27 and covered up

Well, here it goes. The support. This is my first post--first public discussion.. I have determined, after having Alopecia since I was 4 - it has owned me. I've allowed it to limit me in ways that myself-a strong woman- should never do...I am 27 and I have never been in public without a wig or a beanie. I am ashamed...i don't know why. The looks.. The stares. I don't want to be identified by my baldness..."hey, here comes the bald girl..."...I want to be known for my incredible personality that I have developed over the years to way make up for m lack of conventional outer beauty. I don't have the balls. I am so ashamed I have not let even my parents see me bald...not since I lived at home. I'm frustrated with myself...swimming is a chore...motorcycle rides, the summers in Maine. I always feel like I'm hiding. I am the manager of a bar, so my looks alone are workplace valuable---I do not work at Abercrombie by any means...would I get fired? I just....want to be myself. I just joined Alopecia World. I am reading about everyone's "big moments of acceptance"...wonder when mine will. I am not ashamed that I have Alopecia...I am woried about how brutal people will be...like...opening up a new world that takes away my anonimity that i have created with blending in with a hat and a hood...to sticking out...explaining..."no I do not have cancer"...to those so bold as to ask me whats wrong. I am fine. just...scared. I feel so beautiful as I am. Its tasking others to accept this "unconventional" beauty that scares me. I am worried that it will be limiting...and freeing at the same time. I have some roots, and no roots. It looks funny...I shave it so my head looks like a cow hide/world map; if it were all bald it would be one thing...but its not. its mottled. I had had 3 full cycles of hair loss/growth in my lifetime. I just...want to accept this.

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Permalink Reply by Emily Naples on July 4, 2011 at 10:19pm
Thanks Cheryl! I fell we are very similar in our thinking...:) I appreciate your words, it means alot.
Permalink Reply by jean on July 4, 2011 at 9:47pm
HI EMILY, I TOO UNDERSTAND HOW YOU FEEL. WHEN I WENT OUT FOR THE FIRST TIME THIS WEEKEND, I FELT SO FREE. I GOT STARES AND LOOKS ,BUT YOU KNOW WHAT, PEOPLE STARE AND LOOK EVEN WHEN I HAD HAIR BECAUSE I KEPT IT LAID, LOOKING GOOD. SO NOW, I EMBRACE THAT FACT THAT I AM STILL BEAUTIFUL WITHOUT IT. IT TRULY IS A PROCESS, STEPS HAVE TO BE MADE AND IF YOU DON'T LET THE WORDS OF OTHERS INTEFERE WITH WHAT YOU FEEL INSIDE YOU WILL MAKE IT. ONLY WHAT GOD THINKS OF ME IS TRULY IMPORTANT AND HE BROUGHT ME TO A PLACE OF ACCEPTING AND EMBRACING MY BEAUTY WITHOUT HAIR.

I WILL KEEP YOU IN MY PRAYERS EMBRACE, LET GO, AND CELEBRATE YOUR BEAUTY!!!!! HAVE A GREAT WEEK JEAN THE FREEDOM QUEEN
Permalink Reply by Emily Naples on July 4, 2011 at 10:00pm
I envy You! Congrats for freeing yourself..:) Thank you for your support!
Permalink Reply by Emily Naples on July 4, 2011 at 10:58pm
YOUR BLOG IS NOT ONLY AMAZING BUT HUMOROUS!!! I LOVE IT!!!! Thankyou!!!!!
we will start a minority parade!!! :)
Permalink Reply by Cheryl on July 5, 2011 at 1:13am
Omg.... soooo agree Emily!
I never have read blogs before...but will be reading this one. If i can figure out to ... what... subscribe ... to it?
Permalink Reply by Tallgirl on July 5, 2011 at 12:39am
Hey, I'll be 59 soon...and I just went shaved and wigless in public (out of town, on vacation, in liberal California and San Francisco, with a bald companion) for the first time about a month ago. I think a lot of my generation, having been raised in the Beatle Era, was trained to feel that long hair on girls and guys was the ultimate, sexy Cool. Guys with buzzed hair were geeky and reminded us of military guys, who many of us opposed due to the Vietnam War. It is very hard to untrain those who had years of rock-group hair standards and photographs of friends, TV and music personalities and Farrah posters to contend with as a standard of beauty. Give us a break...but also, Lee, you MUST allow that this new generation has had many bald and shaved men...and women...to admire in their world. Be it G.I. Jane, Irish singers, Bruce Willis or women on The Voice, this generation feels differently than ours. We have no right to make them feel bad about themselves. Look at me: I tried it, looked at myself in the mirror, and decided I wasn't half bad with my make-up, big earrings and airy dome!

I may not do this all the time, but not every man will be as rude about my alopecia as my ex was in 1999. That's the other part of this, isn't it: what our men in our age group will think. They WERE the wanna-be rock stars. They bought those Farrah posters, worshipped Wonder Woman, and asked the gals with long tresses and hippy hair to the dances and football games, beaches and bonfires. We HAD to hide in our day. The question is...who are we NOW and possibly FOREVER? Can we look in the mirror through modern eyes?
Permalink Reply by Cheryl on July 5, 2011 at 12:43am
Tallgirl....
Well said. That does make a lot of sense. And, so good for you going without. Sure seems as tho the summer is the time to try it!
Permalink Reply by Marie on July 5, 2011 at 1:57am
Hi.

I don't know if I can offer any really valuable words, but I want to jump in here and support you.

I don't go bald in public because I love wigs. I'm a dedicated (addicted) wig wearer. But, it's not because I want to hide; I just like wigs! Absolutely everyone knows I have Alopecia and when I tell someone new, I show them photos of my head without a wig if they are interested. I like to educate people about Alopecia. Whenever some stranger compliments the color of my hair or the style, I always tell them it's a wig and why I wear one. It's not embarassing; it's empowering. Incidentally, a lot of the time I don't wear a wig at home, and I'm comfortable with that.

Just reading your entry, I think going bald in public is a choice that you are strong enough to make and a choice that would be equally empowering for you. I agree with everyone else here that going bald (or in my case freely telling people about Alopecia and that you wear wigs) is great because it takes the shame we feel away. I remember too well that feeling of shame and a desire to hide, and I hope we can all support you in leaving that behind in your life.

Think about this: how many women on this site have written, "No, no don't do it! I tried it and it was horrible!" Some may say they are uncomfortable with the idea, but none (except one) have told you not to try it. Acceptance comes in all forms.

And regarding men, if you think you are beautiful, they will too. Confidence is sexy, and once you cast off the shame, your true personality can shine through. THAT is what will attract them!

Alopecia is a tough thing. But hang in there. Yoiu can't cure it, but you can get rid of the negative effects on your spirit.

Marie
Permalink Reply by Liz on August 10, 2011 at 8:00pm
Hi Marie! This is a lovely comment. You do sound somewhat like myself. I also enjoy wigs and have fun playing with them. I have become a halfway decent hair stylist through years of trial and error. My favorite wig lately has been Picture Perfect from Forever Young, although I have experimented with other styles and colors. Write back soon. Liz
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Permalink Reply by Modest Mommy on July 5, 2011 at 2:53am
As I read your post, I felt as though I was reading a note written in my heart. As I read your words, tears of pain and catharsis streamed down my face. I am really struggling with this and feel that I become more of a recluse each day. I was meant to read your words at this time in my life.
Permalink Reply by Emily Naples on July 5, 2011 at 9:34am
<3 Maybe we can help each other
Permalink Reply by Modest Mommy on July 5, 2011 at 10:24am
I would love that = )

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