Alopecia World
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9 year old now starting to struggle
Terri
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Tallgirl on
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Mine was at age 10, and since my mother sewed my clothes, she made triangle scarves and wide cloth headbands to match my dresses, and granny caps to wear to sleepovers. Yes, girls can be cruel, and most girls want to fit in...so I get your daughter's stance on this. One thing about the confidence from a parent's point-of-view: act like everything is okay and normal in family activities, still discuss outings, relatives, hobbies and future college, and definately promote and pay for whatever she finds fun or therapeutic for herself (for me, church camp, art and high school clubs). One of those things will lead to her future career choice! Also, find an older cool teen with alopecia in a local support group (one with confidence) to go out on a mother-daughter lunch at a cool place for kids. The biggest thing I missed and needed is knowing at least ONE other person with alopecia before my 30s. If you could also find some kids her age in a support group or at the alopecia conference in Washington D.C. this month (www.naaf.org), she could also develop life-long pals in this.
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Permalink Reply by Alliegator on
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I agree.. the thing that helped me is knowing that I am not alone. I know there are several parents who are members of this website so maybe you could find a pen pal for her. I think we all struggle with our confidence no matter our age. One thing that helped me was talking about it, and wearing wigs. I'm sure that she will get back to that place again. The best thing that you can do is listen when she wants to talk about it. For me, it took a while until I found someone who I felt like they were really listening. I would say to be supportive of what she wants to do. Have you heard of the new "Bratz" bald dolls? http://lifeasabaldgirl.wordpress.com/2012/05/01/bald-dolls-coming-s... Perhaps she would like something like that to remind her that bald is beautiful too.
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Permalink Reply by Cindie on
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Just remember....it's about her, and if she feels more comfortable "being in the alopecia closet"....then that is where she needs to be until SHE is ready to come out! At her age, she does want to "fit in", and girls (females in general), are much crueler to other females who don't "fit in", than males are to males who don't "fit in."
The ideas given by other responders about support groups are excellent, too....if you have an active support group with "positive", "confident" peers who are your daughter's age or older (a teenager, as was suggested).
But understand that sometimes the same people who share a condition (especially when they are young), don't want to have anything to do with others with that same condition, because they are trying to "get away" from it as much as they can.
Love your daughter extra -- because this is a tough time for her, but you CAN help her get through it.
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Permalink Reply by terri on
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Your comment was good for me to read about letting her be in her alopecia closet. I needed to hear that!
We have always felt the joy for her being so free with showing her beautiful bald head to the world. So when she wanted to hide from peers, it concerned us. We contacted Betsy with Children's Alopecia Project and Claudia will be going to their alopecia camp in August.
Luckily, no one has said anything cruel to her, this appears to be her way of blending in with everyone else. And she did tell us she doesn't like the stares. I told her people stare at the Queen, and movie stars and anyone who they find fascinating.
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Make sure she gets addresses and phone numbers of favorite camp friends so she has a personal support group with memories to share over the years. Send a small camera along with her, if permitted! (My camp friends from 1967 are still my "go to" people in life, and they even have hair!) If she has hard days, she can always connect with a camp friend or look at her photo album to cheer herself up.
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I just found out why she insists on wearing her wig. She told me last year she went to religious education Sept - May. She made a friend. Halfway through the year, she took off her wig during the class and let the class know she was bald and was wearing a wig. Her friend no longer was her friend. The girl completely changed her attitude towards Claudia and that hurt Claudia's feelings.
Also she said that all the kids TV shows make fun of bald people and associate bald people with being ugly.
So now I know why the change occurred in her attitude towards going about without a wig on.
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That's so true about cartoons and sit-coms. The worst is the Eleanor character in Adam Sandler' Eight Crazy Nights (movie).
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Permalink Reply by AnGeL on
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I would just lets her wear her wig style it cute for her some people share it with everyone and some keep it a secret. I started losing my hair at 21 now im 25 and its all coming back but i dnt tell noone im just not comfortable telling everyone its noones business. Has any one ever watched the cartoon caillou ? My son loves it its probaly for a bit younger audience the lil boy is bald they dnt say if he has alopecia but he is the only one without hair its a cute show!
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Just wanted to post an update. We went to CAP's camp in August and it totally changed my daughter. She regained her confidence and realized she is unique and special. She only wears her wig at school. She was even the ring bearer at a wedding and chose not to wear a wig. She needed to hear it for herself from other confident, successful alopecia adults. We are so grateful for CAP.
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