Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by R0BB on July 4, 2011 at 5:32pm

Hey Naples ..... Welcome.

I intend on adding you to my friends list so you can view my first blog which I posted few months ago , which will explain that you're not alone in your insecurities over acceptance out in the rat bastard cruel world .. lol

You mention other alopecians and the times they get to thier big moment of acceptence.
Mine happened recently , and here how I think I got to that point and why.

After joining up here I realized that I wasnt alone with this crazy affliction. I always knew there were amillions out there but out of sight out of mind ...ya know ? After weeks of touching base with others , and some that have more severe cases of alopecia than me ... the realization that things can always be worse and as long as you can face a problem with others that understand and give some sort of support - then the problem is much easier to accept and deal with.

I shaved my head two times ... once a couple years ago and last month. I had regrowth in between. Each time I did , it really was empowering to the point where I made my alopecia a NON issue. And I made my noggin alot cooler in the summer lol. At the same time , I also gained a certain type of strength with my shaved eggplant ... I'll try to explain it.

Without a shaved head , and walking around hiding alopecia spots , wearing hats that werent cool , using all that crap they sell to try and conceil hair loss, I felt inferior , like I was less than me , like eveyone was staring . The constant reminder of the wind speed , or is it gonna rain , or are there any spots showing really cantake a toll on ones self esteem.

With my head shaved , I gained this sort of invisible strength , knowing that I made all those horrible alopecia side efects and chores disappear , and I did it myself , I had control of how long the suffering would last. I hope this doesnt offend anyone but I also acquired a honest to god " I DONT FUKKIN CARE WHAT ANYBODY THINKS " attitude as well. True , it hardened me a bit but I think it also hardened my soft vulnerable qualities which is a positive in my opinion. Now , I look at some people out there in society .... with thier comb overs and horrible bozo like hair do's and I feel better about myself and my shaving choice. I guess after 30 + years letting the side effects of my alopecia control me , I took control and decided to drive the car of my own life. The mileage aint the greatest , but I always start up and in first gear I run like brand new !

Personally , and I dont know if its cuz I have alopecia or not but , I think a woman with a shaved head or a cool baseball cap and a shaved head looks cutting edge and stylin and would fit in at any bar, club or saloon or even any class restaurant as an employee or a patron. Times they are a changin. Christ , the president doesnt even wear a tie most of the time nowa days . ( Even though I disagree with this , but then again I disagree with most of wehat the guy does. This is a subject for another blog on another website !! )

Emily , you seem like a firecracker .. and a gal with some guts and humor . Use both of those traits . Have a look around on here , add some friends , shoot the shit a little and I think you'll find that things will get easier to handle in the near future.

PS- Ive got the same crop circle results when I onlly buzz my scalp down. What Ive found is that if you use a good shaving buzzer and use the lowest setting , try going against the grain of the stubs that are still there to get that blended in look. Also , if you get out the hot towel , then shaving cream , then disposable razor .... you'll never have crop circles again and when I do that I only have to razor shave about once a workweek.

Hang in there .

- R0bb

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Permalink Reply by Emily Naples on July 4, 2011 at 5:47pm

Robb- This made me laugh! Thank you for your support. It does feel lonely sometimes - i do feel inferior. I know I'm not. Its just, getting used to hiding something that shouldn't even be hidden in the first place. People are rude and mean. Like my dad said in reference to my driving: "...its not you I'm worried about, its the other people on the road..." And since so many are hiding, (like you said, outta sight outta mind) its hard to find someone to have this in common with...(thank Jeebus for my recent discovery of Alopecia World!). Thank you so much for your kind words...I look forward to my moment of acceptance. --Em

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Permalink Reply by Tony McCarthy on July 5, 2011 at 4:02pm

Hi Emily

I completely agree with every thing you have said. I have had complete baldness for 10 yrs now and still feel inferior.

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Permalink Reply by Murray Halbert on July 5, 2011 at 8:52pm

Hi Emily
You really do have support here and skimming through replies, the advice and good wishes are heartfelt by the members. We have all been through it, many not at such an early age were kids are antagonistic and don't miss the chance to tease. Unfortunately this seems to make a person grow into a mind set that makes you feel that you must hide anything that makes you different. Myself at the age of 34 I lost it all....completely...... in 1 month talk about an adjustment. But there was a good side to this, I work at an icecream plant and don't have to wear a hair net. I accepted the questions and answered them honestly with out making the questioner know how uncomfortable I was . I would pretty much put an end to questioning by saying that of all the things I can live without, hair is one of them. I still feel self conscious after 21 years , I know I can't change this so I have grown to expect the situations were I am questioned by well meaning people. I can only say that I have accepted it as a part of who I am, that the hardest thing for me to do . That is the hurdle most of us have different ways of getting over. Everyone makes that leap whether in little jumps or one massive leap. Almost like getting to the age of 30, freak all to this ,don't know what the hype was all about. Then 40, that it is not so bad once you get there. I think what I am trying to say is " people are their your own worst critic"
Just keep a smile and be yourself, but a grin keeps everyone guessing [;>

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Permalink Reply by PaulJ on July 4, 2011 at 6:09pm

Welcome to the family Emily :)


Nothing to be ashamed of at all ! So you wear a wig or beanie when out, nothing to be ashamed of there - you only did what you felt comfortable and there isnt anything wrong with that - its not like your scalp is a giant advertising board and to hide it will be a crime. While yes other blogs writers document what they did, this isnt a rule you have to follow, you just do what is best for you and take it one step at a time.

