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Am I being selfish?
I have been in a serious relationship for two years with a great guy. About six months ago was when i started losing my hair. He has been great through it all... at least he tries to make me feel good about myself, but he doesn't fully understand how big of an emotional battle it is for me and how challenging it can be. Sometimes i wish he would just act like he cared a bit more.
Lately it seems as if we are gliding past each other and not really connecting.. drifting apart. He claims that he wants to be with me long term i just dont think i believe him. I feel like he wants us to work out so badly that he is lying to himself.
I feel like i wanted to work us out just as much that i may have been lying to myself.
I can honestly say that I have told myself over and over no one will ever want to be with me because of Alopecia. I told myself that if my boyfriend and I would ever break up id never be with anyone seriously again. Silly how a little hair loss can put a damper on your confidence.
A few nights ago I went out as a DD with my dad and a friend thats been staying with us. At the last place we stopped at I met a really nice guy and incredibly good looking. Because I was driving I was sober and conveniently he was too. Out of the blue he came up and asked if id like to play some music. Of course I jumped to that offer. He put $5 in the juke box and i suppose that was his slick way of introducing himself. I do wear a ring so I thought it was pretty apparent that I was in a relationship but he didnt get that at first. Perhaps he didnt want to believe it? There was a point where he tried putting his arm around me and I pushed him away and said "what are you doing" i mean not only was i out with my dad but i have a boyfriend. Not saying I didnt like the compliments because i actually loved them. As silly as it sounds I think I was meant to meet him that night and he was meant to make me feel good. He made me feel better than I have in a very very long time. I felt beautiful and wanted and I felt like I hadnt in a few years and thats where everything got so confusing.
I dont even talk to my boyfriend how we talked we ended up having so much in common and i could actually have an intellectually conversation with him, something my bf lacks.
Even though that was the first time I met him I felt like I knew him for years it wasnt forced. It made me feel so good. Even though my hair is shorter than its ever been it didnt matter. I was liked for me. Now of course i may never see him again in my life, but i secretly hope thats not true.
Is it selfish for me to need a break from commitment? I feel like i have to find myself all over again and I have been trying so hard from meditation and yoga to new clothes and books. Perhaps its a journey i have to take on my own
I havent been able to stomach much food and my eyes been doing that twitching thing it does when I am super stressed out.
I just dont want to ruin things with my bf forever. Regardless i always want to be friends and our families have become so close. His sister in law is one of my newly bestfriends... i dont want our relationship to become dusty photographs and blurred memories. I also dont want to be unhappy or second guessing.
Am i selfish for wanting to be able to take a personal journey?
i feel selfish but i think i just might need this.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Tallgirl on
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Well, I just heard of two newly-wed folk of 19 and 21 already having the issue of his straying. If it was really right, and she was his end-all and his vows meant anything to him (not to mention mingled families), would he have strayed? I think not. Maybe it was just not right, not mature, not thought out. Maybe two people can BOTH fool themselves in order to get a ceremony and ring, or wear a fancy dress, party with kin, get gifts, etc. Maybe there are SEVERAL people on Earth whom one can love deeply over the years.
Take your time. Give the ring back for awhile, or put it in a drawer, until you can really honor it or consider the feelings of your "significant" other, hair or no hair. No one likes being unhappy or second guessing...or having photos of good times become blurred memories...but it does happen to the best of us. The only thing that can make it better is TIME and leaving it in the hands of whatever power you respect or accept.
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Permalink Reply by LilyBell*Murphy'sLawLuvsMe on
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No, you are not being selfish - but you must be honest with yourself and with him. You say he is a good man and has been good to you - he deserves to know the truth of how you are feeling. Realize it may take some time for him to way to be freinds - realize he may not want to be friends - that happens sometimes. Also realize that if you change your mind and want him back, that may not be an option. I dont say that to hurt you - just to remind you that this is something to think all the way through before making a decision. Do you think perhaps you can tell him how you are feeling and that maybe some couples counseling might? Even if the counseling does not lead to the two of you remaining romantically involved - it just might make it possible for you two to remain in each others lives as freinds.
One more thing, I dont think a lot of young guys really respect 'the ring'. In my opinion if they get one ounce of 'encouragement' they will act upon it. Kind of the all is fair in love and war thing. I know it felt good to feel wanted - and to be found attractive - but do remember who has been with you for two years and loving you. Perhaps your new freind is someone you are meant to see more of - perhaps not - but regardless you and your current BF seem to have a lot to discuss.
Best of luck of you.
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Permalink Reply by Emily Horsley on
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You're not being selfish!
My sister and brother in law have been married for 6 years now, they were together at school but then both went their separate ways at university to 'find themselves'then ended up back together, married with a gorgeous son.I'm telling you this because breaking up and finding out who they were on their own didn't ruin them, it made them.
What will be will be and while you're still young you should be out having fun not trying to pin down your entire future.
As for the little issue of losing your hair, inner beauty is what counts in the long run - in 50 years we'll all be wrinkled old grannies who wet the bed and are loosing our marbles, but the ones who we love and are worth our time will still be with us regardless of appearence!
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Permalink Reply by Brittany Bronx on
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thank you for your input and sharing that with me. My mind is often a mess trying to organize what may not need organizing :) I am still trying to figure out the right thing to do.
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