night and it went really well! Thanks for the support!