I've been AU since I was 4 aswell, and I kept it all inside and it didnt do any good. Then I made a post like yours on a site once and I had an instant weight off my shoulders, just being able to say something, to someone who will understand is such a relief. I hope that things only get better for you.

Paul

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Permalink Reply by Emily Naples on July 4, 2011 at 6:24pm

Thank you Paul. I appreciate your support -

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Permalink Reply by Anne Brenda on July 4, 2011 at 6:09pm

Hi, Emily. I admire you--27 and sticking up for your right to be as good and acceptable as anyone with hair! It takes time to work up the courage to be different and out about it, but I truly believe people will accept you as you are, if you do. I was sitting next to a totally bald woman on the train and she was amazing. A lot of attitude, plus she looked really good--not like a walking apology,as I might. And that's where I think things stand. If you truly realize your worth as a person and don't base how you treat yourself on other people's views, you'll do fine once you're ready to go public. I'm glad you're trying to get a handle on it while you're young. You have your whole live ahead of you and either you can have it, or your shame will continue to have you. It's very hard, and I'm older and never got there, but that's why I know how important it is and what the consequences of not conquering it are. I wish you all the best in moving on!

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Permalink Reply by Emily Naples on July 4, 2011 at 6:29pm

Anne- So true. A walking apology. I feel like this outwardly...inside I do not. This is the struggle...matching how I feel inside with how I project outside. I am A FIERY CONFIDANT WOMAN - but not when it comes to baring my scalp. Its just a scalp...My boyfriends have all become accustomed to it...they don't mind me bald in private. In public, I guard my hat with as much ferocity as like, lets say... my panties - cause I always have. I am humbled by the outpouring of support - this is a first for me in my struggle to FULLY accept my condition. Thank you - Em

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Permalink Reply by Ktownnana on July 4, 2011 at 8:49pm

Emily, to say that you've taken your wig off in front of boyfriends says volumes for you. I can't even do that. Nor can I go around my family members without a wig. My sister often comes over and she tells me to go ahead and take my wig off and that she doesn't mind at all, but I can't even take it off in front of my own sister. Like I've posted before, until I can feel comfortable with looking bald in a mirror myself, then I will be ok with this, but I honestly wonder if I'll ever feel this way. I do applaud everyone on this web site who are comfortable being bald and this web site has helped me tremendously to know I am not in this alone.

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Permalink Reply by linda carraway on July 4, 2011 at 6:22pm

Emily, I totally agree with Robb. When my hair fell out again at age 51 I was determined not to waste anymore time worrying what others think or be afraid. Life is way too short it took me awhile to get here but boy it feels great. Its been 2 yrs and I can say I've never felt better and I have never had anyone be rude . I think I kind of take it as my crown of glory . I'm different and proud of it. When I arrived at this site and saw all those beautiful children as bald as me and out there I knew I couldn't hide anymore. I have educated a lot of people about us and I also have Vitilago so my hands are always out there ! that started about 6 yrs ago. You'll get there just give yourself some time to get used to being out there. Whats the worst that could? Will the world fall apart if I'm bald? Hell no girl get out there and just be you!

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Permalink Reply by Christopher Blackett on July 4, 2011 at 6:28pm

Don't be ashamed of your reaction. There's no right way to respond to alopecia. Don't let baldness define you, so your reaction is a perfectly reasonable one. But you'll want to prepare yourself for when the time comes when you'll have to show your head to someone--most probably your future soulmate. I don't advocate changing your ways, since a wig may be best for you, especially considering your occupation, but it sounds like you want to change and have the confidence to go outside without a hairpiece. The first step to that is letting your family see you without a wig, and slowly transitioning from there. It won't be easy. Life never is with alopecia. But you're strong, undoubtedly so after having lived with it for 23 years. Don't let your baldness own you, as you admit. You have the power to define yourself, whether it's with a wig or not. And realize that your friends and family are what matter most in the world, not the random strangers you pass on the street, and they will accept you, bald and everything, no matter what.

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Permalink Reply by Emily Naples on July 4, 2011 at 8:16pm

I know that my friends and family will accept me...its the other people I interact with on a DAILY basis that worries me.

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