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Are we just overreacting?
Are we just over reacting when we get upset with people staring at us??
So I was at work the other day and was telling about how tired I was about people staring at my bald head. And how I was ready to yell at them to stop staring or something along those lines. To which was replied "Someone that was in my situation should be more understanding and forgiving since seeing a bald woman was not common." OMG... does that sound reasonable?
So I was at work the other day and was telling about how tired I was about people staring at my bald head. And how I was ready to yell at them to stop staring or something along those lines. To which was replied "Someone that was in my situation should be more understanding and forgiving since seeing a bald woman was not common." OMG... does that sound reasonable?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Tuesday on
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I guess I can see both points of view. I have only seen about 5 bald women in real life in my city! And one in NYC - and that's it! So, yes, I can see how people could stare. That said - da*n it - I get sick of the stares when I wear a headscarf, for goodness sake. And I will not ever forget the drop jaw wide eyed stares when I went around bald in public. Annoying to say the least. I don't know how to make people stare less and yet I don't know how to stop myself from being annoyed. I understand people are concerned but it's that gaping mouth with big bulging eyes look - drives me nuts! Close your mouths, people! :0)
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Permalink Reply by Bald and Fabulous AKA Terri on
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Absolutely...thats what Im talking about. I have almost gotten a hold of the common stare but its the jaw open, eyes bugged, slow walk pass and then back up walk pass again that gets me really riled. How should we be understanding of something like that when its SO rude.
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Permalink Reply by David B327 on
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I'm with you on this one. You should be able to go about your business and be treaetd with respect whatever you look like. There is no excuse for starng in this way. It's just rude and should not be excused just because you look different.
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Permalink Reply by Tallgirl on
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Yes, it does. My greatest lesson was from a friend whose mother, a nurse, had to go through life with a shriveled arm. She knew people were nervous and awkward at approaching her and trying to think of something, anything, to say that was appropriate...so she put THEM at ease by saying something first; something mature, intelligent, soothing. She sacrificed herself in order to teach others to be human. So...we can be complainers, miserable folk, angry women, or positive teachers. We can wear something on our heads if it helps get our jobs done and puts food on the table. Loss of hair should never become so politicized that it makes us forever become disagreeable, bitter souls or people who lose jobs because of some personal mission to rebel. The job and our professional demeanor should be the most important things. Then, even if our hair does grow back, we will not have alienated coworkers or friends. Yes, it IS true that shriveled arms and bald female heads are not common. Open mouths and bulging eyes are not common, either. Stare back...but then smile! Show others who you expect them to be by being nice yourself.
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Permalink Reply by Samantha V.P. on
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I see what you mean. My smile helps a lot...
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Permalink Reply by Norm on
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It's hard-wired into humans to stare at the unusual - it's a way of sussing if it's a threat or not. Once that new or unusual thing is seen regularly, and becomes "understood" on a subconscious level (i.e. no longer a potential threat), there's no need to stay "aware" of it constantly. That's why bald guys don't get stared at anymore - at one time I felt it was like I was painted in dayglo paint, but now I'm part of the background hum.
So yes, seeing a bald woman isn't common (yet), but the person who said you should be more understanding should also try practising what they preach - THAT's the sad thing about this episode... people who're too stupid to see another's point of view.
Stay bald, Terri, and let the looks go. (er, other peeps', I mean, not yours... digging a hole here... :) ) After all, that's all they are - looks - they're not taking anything away from you. And actually, some of them might be admiring looks, mightn't they? - can I come and stare at ya? ;)
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Permalink Reply by Christa M. on
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I experienced that the reaction of others depends enormously of my attitude.
It's somewhere agressiv to stare at someone, but it seems that people we never look at, are suffering as well. So indeed, the others have to learn how to deal with us, and we can be their teachers...
How do you react if you see someone without a nose for the first time in your life?
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Permalink Reply by Tamara on
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Staring can be annoying. I don't mind if someone looks at me, smiles, and goes along with their business. But when they literally stare at me like I'm the only bald girl in the world, I usually make complete eye contact with them, and give them the raise eyebrow in a "can I help you?" look. Sometimes I don't think people even realize they do it. My mom use to look at people and wheelchairs, and I would tell her to stop, its not nice, people don't appreciate it. Now that I'm bald and she sees the looks I get when we go out, shes gotten a lot more understanding to it and is always trying to protect me. My boyfriend absolutely hates it when I get the stares that I get and tries to be protective as well. What REALLY annoys me is when people see I have no hair, expect the WORST, and then try to give me sympathy, and thats the LAST thing I want from anyone. Im a big girl, I think of myself as a strong girl. I have been though a lot in my 26 years! But to actually answer your question, lol no I don't think we are overreating when people stare at us. just stare right back and show them how uncomfortable it makes you feel!
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Actually, I care nothing about the strangers, who could be mentally slow or brought up wrong. I get more hurt if comments or stares come from mature, educated co-workers or friends who already know me and my story, yet do or say something they KNOW will hurt me. The best defense is knowing who you are, loving yourself, and imagining an unsightly zit on the backside of the rude person...then walking away with a smile!
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Permalink Reply by Eve on
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I work in customer service and have to deal with Stares all day. Some times I get them sometimes I don't. I even get them from my own sisters. It's hard but I have learned to cope. In the area I live near Albuquerque , new Mexico it is very common to see women of all
ages with some form of Alopecia. It makes me laugh when the people who have the alopecia are the one staring at my scalp. Lol, it's very interesting indeed. I just try my hardest to
ignore those rude people especially the girls who toss their hair in my face intentionally. Lol
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I really wax and wane with my responses. Usually, if I'm wearing a scarf and people stare, I know - I can almost 100 percent be sure - they think I have cancer and am receiving treatment. I generally either ignore their stares (it almost makes me think I have cancer when you constantly receive stares) OR I am very gracious for their concern.
But when I am bald - wow !. As the women above have said, when you're at the receiving end of these 'godsmacked' stares - good GRIEF - it gets annoying. I generally smile confidently and make straight eye contact with someone. If someone is giggling or whisper or just being plain rude - that's when the GLOVES COME OFF. I will say, "what are you staring at?". I will stick out my tongue. I will swear. I'm sorry but this is all true.
Someone can be surprised by my appearance but they can also HIDE their response. I used to live in downtown Toronto near the "gay village" in an area known for prostitution. There were a lot of transgendered people , a lot of transsexuals - a lot of "different" people around. I don't mean to insult - I just mean - men dressed as women - it was not the 'norm' for me. For the most part, I kept my thoughts to myself, I didn't STARE at people and I acted as if everyone appeared "normal" to me ... and in time ... these folk were the norm to me.
So, I do think that hair-wearing society, can, in general, stop staring at bald headed women! If I can walk through a sea of 6'6" men, wearing 5 " platforms and a ton of make-up and sequins and smile and not stare - then I darn well think someone else can manage to keep their mouth closed when I walk down the street without a scarf or wig hiding my head!
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Im sorry to say also there has been a few tongue sticking outs on my part too. And a couple of fingers flipped. For the most part I can handle the stares, but those bugged eyed stares..... Damn I get mad. I thought maybe since Im still somewhat new to the bald look (6 months this March WHOOHOO!!!) that I was just having to get use to the stares. After such a long time hiding and now finding my confidence, its a trial handling the ignorant. I have found that Im less tolerant with ignorance and not just with alopecia. With all ignorance people spew.
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