Alopecia World
www.alopeciaworld.com
Father acceptance of daughter`s alopecia
I believe that if my father accepts my alopecia and not just give me that `I`m so sorry/pity look` I will be more self accepting and more trusting of males.Unfortunately my father who is a very sensitive and caring man is not strong enough!
Replies to This Discussion
-
Permalink Reply by Mandy on
-
Have a talk with him and tell him how you feel. Tell him that you are okay and happy. I truly think that our attitude affects how others react to us. If you are happy and confident others will see that and know you are ok. :o) Hugs darlin!!
-
Permalink Reply by Imbi on
-
I think it is hard for parents to see their child living through all the things whith alopecia. My parents didn´t know long time how to help me all the things they said seemed so wrong for me but over the years I notesed that alopecia was new for me and the same was for them. I remember one night over many years. I think I was 17 or 18 and I was crying in the middle of the night because alopecia gave me so much stress and my dad came to talk with me because he heard me and he told me that what is keeping me up at night keeps him up too. He felt so helpless because he couldn´t help to stop the hair falling out or any other way. I´m glad that I had that talk with him then it helped us a lot. I think you should talk with your dad and explain things and maybe it will help you too.
-
Permalink Reply by Cheryl, Co-founder on
-
That is an interesting thought. But I agree with some other comments, they are going through alopecia too. I think my father had a hard time with my alopecia at first too. But over time I found that has I learn to accept myself (that is why it is called self-acceptance), he handled it much better. In fact a few years ago at a wedding, I was the maid of honor, he told my mom with tears in his eyes that he was so proud of me, coming down the isle with my bald head held high. He told my mom that I looked beautiful. I don't think he was responding so much to my physical beauty as much as he was responding to my personal beauty at that time, if that makes sense. But, even if he never came around to that realization, I still would be responsible to reach a place of self-acceptance.
-
Permalink Reply by Rose Marie' on
-
Hi
I've always felt that Dad's have such a big part to play in the lives of their daughters. I understand that many (not all guys) have trouble understanding their daughters and feel so much more comfortable with their sons. The effort must be made. I know when my daughter first got this Alopecia her Dad struggled horrendously. I saw it (at the time) as withdrawal and it hurt terribly. Then as I'm want to do ( I talk a bit LOL) I started digging and finding out what the problem was. It was not as simple as I thought. His pain was horrendous, just as mine was. But in his case he felt like he really was a failure for not being able to fix this problem. As a family we talked about his pain - all our pain quite openly - it worked for us. We never hid our tears. We just made our daughter aware that the tears were over the alopecia - nothing to do with who she was. My husband came to terms with this and is now the most wonderful support for our daughter. My daughter feels totally safe and protected with her dad and understands that when he is vulnerable she can also help him.
What i'm trying to say is YOUR DAD IS STRONG ENOUGH. Tears and upset isn't bad as long as your working to make it better. Don't walk away from your Dad and don't let him walk away from you. Talk to him - tell him. Work to get your relationship with him to where it should be.
Hope that helps.
Rosy
-
-
Rose Marie, Very well said. I believe you are saying that compassion is not a weakness.
-
Permalink Reply by Karen on
-
My husband seems rather fine with our daughter's alopecia. He just said to me that if life is meant to give you one big blow...he rather it is alopecia than anything else. I think the main reason that he is not that bothered with it is because of what his life was like when he was growing up. He was a refugee as a child and he told me that he has seen and experience things that no child should experience so now that our daughter has alopecia...he reckons it is just a walk in the park.
-
Permalink Reply by Tyler's Mom (Kristen) on
-
Please don't link accepting alopecia as the same thing as accepting you. I have absolutely no doubt that your father is feeling helpless and distraught because he can't fix this for you. It has absolutely NOTHING to do with how you look or his love for you. Parent feel that it is their responsibility to make their children's lives as easy as possible and when they can't fix something, they feel like they've failed you. I think that letting him know that you are okay and you know how much this hurts him will do wonders for both of you.
-
-
I am really glad that parents are responding here. You guys are offering some invaluable advice. Thanks guys. BaldieGirl maybe asking the questions now, but many more are or will be reading this in the future.
-
Permalink Reply by kastababy on
-
Don't think for a moment that your father is not strong enough to accept your AA. My father was a very caring, sensitive man who cried at every Disney movie (Bambi was a particular favorite), yet that sensitivity and caring enabled me to blossom and become the person I am today. I totally credit my father's acceptance of my alopecia with setting the standard for what I should be looking for in a romantic relationship, and seeing how he reacted showed me how I should react. Any insecurities that I have as an adult were definitely NOT as a result of how my father treated me as a child or viewed my AA. By all means, talk to your daddy and tell him how you feel. Draw strength from each other. And above all, use this unique situation as an opportunity to grow closer to your father. Fathers don't live forever -- and I would give anything in the world to have just one more day with my father just to thank him for being so kind, sensitive, and caring when I needed it the most, and just to tell him how much I love him and miss him.
-
-
Hi
I think this is so very interesting. My mother always said to me that the first love in a womans life is her Dad. My Dad was not perfect (as none are) but what he did give me was great faith to be who I am. He loved me warts and all and still does and I loved him warts and all. He continually reinforced my abilities and is proud and supportive of my successes quiet and understanding of my failures. He is a very non-combative man with a gregarious soul, who loves to laugh. Very much like my lovely husband. I have thought about this a lot over the years. My Dad's imperfections never really influenced me (he was an alcholic for most of my life). This obviously effected me somewhat - but I never took it on as something that I had causedI always thought that was his stuff and nothing to do with me. I suppose the one thing that it did make me aware of was what I did like about him and what I didn't (my husband does not drink).
When I see my daughter with her Dad and the love that is there it reassures me that she will be ok. Dad's do matter - sooooooo much. For all those Dad's out there just keep working to get it right - no one expects perfection just that you keep working at it.
Rosy
© 2024 Created by Alopecia World.
Powered by
